Last time a chick brought a friend with her, I got on better with the friend… And I went home with the friend. Pro tip, if youre bringing a friend. Dont make it a friend thats better to talk to than you are.
I say get it while you can, you don’t turn your back on love, no no no. -Janis Joplin
Or do.
I had a girl cancel and reschedule our first date shortly before we were supposed to meet up. That date happened, and she confided in me that she’d done that on purpose to gauge my reaction and general demeanor before actually coming out to meet me. I respected that move, and I think I would have been okay with her bringing a friend instead, as long as it was just the once.
Anyway, that was eight years ago, we’re married now.
You’re a dumbass for playing along with such insane bullshit but I’m glad it worked out for you.
I don’t think “begrudging women a single test to see if someone is the type to explode over a single inconvenience” is the right hill to stick your flag on.
Yeah, I’d say it’s a red flag except there are a ton of crazies that this quickly filters for them and keeps them safe from.
So in an ideal world it would be bad, but it makes sense in the one we live in.
Trying to start a relationship by playing games is very much a good place to find red flags.
It might seem like a game to you but that’s someone’s life.
Do you have an alternative for how they should determine if a potential partner is a danger? Besides hiring a private detective or rolling the dice by finding out after they’re invested?
If you can’t trust a stranger even a little bit then don’t date complete strangers. Limit your dating pool to your circle of friends, friends of friends, people you already know or that your friends vouch for.
That is so utterly devoid of empathy that I have nothing left to say to you.
Yeah, lack of empathy on her side, I know. If you think your date is a potential rapist/murderer/… then why are you trying to date them?
Look at this dude… Being happy
Quick! Scan his post and comment history to find something to bring him down!!
Weakness identified!
Who do you think you are, flexing your relationship like that.
Nice that it worked out but deception and playing games would be a huge red flag for me. Nothing about that instance in particular, it’s just that I’d always wonder “is this situation for real or another trick?”
Maybe the immediate followup fixes it. You were strangers then after all. And after eight years of course you know what you’re working with haha
Damnit now I’m just rambling to myself, carry on!
Or does he?
This is very common in Asia. The first few (not) dates they bring friends and you can too. Eventually, she gives an indication that she wants to do something alone with you and that’s when the real dates begin.
I mean we have those too, they’re called double dates. Would have been less awkward if the lady here asked for one of those.
Double dates aware there is two couples. This sounds more like she wants to bring her friend on to make her feel more comfortable on a first date.
Guy friends in asian also hold hands and hang on each others arms. Not really something you see in the west
If you wanna be my lover…
This is the way.
Arranged marriage is also common in Asia
What an unprovoked comment.
Wherever you live, there are also many cultural issues that are equally unrelated to what I said.
This reeks of casual bigotry you should perhaps analyze the thought patterns that lead you to writing this.
You make a good point, but considering that the conversation is in English I don’t think you’d be too far out of the pale to assume that this is not in Asia, and in most English-speaking countries it’s not common to go on group dates before going on individual dates.
It does happen, and quite a bit, but not to the point where it’s common, I would say it’s at the very most uncommon.
Not only does that sound like a better date to me, but I also make it pretty clear upfront we split the cost of the date. Like, I’m pretty good at winning over friends and they end up getting my back during a misunderstanding (speaking from experience lol).
I had a girl bring a guy friend along on our first date without giving me a heads up for the same reason. I was like, ok that’s a little weird but whatever. I’m certainly not going to give someone shit for doing something that makes them feel comfortable. Ended up chatting it up with the guy friend who turned out to be super cool.
So me and the girl end up seriously dating after a while and she later tells me that she spent most of our first date trying to subtly get her friend to leave so that she could spend more time with me.
Lol there’s got to be a term that’s the inverse of cockblocking. Maybe like cockenabling for something.
Wingman is the term you’re looking for.
But in my date’s opinion, he was clam jamming her!
But clam jamming is what you wanted to do, so he was helping,lol.
deleted by creator
I think if someone implied they were bringing someone without at least asking, as this person did, I would match their rude energy and say “I did not agree to that, so here are my boundaries.”
The way the other party phrased it would annoy the shit out of me. 'I’m bringing my best friend." Ok, so why don’t you date them? Causes way more friction than asking “Hey, I know it’s unconventional but I would like a friend to be there just for my safety since we don’t know eachother yet.”
This happened to me, but we all went back to my apartment and played Smash Bros. I did not get laid and I have no regrets.
If this had happened to me there’s a zero percent chance I wouldn’t have taken a shot at the threesome at some point.
Opportunities don’t come along like this every day.
Man, I think I’d prefer that outcome. Getting laid is easy compared to finding fun people to game with
What character did you play?
Fox only. No items. Final Destination.
No but I am old.
I’m cool with someone deciding to do this.
I mean, I’ll decide not to go on the date, but that you do you.
Your lack of ability to judge my character leading up to the date, and the general sense of paranoia leading to a decision like this, aren’t qualities I’m looking for in a partner.
Neither is starting things from a place of outright suspicion. Like. I’m not judging. I just have zero interest.
Neither is starting things from a place of outright suspicion.
I would understand it if they are going to someplace private, like the apartment or a dark alley at midnight, but who the hell goes to those places on a first date? I’m not freaking out about a guy asking me to a coffee date at 1000 hours in the middle of a city on a saturday.
They might’ve had one (or several) bad experiences and this is a trauma response, but even in that case, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say “yeah sure they’ll pay their own way, I just feel safer if we have a second pair of eyes I trust in the restaurant/cafe/etc with us”. Like, you don’t gotta be at the table, but I kinda get it for the first date or two being “hey I trust this person, mind if they tag along and grab a drink at the bar to be my watchman or whatever”.
You dont even have to ask. Friend can just sit at the bar, or they can bring a second person and just be at a different table. If this is a trauma response, there are ways to make in nonintrusive. Plus, if the other person doesnt know you brought back up, theyre going to be more themselves, and youll see if theyre a sleeze or not sooner. Its not hard to pretend to not be a sleeze while youre being watched then turn it around immediately when youre not.
That’s a personal issue that an individual needs to work out before dating then.
Mature people don’t need to bring a babysitter for their date.
Amen
Doubling down on not paying for her food when there was no indication that he was expected to was definitely strange. It’s a perfectly fine thing to be uncomfortable with, don’t try and force the fault on her.
not paying for the random 3rd wheels food… yeah, triple down on it. make it VERY clear you aren’t paying for someone whom you aren’t wanting to actually meet or invited in the first place.
He doubled down on it when it wasn’t really acknowledged. After he said he wasn’t paying, she responded with an explanation for why her friend was coming. I mean she did say ok, but that might be agreement or just a way to move on the conversation. Like, “Ok, but what if I told you…”
It’s not clear if the new explanation was meant to change his mind, but the only change between that and the fake explanation before is his statement that he wasn’t paying under the first situation. So it may have been a negotiation tactic. Either way, if this was real she should explicitly agree that he isn’t expected to pay for her friend and he should obviously not be so crass about it.
This was my impression too. The girl is probably thinking she dodged a bullet. It’s a very aggressive response when no one actually asked him to pay.
I had a girl ask if it was OK to bring a friend once, I said it was fine. She ended up coming alone anyway.
You showed a green flag by saying yes, so she probably felt safe enough.
Everyone loves mind games :3
Its not really a mind game IMO, if he had said no she might’ve still gone with a friend. It’s not a test it’s literally just wanting a clue re safety.
Have you considered fearing all men isn’t a healthy way for an adult to live? And how is that level of prejudice shows through this action?
Adults can go on a date in public by themselves. There are some men who will be hurt but still tolerant, and there will be some that find it offensive.
Or a serial killer that was only interested in double kills
Being this weird about not paying would be an instant no for me. Around here it’s the norm that everyone pays for themselves on a date and even implying that someone will want you to pay for them is pretty rude. The only non-rude way to pay for the entire date is to ask for the full check when the waiter comes before the other person can ask to split it. Usually with the line “I’ll take this one, next one’s on you ;)” which doesn’t really mean that the next one’s on them but is more about the implication that there will be a next date.
deleted by creator
…can you read? I’m saying that the default is that everyone pays for themselves. Paying for someone else is a niche situation that you need to actively seek out.
Obviously not for the person who replied to you, nor for many others
You could have just missed your shot at a threesome. Way to go, 😄
Threesome? If I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time I’d just have dinner with my parents.
you watch way too much porn
Found the person that’s never had a threesome
Sex does happen in real life, too.
I didn’t say sex doesn’t happen in real life. I said you watch too much porn.
The mind of a man who thinks that a random girl tagging along with a potential first date will agree to have a threesome let alone the first date themselves will agree to normal sex is… a young naive mind who believes that everyone is having spontaneous group sex.
Your mind immediately went to that? Why?
From my POV
As someone who had a threesome exactly like this scenario played out.
You’re the one who is naive.
Spontaneous group sex happens in real life, all the time. There are many people who do not seek it out. That is valid. There are also people who do seek it out.
Unfortunately the difference between those two types of people defines the lens through which you define a “naive” person.
Hey man just because you got a threesome doesn’t mean its common.
Spontaneous group happens in real life -> I agree.
All the time -> I don’t agree
There are people who seek it out
But that doesn’t mean they get it “all the time”
Unfortunately the difference between those two types of people defines the lens through which you define a “naive” person.
And your lens is too much caliberated to view every encounter as an opportunity even if you don’t know whether the OP is actually into it or not, thus projecting your expectations into the scenario.
I don’t mind if we disagree, but as someone who deeply loves and is a part of my local lifestyle community, this conversation feels more personal.
Because you either get it, Or you just don’t.
There are literal hundreds of people in my local lifestyle community. I’ve been to local events that they cap at 300 for attendance quantity. It’s not abnormal at these events to have cuddle puddles of 5+ people together. Strangers. Just met.
There are folks that I know very well, That are getting laid by groups of strangers (often 3 or more in a group) every single day, outside of these organized events. This is not an exaggeration. Group sex happens all the time. Period.
The reason you believe people aren’t always having group sex is because you’ve never had the opportunity to consistently grasp it. Your perspective doesn’t seem to reflect relevant experience, so it’s hard to believe for you.
Your point of view is naive to people that actually live the bdsm, swinger, and kink lifestyle(s) 24/7.
If she’s bringing her friend for safety, there was no shot to begin with
Can i bring a friend too, otherwise it’s an uneven fight.
Just skip that and send only your friends on a date.
I finally feel like I can write “dating” off my bucket list.
Just by subcotracting it.
“Good idea, no problem. I’m also going to be bringing my ex along. Should be fun”
I get it, I absolutely respect someone wanting to be safe, but i think it would also absolutely ruin the date for me. I just can’t really interact the same way in a group as I do one on one. Either that, or I’d end upv mirroring both of them simultaneously and it would end up in a throuple.
I respect it, but i don’t get it, and it would be a complete deal breaker for me. What do you think a person on a date in a public place is gonna do to you?
right, this is basically saying “i don’t trust you not to spike my drink, take me to a second location, and rape me”
and maybe you shouldn’t be online dating at all if that’s where you start out from
But even then, no one needs to ask you out on a date to do that. Any time you go out in public by yourself that could happen just as easily. If you’re that unreasonably fearful then i don’t want to spend time with you
throuple
Threesome. Corrected for you.
throuple : threesome :: couple : hook-up
is this valid C code?
nope, it’s the verbal analogy puzzle format used by tests like the SAT.
It could be valid C++ code within a function, if not for the last colon which isn’t a unary nor binary operator
There’s a unix/eunuchs joke in there somewhere.
Nope. Throuple is dating, threesome is a one-time thing. Like if my wife and I have a girlfriend, we would be a throuple. And if we all sleep together, it would be a threesome. But saying “throuple=threesome” is like saying “couple=sex” when the two describe fundamentally different things. One is the relationship between people, and the other is just a physical act.
Nice condescending attitude though.
And here I thought OP just misspelled trouble.
Tbf, I was briefly in one, and it did very quickly turn into trouble.
Prepare for trouble!
And make it throuple!
throuple goals!
