1. 🖼️ CAH Gives You Your Fucking Money Back (direct link) (👍1696 👎9)

from Not The Onion (!nottheonion@lemmy.world)

Posted by UnderpantsWeevil

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2. 📰 Love in a cold climate: Winter Olympic village runs out of condoms after three days (direct link) (👍352 👎2)

from Offbeat (!offbeat@lemmy.ca)

Love in a cold climate: Winter Olympic village runs out of condoms after three days

Free condoms for competitors at the Winter Olympics have run out within a record-breaking three days, according to La Stampa. “In Paris the athletes received 300,000 condoms – two per day each – but the numbers for these Winter Games were significantly lower: not even 10,000,” La Stampa’s report states. Just under 3,000 athletes are competing at the Winter Olympics, compared to around 10,500 in the Paris Games two years ago. “Yes, we provide free condoms to athletes in the Olympic village,” he said in a social media post. “They have everything you need.”There are plenty of other activities to keep athletes busy in the Olympic village, including a large gym, table football and air hockey games and even a piano. 🖊️️🤖

Posted by Amuletta

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3. 📰 Terrified Conservatives Lose Ability To Speak English After Exposure To Bad Bunny Performance (‘¡Dios Mío!’ Cry Millions Of Panicking Republicans) (direct link) (👍313 👎2)

from The Onion (!theonion@midwest.social)

Terrified Conservatives Lose Ability To Speak English After Exposure To Bad Bunny Performance

BOISE, ID—Crying out “¡Dios mío!” and “¡Ayúdame!” as soon as they heard the opening notes of the Puerto Rican superstar’s “EoO,” millions of terrified conservatives reportedly lost the ability to speak English Sunday after exposure to Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl LX halftime performance. “Oh, what a crock-load of mierda—¿qué?—¿qué está pasando? ¿Pero no hablo español? Inglés, inglés, inglés, ¡quiero hablar inglés! ¡Es culpa tuya, conejito malo!” At press time, sources confirmed Hance was frantically attempting to smash his television set as his Super Bowl party guests cowered behind the sofa shrieking, “¡Dios nos ha abandonado!” 🖊️️🤖

Posted by DeltronZero

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4. 📰 FBI concluded Jeffrey Epstein wasn’t running a sex trafficking ring for powerful men, files show (direct link) (👍139 👎2)

from Not the Onion (!nottheonion@lemmy.ml)

FBI concluded Jeffrey Epstein wasn’t running a sex trafficking ring for powerful men, files show

ShareNEW YORK (AP) — The FBI pored over Jeffrey Epstein’s bank records and emails. Some allegations couldn’t be verified, investigators wrote. Two other Epstein victims who Giuffre had claimed were also “lent out” to powerful men told investigators they had no such experience, prosecutors wrote in a 2019 internal memo. One device contained 15 to 20 images depicting commercial child sex abuse material — pictures investigators said Epstein obtained on the internet. Wexner’s lawyers told investigators that neither he nor his wife had knowledge of Epstein’s sexual misconduct. 🖊️️🤖

Posted by geneva_convenience

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5. 📰 World Anti-Doping Agency bosses ‘will look at’ claims of penis enlargement in ski jumping (direct link) (👍54 👎0)

from And Finally… (!andfinally@feddit.uk)

Ski jumpers using penis enlargements to be granted bigger suits, newspaper claims

The World Anti-Doping Agency will investigate bizarre claims in German newspaper Bild that ski jumpers are injecting substances into their penises to aid aerodynamics — and other stories from the Winter Olympics a day out from the opening ceremony.

Posted by zero_gravitas

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Inactive communities 👻

These communities have had no posts in the last month:

• Strange Times
  • News about weird nature, unusual happenings, and fringe claims.
• SERIOUS NEWS ONLY
  • dont actually post anything serious or youll be banned

Here is a popular post from one of the inactive communities. 🪦♻️

🖼️ AI image generator fabricates ‘archival’ Bigfoot photo (direct link), posted in Strange Times (👍204 👎11)

Posted by idoubtit

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The main links are using lemmyverse.link which should redirect to the post on your own instance. If you have not used this before, you may need to go direct to https://lemmyverse.link/ and click on ‘configure instance’. Some apps will open posts correctly when using the direct link.

️🤖 indicates a summary generated using AI - 🖋️ TLDR This, 🖊️ news3k, 🖍 Deepseek. It is possible that the summary does not accurately convey the meaning of the original article, refer to the source material if in any doubt.

Multicommunity: memes-news.json