Some info: 22M, looking to move out. It started last weekend when we were discussing politics, she got mad and loudly called me an idiot. Outside, public street btw. A bit before this she also screamed at me in a minimarket for me not wanting to put my backpack in their storage boxes. Lol.
I get she was tired but she didn’t even apologize until later home when I told her about it.
Then next night I had some dreams about all the stupid shit I had to through as a kid of hers. I woke up with a disgusted taste about her and I didn’t want to talk with her anymore.
It’s been a 6 days, where I continually ignored her. She keeps coming at my door asking to “repair things”. You can’t repair 22 years of negligence. I told her that I need space and time and I will talk to her after. She keeps going against my boundaries and asks what’s wrong. Since I’ve already told her, now I’m blasting music on my headphones because it seems she can’t understand how to accord private space. She has the mentality that “I’m your mother hence I can do anything”
Now she talks nice but I know it’s just a matter of time. It’s a manipulation tactic to get me back. She doesn’t actually feel sorry.
Thanks for reading.
My wife’s parents were like that. Not so much the father, but the mother definitely knew how to manipulate things and at her worst it was disgusting what she called her or even me when we just started dating (over text and I saw it). She has 2 sisters, and it was very obvious she was the most neglected. I was furious but my tongue. She never learned to cope or accept that it was even a problem or not normal no matter what I said. So idk where I am going with this because the end result was they both died about 5 years ago a few months apart, so she never learned anything.
I will say both her sisters are way more awful, and thankfully, she has just started taking my advice finally and is distancing herself from them and not calling as much. I think she is finally tired of feeling awful after just talking on the phone. She has no friends, really, so she uses that as an excuse to keep talking to them and also because its the only family she has left. I told her that if my family treated me anywhere near what they do to you, you bet I would cut ties instantly. I feel bad because she just takes the abuse and somehow doesn’t realize you dont have to feel bad or miserable all the time because of what someone does to you. The longer she distances herself, though, the more she seems to realize she is better off just for her mental state alone.
Wow I relate with this so much. They screwed up my friendships so much and made me think I only can and should speak my thoughts with them.
In my case, they made me think there is nothing to feel bad about. They gaslighted me that they are the right ones always. I would also not be allowed to be sad, because “look how good of a parents we are, in the world there are much worse, so you should be happy, we don’t beat you like others do”. OK? What I am supposed to say there… That’s your job… you born me. I was 9 when they first told me so of course I couldn’t but just take it in.
It made me think along the way that they are right. BUT, if I do what they did (scream at them) I would be the bad one!
I knew subconsciously they’re wrong, but voicing my opinion would turn into screams and silent treatment.
I don’t want to scream at other people. I want to be a good friend.
Apparently I’m the bad one and immature because I cut connections with my dad a few months ago. My uncle made fun of that. I’m tired of them honestly. It feels like I’ve lived all my life with a burden. Until now I always tried to see the good side in things (just like they did teach me). There are wars outside, kids without parents, but that doesn’t mean I should accept all the belittling they do to me.
Sorry for the rant. Felt good writing this though.