“I’m not kink shaming…”

“Don’t yuck someone else’s yum…”

“Whatever floats your boat…”

Shut up. I don’t care.

Your kink is gross and I don’t have to be okay with it just because you’re proud about it. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Some kinks are shameful. Hell, many kinks are shameful. And not just the obvious ones like pedophilia or bestiality or snuff.

I had more specifics drawn up but I figured it’s probably safest to keep it kind of vague.

But it is my opinion that “don’t kink shame!” should never have become the default.

That’s probably the crux of the unpopular opinion here so that’ll do.

Signed,

A sex repulsed and very annoyed asexual.

  • YappyMonotheist@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    Moral relativism says you can’t! But yeah, of course many behaviours are shameful. I listen and I definitely judge, lol.

  • theneverfox@pawb.social
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    3 months ago

    I think the real problem is a lack of social hygiene.

    Kinks aren’t shameful. Revealing your kinks in public is, no matter how vanilla. Certain hobbies and habits should come with a little shame, not because they’re bad, but because they should be private secrets that don’t follow you to work or the grocery store

    • EtnaAtsume@lemmy.worldOP
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      3 months ago

      This!!! Exactly this is precisely what I really wanted to say now that I have a bit of a cooler head about it.

      • Soulg@ani.social
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        3 months ago

        Right but that’s also not kink shaming to tell someone to keep it to themselves

  • GreenKnight23@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    you disgust me. you have sexual organs and aren’t willing to use them to experience pleasure in new ways.

    you’re fucking gross.

    how’s that make you feel?

  • Zachariah@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    Have you ever tried “I don’t like this topic” instead of “Shut the fuck up”?

    The first one communicates your preference. It’s a statement about you. It leaves the ball in their court to decide what to do about this new information. Someone would have to be a big jerk to continue after you’ve said it that way. And if they are, it’s a great filter to decide whether to even spend time with them.

    The second one is a command. Almost no one wants to be bossed around, so many take it as a challenge. It creates a power struggle. Your preference is hard to hear at that point.

    • EtnaAtsume@lemmy.worldOP
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      3 months ago

      I’ve never straight up told somebody to shut the fuck up about it to their face when it’s been brought up. This was more of a rant than posting an opinion I guess.

      • Hamartiogonic@sopuli.xyz
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        3 months ago

        Oh so you’re mainly talking about the people who are doing fetish stuff in the public? Other people didn’t consent to being exposed to that stuff, so I can see that there’s a problem in that.

  • chosensilence@pawb.social
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    3 months ago

    okay well, paraphilias involving harm to others or non-consent aren’t fetishes. acted role play in a fantasy setting would be, because there is communication and boundaries. fetishes have emotional consistency whereas a paraphilia often feels overwhelmingly strong and like a compulsion. it is disordered and behavioral.

    why should adults feel ashamed for accepting a fetish they have no control over having? what kind of purpose would shame serve upon doing so, preventing sexual fulfillment and gratification? as sexual people that would not be possible.

  • NewDark@lemmings.world
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    3 months ago

    Notice how every single “kink” you listed wasn’t consenting? Those aren’t kinks, they are crimes.

    What two consenting adults enjoy is neither of our business but they shouldn’t feel bad about enjoying it.

    You can still be repulsed, but that’s a you problem. Unless someone else is making it your problem by discussing it when you obviously don’t like it.

    • EtnaAtsume@lemmy.worldOP
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      3 months ago

      I do agree with this in principle, but the line gets somewhat blurred around consent when there’s things like people opening a conversation by telling you that they’re into a particular type of kink or have such and such a relationship situation and how great it is, in an obvious bid to just boast about it, as if having lots of sex, and weird sex at that, was by-default admirable.

      Maybe it’s something they personally value, and that’s fine I guess, but just because they think it’s super cool that they do these kinky things, does not mean that everybody does.

      And no, I’m not saying that I’ve been in a situation where somebody said “hi, my name is Carl and I love sucking girls’ toes” right off the bat. That is obviously too explicit to be socially acceptable.

      But there are situations where, say, you’ll meet a couple and they immediately launch into how they’re all about the ethical non-monogamy and polyamory and they have a daddy or a dungeon master or cuck shed or something that’s just bizarrely out of left field that I never asked about and frankly don’t want to know, and my opinion is that this should be seen as equally explicit as Carl’s situation.

      But this, like my original post, is starting to devolve into a personal rant rather than a generalized sentiment, so I’ll stop.

      • NewDark@lemmings.world
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        3 months ago

        The situation you described is effectively what I mean in the last sentence.

        There’s a difference between something being worthy of shame (your initial claim) and being admirable (what you’re now implying the alternate position is). It’s value neutral, maybe a bit on the plus side because I like that other people are living enjoyable lives.

        It feels more like rationalizing a disgust response and saying the problem is external. You might recognize this as the same logic of homophobia and transphobia. I know this is coming from a dick head on the internet that is acting contentiously to your opinion, but I hope you’ll reflect a little bit here. You seem well meaning.

      • Perspectivist@feddit.uk
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        3 months ago

        Although what causes pedophilia is not yet known, researchers began reporting a series of findings linking pedophilia with brain structure and function, beginning in 2002. Testing individuals from a variety of referral sources inside and outside the criminal justice system as well as controls, these studies found associations between pedophilia and lower IQs, poorer scores on memory tests, greater rates of non-right-handedness, greater rates of school grade failure over and above the IQ differences, being below average height, greater probability of having had childhood head injuries resulting in unconsciousness, and several differences in MRI-detected brain structures.

        Such studies suggest that there are one or more neurological characteristics present at birth that cause or increase the likelihood of being pedophilic.

        Source

      • Jarix@lemmy.world
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        3 months ago

        Some yes.

        Next time someone commits suicide and no one knows why, ask yourself. Did they realize that were a pedo and couldn’t live with those feelings?

        I know I should consider that option if I found myself having this thoughts/feelings