Weird. I had the opposite experience.
Used to have gfs. They constantly nagged me to don’t work out, to not get a better job, to drink, to smoke, and party. oh and don’t have friends they don’t like and don’t do anything that doesn’t involve them. i was always trying to get us to get better jobs, take classes, try new things, try new places, etc. They would have NONE of it. Having goals and wanting to do stuff in life made me some sort of huge asshole to them.
I’ve been single 6 years and my salary has gone up 250%. in the decade I was dating women… it went up like 10%. and i am fitter, stronger, have lots of cool hobbies and i volunteer a lot. I also have pets and own a home. Only thing I don’t have in life that I want is a wife/child.
And when I try to date… i just meet women who think all that shit is gross. I already went on three dates this month and got told by each woman that I was ‘too put together and active and serious about life’. they just want someone to get drunk with on the weekends. I don’t. I can’t seem to find any women to date who actually want to be an active participant in their own life.
I grew up in the country where lots of people are like this. As an adult, I’ve always lived in cities. I’m some odd amalgamation of the two, perfectly content in not chasing goals but also hyper vigilant in avoiding people that enable poor health decisions. It’s quite a zen life, to be honest, but I often come upon people who work both extremes: pushing me toward unhealthy habits or pushing me toward more prestigious paths, assuming depression. I don’t know; I’m just happy to be healthy, competent, and well fed.
And, I’ve always been single, having never been compelled to try. When you don’t intend to have children, the calculus changes. I would enjoy having the full human experience, but my outlook prevents me from making that choice.
I know you aren’t asking for advice but many people search for partners in places that only have 1 type of person. For example you don’t look for a wife at the club or you don’t look for a party animal at church.
Sounds like you are looking for a certain type of person in exactly the opposite place you should be looking.
i am not looking for any type of person or in any particular place.
i just tend to attract women who are losers. even rich losers. i’ve dated women who had way more money than me who constantly compared about how broke they were and how hard/difficult their life was how I should make more money so they can sit at home no their ass and do nothing. these were doctors/lawyers even.
it’s a very common mentality among USA women, esp single ones.
Also note that i’ve observed that there’s whole swaths of areas which seem to have the same/similar personality type. Like, i grew up in some backwards country village, and all the people there seemed to have a very specific type of mentality that i didn’t share (which is why i hated it there). Note: i was an immigrant child. After moving to the big city, i met much more like-minded people, and everything got better.
My lesson is: In some areas, even large parts of land, people are very similar and if you don’t get along with them, it’s probably best if you move somewhere completely else instead of trying to stay and make friends with them.
Fake: anon has girlfriend
Gay: motivated by sticks
I agree that if your partner really wants to build you up, that it can help getting honest feedback from your significant other; i have changed a lot of things to make living together work better. But the way anon describes it sounds insufferable and more like he likes being dominated; also, it can put you under constant stress if the demands are unreasonable or don’t respect your needs.
Are those divorce bells I’m hearing?
Why would they divorce? It sounds like OOP is doing everything his girl wants.
Because nobody wants to be married to a child.
oh boy do i have news for you …
Cause she will get bored and he will be never good enough
“she will get bored” a.k.a. she is young and wants to make lots of different experiences in life.
what if she’s older and has already made these experiences?
You are right
I already get all that shit at work, minus the “go to gym”, I don’t need it back at home, thanks
The guy just discovered female led relationship. If he likes it, it is like a heaven.
Meh. It’s more finding the person that compliments you. Your SO should compliment you so your weaknesses are less pronounced and likewise you should do that with your SO.
A rising tide lifts all boats.
Meanwhile, my wife enables my executive dysfunction, saying things like “oh, just do it tomorrow.” I have to explain to her, if I don’t do it now, it won’t get done for a month. Saying it out loud like that seems to give me the motivation to do it now.
Hope this works for you for a long time.
Tho it’s good that your wife understands the mechanics behind it.(Or maybe she already does and you maybe sometimes need the ‘tomorrow’ & she is looking out for you/managing your dysfunction better than you might think?)
Not wanting to be a lazy shit that lets her do all the housework is 99% of my motivation. But when I get the motivation to do the dishes it has to be now or it’ll be never.
Omg I get that so much.
Also it’s a motivation that doesn’t “get old” on it’s own (other circumstances would have to change).Nice!
Children need a parent, and some adults never pass that stage.
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Not swearing is a big fuckin ask.
Yeah but the advertisers don’t want to be associated with that language so he’s gotta censor it.
Anon learns the joys of being a pet
When you put it like that… 😅
Pet does not sound too bad, sex is optional.
That’s not a girlfriend it’s a second mother.
Odepus
Well there’s a fella who really loved his mother
He spent more time in her than dad did, before he even was born. Guess he got addicted.
Oof
Pretty common phenomenon. And it works for some people, there are men who need hand holding and women who want to nurture (or vice versa). I think it would be healthier for OOP to recognize it for what it is though, and also that it’s not a universal experience. For example I’d be miserable as either party in that relationship.
Hey, if two (or more) people are making each other happy and doing well, right on. Yea that "traditional " style of relationship isnt for me. Especially the idea of withholding conversation or sex as punishment. Well, if it was kink minded then maybe, but I digress.
Anywhoots, being in a happy stable relationship certainly helped me get some of my act together. Hopefully i wont fully come apart the seams right now.
Especially the idea of withholding conversation or sex as punishment.
What if the withholding is driven purely by emotion rather than being premeditated?
Like, someone is angry, so they dont talk for awhile? They are sad, so maybe no fuckey tonight? Etc. Thats fine. I dont mean to say they should always be talking or fucking.
Withholding to punish, or to steer the partner a certain way is what seems problamatic.
Yeah, like that.
My point being, what we end up saying is that two people could do exactly the same thing, but it is only acceptable if there is no premeditation and everything is completely emotional.
I feel like we are making the same point
As long as they’re consenting adults I guess
Woof…
That’s rough
Puppy girl core
