Sure, i will infodump people if given the chance, will listen to music on repeat, on my ANC headphones, and be a somewhat picky eater, but if you looked at me from afar, maybe you coudn’t tell right away, i can study, i can work, i can be social if i need to, and maybe, if you meet me, the first time you may not notice it right away (unless you’re neurodivergent yourself).
But, when time passes, and i lay my guard low, somwthing will inevitably happen to show me, painfully, that i’m indeed autistic, meltowns, misunderstandments, worse, you name it, and then you remember, you’re autistic and there is no escape, this is what I am and there is no fighting it, i’m autistic, and need help sometimes, with some things.
I overall like to be autistic, i don’t want it gone at all, i feel is basically who i am, but at the same time it is very frustrating, this year and a half, has been awful for me, i dropped out of university and tried to work, but they fired me because they learnt about my plans of getting back at uni, in this whole time (and my numbers were good, i even did sales, i’m sure as heck it was that), whenever i wasn’t rotting on my parents house, i had so many fkng momments that remind me, like a punch on the face, that i’m autistic, not gonna lie, at university had many too, bit atleast there i had an structure to cling onto, because yay comorbid adhd /s.
Anyways, sometimes i feel that if i was more obviously autistic, it would be more obvious to people, that i fkng struggle with things 😭.
The issue is not where on the scale of functional you are, it’s that 99% members of society work/are neurotypical. I’m so far on the functional scale that >40 years went by without me noticing my autism. The result: many crashes, health damage and lots of unhappiness. Also alexithymia.
The I got really angry for what I had to go through and yet there still is absolutely no public or health support regarding this even though I am in Europe. You know, because to them I don’t look like an autistic young boy.
The concept of masking is not yet anywhere to be seen in their awareness.
Anyhow, apologies for rambling on.
It’s invisible differences, as in the awesome comic, which is the issue.
Similar to me. 57 now, autism+alexithymia+aphantasia but only discovered all of this through self-directed research. Because I “look normal”. Just a “bit weird”. All of my issues & attempts to cope just seen as me being “moody”, or “argumentative”, or generally arseholish. Anyway, not looking to whine just agreeing with you - it’s not easy and there’s not really much practical support, even though the health services here (UK) claim otherwise.
No need to explain (the reasoning), we know the pain.
Yeah moody and all that crap. Endless social crap. Sometimes tolerance but no understanding.
Paid for my diagnosis myself, objectively (aq, EQ and another one) completely on the spectrum but refusal of the diagnosis because I don’t look like it. Thats some kind of meta burn and discrimination. Still, nothing we can do.