History tells us the British left has a proud tradition of infighting that dates back to when Karl Marx was beefing with other radicals in London’s finest pubs But in modern times, it’s like we’ve turned it into an Olympic sport – even in the face of Donald Trump’s megalomania.
The left-wing marathon while Trump rampages
The unsightly circular firing squad isn’t just entertaining for centrists, gleefully munching on popcorn, it’s also brutally disruptive for the left.
The left has a go at each other because we’re passionate, principled, and pathologically unable to agree on pizza toppings, let alone ideological purity.
Hilarious? Only if you’re a fucking hedge fund manager with more money than sense.
It’s funny in an extremely tragic way. The right unites around a sky-dwelling mythical white dude with a fluffy beard, an unelected and unwanted King with a nonce for a brother, the systematic scapegoating of Jonny Foreigner, and tax cuts for the rich, while we’re over here debating if we should vote on the whether the revolution should be gluten-free.
Do you remember 2019? Corbyn versus the world (including his own party) gifted Boris Johnson a fucking landslide.
And the consequences? Policies we hated, like austerity on steroids, while we’re left licking our wounds and blaming each other, and seven years later we’re still sticking the boot into each other because we don’t like how Your Party blunders from one day to the next, for example.
It might be a mess, but it is their mess. There is a fine line between demanding accountability and open hostility.
I wonder if anyone has ever given some consideration to public perception? Have a chat with the average voter, whatever that means. We look like squabbling schoolkids through their eyes.
“Why should we vote for a party on the left when you can’t even get along with each other?”, they say, before ticking the box for the right-wing candidate promising to get Brexit done for the umpteenth time and deport refugees to an igloo prison camp in Greenland.
Or is it Iceland?
Action have consequences
Again, our actions have consequences.
Do we want to encourage apathy among potential supporters? Burnout for activists? — 99% of whom are volunteers with no interest in factional warfare — and a left that’s perpetually in opposition? Perhaps we favour protest over power?
We’re our own worst enemy, handing power to the Eton elites on a fucking silver platter for the sake of a few likes and a pat on the head. It is existential self-harm on steroids.
Solidarity? More like solitary confinement, please.
Corbyn and Sultana’s chaotic lovechild, Your Party, is like watching a car crash in slow motion, except the car is on fire and everyone’s arguing about who gets the insurance money. Let them get on with it.
If we don’t stop the self-flagellation soon, Farage’s fascists, propped up by whatever is left of the Tory party, will be in power for a generation while we tweet angrily into the wilderness.
And talking of Nigel Farage, has he been offered a place on TACO (Trump Always Chickens Out) Trump’s illustrious board of peace?
Trump out of control
If anyone deserves a place of peace alongside Trump, Benjamin Netanyahu, Tony Blair, Vladimir Putin, Viktor Orban, the Saudi head choppers, Bin Laden, Mussolini, Pol Pot, Harold Shipman, Mao Zedong and Chuckie from Child’s Play, it’s that utterly detestable shithouse, Farage.
This orange overlord’s board of peace is the absolute epitome of authoritarian narcissism — one man hoarding power under the guise of benevolence, echoing every pitiful tin-pot dictator we’ve ever condemned.
Permanent seats on this council of clowns and wanted war criminals will set you back a mere $1 billion. Think of the UN Security Council, but with the seats being auctioned off on eBay to the dictator with the most dollars.
Trump’s UN-bypass board of peace is going to be stacked with barbaric, human rights abusing regimes that bomb their own people or invade their neighbours, all chaired by the guy who calls dictators “smart” and thinks illegal annexation is a fucking negotiating tool. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
Honestly, Jesus didn’t just weep when Donald Trump shuffled into Davos looking like a melted waxwork of a Wotsit that has been gangbanged by a malfunctioning tanning bed. He actually projectile-vomited holy water and screamed, “FATHER, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME THIS BADLY, YOU UTTER removed?!”
I’m going to have the militant arm of the Church of England on my doorstep in the morning, ready to nail me to their cross and carry me past all 318 Greggs outlets in Swindon until I repent.
This pay-up peace plan isn’t diplomacy, it’s capitalism, dangerously colonising peace itself. This is what happens when you let a shit property developer run foreign policy. Peace isn’t going to be negotiated but sold to the highest bidder like a penthouse in Trump Tower.
Trump’s UN-bypass board of peace is going to be stacked with barbaric, human rights abusing regimes that bomb their own people or invade their neighbours, all chaired by the guy who calls dictators “smart” and thinks illegal annexation is a negotiating tool.
Donald Trump’s vision of global order is just an empire with a paywall. It emboldens autocrats around the world, from Putin to Netanyahu, who see Trump’s model as a license to grab their own chunk of global power.
Buying the rules
Incredibly, even Keir Starmer has given a hard swerve to Trump’s terrifying attempt to privatise international relations. That’s how bad this idea is.
Trump’s Board of Peace isn’t flawed, it’s evil by design. A billion-dollar bribe to bypass genuine multilateralism, launder the filthy reputations of war criminals, and pretend colonial meddling is peace-building.
It deserves nothing but contempt, ridicule, and relentless sabotage. If we allow the powerful to buy the rules, the powerless will end up eating the consequences.
Maybe I’m just a bit old fashioned? Trump’s terrorism by Truth Social is a direct assault on the very idea that peace might just belong to the people, not the paymasters, and Britain, regardless of the US President’s threats, must tell the tangerine tantrum in no uncertain terms, to get fucked.
“We’ll end up losing our nuclear deterrent!”, scream the centrist rats still clinging on to HMS Labour.
Exactly my friends…exactly.
Featured image via the Canary
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It’s not just the UK.
