I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been depressed and hopeless for the past year, not because I feel I have nothing to live for, but because I do. I’m finally a real fucking person for the first time in my life, and I’m living through a nightmare world I somewhat expected. None of this really surprised me. I knew our future would be a horrific decline for my entire adult life, but I was prepared to face it because I didn’t care whether I lived or died.
The year and a half I had as myself before I knew I’d have to live through fascism was the first time I was truly looking forward to my future. I naively hoped that I’d at least have till China invaded Taiwan to establish a life for myself without an extreme upending of the status quo, but then the worst came to pass and I knew it was only a matter of time till my future became fully criminalized.
So now all I can do is survive. To not get imprisoned and very likely die. To somehow outlast the hate directed at us and start to regain what was lost. I won’t kill myself for them; they’ll need to do it themselves.
FWIW, many of the elder gays/lesbians I know are getting armed and learning/teaching to shoot. Other folks are migrating to safer places to provide a pathway to safety for trans people. Straight allies are training in resistance, de-escalation, wasting fash time and resources. Others are training skills and tactics best mentioned in person.
To be clear, I think we need a lot more of it. And we need to connect, grow, share, provide mutual aid, etc offline (or on encrypted platforms) more as well. Everyone whose heart isn’t rotten has a role that they can play, and an amount of risk they’re in the position to take on. It’s not on the shoulders of those who are targeted, but community, connectivity, and working for a cause can be great ways to counter hopelessness and despair. Find it where and how you can, survive, stay safe, and know you are loved.