I don’t know how to help them when they’re so insistent on being their own jailers though.

Their hate to trans women comes from the fact that they hate men (probably because of the systematic misogyny of our society) because of unprocessed and unaccepted trauma. They can’t (or don’t want to) understand that trans women are, in fact, women, so they just focus on them the hate they feel for men. It’s just misandry with extra steps.

The problem here is that they are so focused on hating that they can’t see beyond it. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.