I had a few signs growing up, but I wasn’t really dysphoric until I hit puberty age. I had a trend of identifying with characters who were men and not women, I would try to copy my dad when I was really little because I wanted to be like him, but when you are five that stuff can be pretty flexible. I also loved femme style dressup, so there wasn’t a huge reason to think I wasn’t cis.

I should have realized when my mom gave me her college bio textbook as her way of giving me “the talk” when I was 13. It mentioned puberty blockers for trans people and I asked about it. Trigger warning for transphobia here: she told me being trans was when gay men wanted to have sex with more men, so they would change their bodies to look like women. My first thought was “That makes no sense, being a woman is awful, why would anyone want that, I would give anything to be a guy.”

I didn’t get my lightbulb moment until college. Attended an educational drag party and decided to go ‘in drag’ as a guy. Bound my chest, used makeup to contour my face and give myself a moustash, the works. I didn’t like how I looked because I thought I didn’t pass. But I did pass, to several people, and each time they would gender me as a guy, I felt that gender euphoria. I also learned that you coukd be a trans guy and do femme drag, which helped, because I do love femme fashion.

It would be a couple of years before I was able to start my transition, but almost 10 years later and I am so happy I decided to do it.