Bored and feeling too nauseous to do much atm while recovering from surgery. So i wanted to hear about some of your experiences. I think mine was quite uncommon because i never identified my personal discomfort as dysphoria and rather found out through lying about my identity online (for anonymity purposes) that being seen and addressed as male felt incredibly euphoric and just right. Through that the discomfort in my day to day life becoming more apparent till i eventually had to consider the possibility of being trans and everything else kinda started from there. I was 15-16 during that time. The dysphoria i felt in younger years for me back then was just something i assumed is normal if youre a teenage girl
It began with a long attempt to not look too hard into the fantasies of being a girl or to transition that more or less dominated my internal life as a kid. Then as a teenager I asked myself seriously if I was trans and found a stupid argument I could stretch to say I wasn’t. I spent the next year or so low key thinking that there was a 50% chance I’d transition later in life.
Then at 18, after a high school religious retreat, I accepted that at least a part of me was female and I wasn’t cis. I spent the next year and a half closeted nonbinary identifying.
At 19 everything just kinda started overflowing. I was seeing online trans women start to appear that were just like me, and they made it less scary. And I decided I’d start experimenting with femininity. I made some breast forms and something just kinda clicked there. As that night went on I started really thinking about my dysphoria and how while it had a sinusoidal steady state solution, the transient solution continued increasing (calculus is transing genders, you heard it here first). Then it just clicked. I still remember my first thoughts: “fuck I’m a woman. Shit, that makes me gay. Fuck, my life’s going to be hard isn’t it.”
After that it was just a question of if I tried to keep it hidden until I could dip out of everyone in my life’s life or come out and transition quickly. I’m glad I chose the latter.