I hate that I belong to this nationality, i hate the way I look and the way I think because I’m no different from most of these people who disgust me. It’s crazy how much I don’t want to be around these people, and at the same time I don’t want to be anywhere else so as not to disfigure anything with myself. I have no future, no dignity, no hope. It’s such a pity I wasn’t born in the ussr when there was no internet and everything was closed; then I wouldn’t have known that there was another life, I would have just cum in my pants from propaganda about the glorious Motherland and enjoyed all this crap, and everything would have been wonderful.
I believe that everyone contributes to humanity in a meaningful way, regardless of where you are. At the very least, I’m sure that people you’re related to want to see you staying healthy and happy (including other Russian people you’re distantly related to).
Hating a part of one’s self reminds me of https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9761-avoidant-personality-disorder (and maybe other mental conditions), so talking with a licensed medical professional about this might be helpful for you.
I want to note that I see resources for Russia from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
I don’t care what my relatives think, they didn’t worry about me when they gave birth to me in extreme poverty, in the family of my alcoholic father.