It’s often hard for neurotypical people to understand this, which I get. But it really can be traumatic
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juSt Be yOUrSeLF
Yeah I’m not sure if I’m Autistic or what - but I empathize with consistently misunderstanding things, telling jokes in poor taste, etc.
I dislike the word ‘trauma’ being used to describe it. It wasn’t deeply distressing or disturbing, it was inconvenient. It didn’t stop me from living my life, the only thing it did was give me perspective on what ‘normal’ is.
I get that. For other people it can lead to being alienated and targeted for bullying… which really can be traumatic
I can acknowledge that those things are traumatic, for sure.
Using the word ‘trauma’ isn’t about people trying to be dramatic. Most autistic people (especially late diagnosed autistic folks who don’t understand why they feel so alienated), suffer from actual, clinical trauma. It stems from a lifetime of misunderstandings, cruel treatment from nuerotypicals, and societies built on ableist systems:
Trauma can look like a lot of different things. It doesn’t always come from specific, intense events. Some times it sneaks in via very small, subtle occurrences that aren’t usually a big deal, but are very effecting when they happen frequently enough.
I was really angry when I found out that most people aren’t being constantly mentally bombarded by a highlight reel of all of the fuckups they’ve ever done, all the time
I was even angrier when their solution for me was ‘Just don’t let it bother you’
I stopped caring when they forgot what I did and I forgot what they did that was embarrassing.
That’s nice you can do that
I can’t, at least without medication with life crippling side effects
But go you I guess
Oh hey it’s my experiences when trying to deal with people! Except it’s like the first half goes well then I just must be doing something because I leave thinking things went well then find out later no
No they did not
And I pull my hair because it’s usually something small and I’m just “why didn’t you say shit at the time???” and I’m told that’s rude but I was taught it’s ruder to let shit fester??
I leave thinking things went well then find out later no
No they did not
I do a lot of interactions online and just assumed that almost all misunderstandings were because almost half of Americans are illiterate. Then I was diagnosed with autism. I now only think about half of them are because of that.
Improv and theater helped me. Being able to roll with the situation and turn it into something fun or different has saved me from constant anxiety. I also channeled that Simpsons energy of Homer’s First Day so when I fuck up I expect jeers and taunts, which I can handle, instead of outright anger. And being able to roll the taunt back into a burn or accept it as valid criticism helps drop the subject.
This was so incredibly true when I was a kid. Really tough childhood. Didn’t help that one if my parents was authoritarian and prevented us from watching TV, further isolating us from those common social interactions of knowing TV shows or lines. Blocking TV was, of course, punishment for poor grades and failure to accomplish tasks at home too, because wouldn’t you know it, ADHD goes hand in hand with ASD.
I always had a hard time telling if people were trying to talk to me, which is especially frustrating because you can’t safely err on either side. You always respond back, lots of intensely awkward and humiliating interactions with people having to explain they weren’t talking to you. You stay quiet and wait for a clearer signal, some people will get offended and angry because they think you’re purposely ignoring and insulting them somehow.
I wouldn’t say that I get traumatised by social interactions going wrong but they definitely get stuck in my head for a while; I keep thinking about what I could have done differently, even if it wasn’t really my fault.
Wait, that… that’s autism? Fuck…
Fuck indeed
Why is my life in this image…
I’ve mostly given up on social interaction and making friends. I guess that’s just how living with autism goes.
Missed jokes and references? That is something you need to mention alongside the other issues?
Yes, people can be offended or get the wrong idea from a misunderstood joke or a person can feel left out if they don’t get a reference. Humor can be a big part of building connection and repiore with people.
Replaying and perseverating on interactions can be a big problem too.
I meant this more like not telling jokes if they are such an issue. Or only with specific people.
That just sounds like masking with extra steps to be honest. Also, removing humor from every day actions sounds dismal. Just because we’re autistic doesn’t mean we don’t like to laugh.
This is only in my experience, and I can only speak as to what works for me and my Autism/ADHD. Medication and cognitive behavior therapy helped me keep my humor and learn to not care if people don’t like my joke or reference. To wait for them to ask for clarification, and only give clarification if they ask. I’m lucky though as my brand of humor isn’t really considered to be offensive as I like to “punch up” as it were. Also, most of my references are from the most basic bitch shows like The Simpsons so YYMV.
