this is the first year my friends and mother neglected to get me a gift or anything of value. usually, i’d be given some money or something useful. occasionally, a friend would buy me a Steam game off my Wishlist. i had never come to expect this and told those buying me things that it was unnecessary and that i loved them regardless. my friends have supported me in many ways throughout my life. i truly owe them a lot and would never ask for more or hold this behavior to them every year.

however, i guess part of me came to appreciate their repeated kindness on my birthday over the years, because as the evening of my birthday approached i noticed other than a “happy birthday” or two i hadn’t received much attention at all. nobody gave anything.

damn. huh. well, we’re all in difficult spots financially. …but one of my friends is literally in his best paying job ever and has a decent savings account. i shouldn’t read into it. even if the reason was simply “eh i just didn’t want to,” i am okay with that of course, but it does sting a little. it makes me feel old and dehumanized. i am 36. who cares about the feelings of a 36 year old? who gets a gift for a 36 year old? who celebrates a 36th birthday?

i’m having a bit of existential dread, i think.

  • Rhaedas@fedia.io
    8·
    4 months ago

    You should try to separate the feelings of disappointment from not getting something (materialism) and from not being recognized. In the past when you told people gifts were not needed and you just appreciated the intent of wishing you well, did you mean it?

    Flip it over and ask, if someone didn’t wish you a happy birthday at all but just shipped over some trinket around that day, would this feel satisfying? Do you need the wish along with the present, or are you focused on what you’re getting physically vs. the sentiments?

    I’ve never been a big birthday person, or any of these gifting holidays, as I hate the stress of both finding the right thing for someone and the dread of getting something I don’t want or need but having to act happy (not that I don’t appreciate their effort, but they could have not and just spent time and I’d be much happier).

    I think what I hate most about any type of yearly anniversary is that it’s always felt to me like it’s an excuse to act different on that day to the receiving party (birthday, Mother’s Day, even things like Memorial Day), but what about the rest of the year? Why should one day be so special and we forget people or treat them any different for 364 other days? That’s just my take on holidays in general, and I think the over-commercialization of them all has created the resentment I feel about them.

    But back to the original topic - you have to figure out why this impacted you so much. If it’s materialism, then address that, it’s not healthy. If it’s just the attention needed, that’s more understandable and you can fix that by being the instigator of your attention and ask friends beforehand if they want to go out for your birthday somewhere. Both as a reminder to them (maybe some actually forgot, it happens) and to give that centered focus that you may need. Lastly, think about why birthdays are so important to you. Are you the same way with Christmas or other holidays? Do YOU do the same for others, giving attention and some tangible thing to everyone you know? If so, maybe that’s why it bothers you, since they aren’t reflecting your actions. If not… well, that’s a bit hypocritical, so think about that a bit.