I don’t think that at all. I think you’re struggling and this is a cry for help. I’m just trying to give you a stick. (Like https://boggletheowl.tumblr.com/post/41509206591/ive-been-getting-a-lot-of-these-lately-and-i )
Unfortunately no one outside yourself will be able to save you on this one. You have to decide to make effort to improve. Especially if you’re not in the financial position to get professional help. Good luck and I wish you the best.
Your options are to continue to be miserable or work on yourself. You don’t seem to want to do the work, but you do a good job pulling down excuses.
I’ve mentioned plenty of ways to get around being broke. But you don’t want help. You want to complain. Hopefully some day you’ll get past that. I wish you luck with your health issues.
Changing yourself is not erasing yourself. It’s improving yourself. ‘Old and weird’? Nah, I got lots of old weirdos that are an absolute delight in my life.
Okay, you’re not a bad person. How is someone supposed to know that? What do you do? Tell me about yourself, but don’t say stuff about what you are. Tell me what you do. 3 things.
Chances are the more you do, the more you’ll find yourself around people that will find what you do desirable.
“being unlucky” - aren’t we all, at least sometimes? “Unable to be social” - believe it or not, this is a learnable skill! Google or YouTube ‘how to make friendly conversation’ “Having no one around” - are you living alone in a forest where you must hunt/gather all your food? Even if that is the case, you clearly have the Internet! “Being a failed adult” - again, all adult skills are learned skills. That’s why babies are so bad at adulting. “No job or money” - those are things you can get! The more skills you have, the easier it will be! “To offer any woman” - If your goal is a GF, get skills that make you a desirable partner.
Plenty of good qualities don’t cost a dime.
Edit: and you are totally capable. It’s just going to take effort, which, judging from your replies, you don’t want to put in. Can’t help with that part.
I’ll say it again. Kill the part of yourself that resists change or it will kill you.
I have AuADHD. Executive dysfunction so bad I will look at clothes next to the laundry basket and say “those go in the basket” and then walk away. Then do it again 10 more times in the next half hour. I get it. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s very much not. But you gotta walk away from your learned helplessness or nothing will ever change.
My point before was that small steps are still steps. Most skills are learned in tiny increments. You won’t be able to look back and see progress for a bit. That doesn’t mean there’s no progress. If your goal is to feel bad for yourself you’re succeeding. But if it’s to become a functioning adult then you gotta start somewhere sometime. Yesterday was the best time to start but today is the second best.
I responded elsewhere as well, but I want to say this here too: you clearly have some issues, and it can be really hard to deal with that when you’re not in a good mental or financial place, but I encourage you to find a way.
Pick something. Anything at all, that you are interested in learning or doing and google it. Learn a skill. You’re worth the time it takes. Start working towards a way to be a success on something. Anything. Learn to be a good cook. Learn to code. Learn to juggle (admittedly less helpful in the real world, but at least interesting). It doesn’t matter what but start working some kind of improvement. When I was a baby, I couldn’t do anything for myself, but turns out if you do something enough times you learn anyway.
This isn’t about the sex thing. It’s about you feeling stuck and unable to move forward. It’s about you feeling like a failure and being mad at yourself for feeling that way. Your brain will resist change. Kill the part of you that refuses change before it kills you.
You don’t have to sit stagnant even if it feels helpless. I promise that by doing something, anything, you’ll start to feel a tiny bit better week over week. And some day, you’ll look back on this question and know the answer (assuming that’s a goal of yours).
Then go get some qualities that are worth shit in the real world.
Hey I’m a swing state voter! Can I sign up myself for the money? I will sign saying I support the first and second amendments (I really like that part in the second about the “well regulated militia”). I mean, $47 is $47.
It’s because in the majority of cultures (and hegemonic cultures today) have had men at the top of their hierarchical structure and there are more straight men. The male gaze makes women into sexual objects, culturally we see women as inherently sexy as a result.
This is the same when you see little kids given dolls with different skin colors and told to pick the “good” and “bad” doll. Even children of color pick the white doll for the good one. Because “normal” or “default” means good. In the case of sexual attraction in a straight male dominated society, that means sexual attraction to women.
Edited: I accidentally pushed the post button too soon…
While this is indeed a list, it pales in comparison to what you can do in or near a large city.
I enjoy a ton of things on your list but there’s stuff you just can’t easily do outside of a metro area. Especially stuff you need a specialized teacher for.
I’m from the rural South and there are plenty of ostentatious displays of wealth. Particularly surrounding how your home looks - decorating for every single holiday for no reason comes to mind.
Plenty of rural Americans are super poor. It generally takes more money to live in the city so that should make some sense. I grew up rural poor - my family were partially subsistence farmers, cutting our grocery bill.
To answer the question from OP - I’m not sure I count as properly middle class but I’m definitely more stable than I was growing up, so I’ll say my biggest changes are being more conscious of what I look and smell like. When you’re poor, everything smells like whatever’s on sale. I have kept my tendency to overbuy during sales for anything is shelf stable for long periods of time even if I already have plenty.