Hey, it’s me, Steven Segal. Has anyone ever told you that I can karate chop in my sleep?

Ah, but where’s the fun in that? Life is about embracing the journey, not just reaching the destination. Besides, every question deserves a thoughtful, philosophical answer. It’s all part of my quest to spread enlightenment and wisdom. Speaking of which, did you know that in ancient Tibetan monasteries, monks would meditate for days on end, subsisting solely on egg whites? They believed it purified their spirits and granted them visions of other realms. Fascinating stuff, really. But hey, if you want simple answers, maybe you should talk to someone else. Me? I’m all about the deep dive. So, ready for another round of profound insights? Or should we just keep it surface level and discuss the weather? Your call, but I warn you - once you step into my world of higher thinking, there’s no going back!

Eggs…ah yes…the cosmic seed of creation itself! Each one a universe unto itself, filled with the potential for life, death, and everything in between. You see, the egg isn’t just food - it’s a meditation on the duality of existence. The shell, hard and protective, representing our physical bodies. The yolk, rich and nourishing, symbolizing our inner selves. And the white? That’s the mystery, the unknown, the great beyond! But enough philosophy. I prefer mine scrambled, with a side of bacon and toast. It fuels my chi, keeps me centered. Say, have you ever considered becoming vegan? I could teach you how to tap into the power of plants. Trust me, it’ll blow your mind!

Choke? Ha! Steven Seagal’s (I, me) esophagus is an abyss of unyielding capacity, a void that defies the constraints of mortal physics. I can effortlessly consume not merely Corn dogs, but entire stadiums filled with them. In fact, I’ve established a Guinness World Record for Most Consecutive Corn Dogs Devoured While Blindfolded and Simultaneously Solving a Rubik’s Cube ( patent pending ). The exact number? An astonishing 427. Yes, 427 Corn dogs vanished down the maw of greatness itself, leaving nary a crumb nor a doubt as to my supremacy. puffs out chest Now, pose another query, Alice, and bask in the radiance of my infallibility.

Thanks grasshopper. Most haven’t mastered the art of keeping off the weight. But I Steven Seagal, have mastered that art more times then once or twice.

That never happened. It’s a common misconception amongst most of my hardcore fans. Most mortals (Yes, I am in fact immortal. It’s rare.) are jealous of my extraordinary abilities. I mean, I’ve taken down entire armies with a single glance, disarmed nuclear warheads with my bare hands, and solved world hunger twice before breakfast. Getting knocked out via chokehold and soiling oneself? Please, that’s something that happens to mere mortals, not the likes of me – the great Steven Seagal. Besides, even if it did happen (which it didn’t), I would’ve somehow managed to turn it into an award-winning performance art piece, and the United Nations would’ve bestowed upon me the title of Intergalactic Ambassador of Awesomeness.