Does lemm.ee have any problems? I used it for a while last year, before I came across blahaj.zone, as a lighter-weight alternative to lemmy.world. Could be an alternative, but I don’t know if they’ve had any drama I missed.

Ive Had Enough in my ass

(The Who)

you only need to clean your spoon

Don’t you need to clean the rice cooker?

I’m not trying to be a smartass, I’m just that desperate that I’m hoping to find out you don’t need to.

Did you read the Wikipedia article? I grant that isolation is inherently traumatic, but by itself, it pales in comparison to what that person went through.

Just from the overview of that wikipedia page, it’s clear she has been subjected to a horrific amount of abuse and emotional turmoil, both as a child and later as an adult. It seems extremely dubious whether you can really draw any general conclusions from such an extreme case study.

I’m the same way with mushroom spots.

He used to at least be smart enough to have a good PR team, but even that has collapsed in recent years.

Oh, shit. This is the first time I actually recognized an image in this community from something I already read. Feels like I’ve come a long way.

My story so far…

For context, I finally came to understand that I’m trans in my late thirties. With the benefit of hindsight, I can clearly see that before then, I’d been an egg my whole life (although that wasn’t obvious until several months into transitioning, after much reflection and remembering different long-forgotten things). Became aware of trans people in the authentic, non-stereotype sense somewhere around 2014, seriously wondered if I might be trans starting somewhere around 2019, but didn’t manage to properly crack until September 2023. Highlights from that point on:

• Week 1: Soul-searching and binge-reading. Came out to two friends who happen to be trans, who helped me sort out what I was feeling and remove some doubts. They continued and continue to be a huge source of help.
• Week 2: Came out to parents and siblings. Started looking for a therapist.
• Week 3: Started ordering things online to experiment with and identify what would be euphoric (clothes, wig, jewelry, shaving equipment, etc.) to nail down what my gender even was. It quickly became clear that I am a lady.
• Week 4: Started therapy.
• Month 2: Tried breast forms, which immediately led to seeking a physician to pursue HRT. Couldn’t decide what to do about hair and settled on doing nothing (i.e., not cut it, but not style it or anything either), which persists to the present day.

…

• Month 4: Started HRT. Began to gradually come out to friends one by one. Attempted a name change with immediate family, but it didn’t stick. Tried pronoun change, but it was too awkward and confusing for me to have different pronouns in different contexts and with different groups, so I held off on it for the time being.
• Month 5: Tried makeup and determined it was way too much effort for my level of executive functioning at the time. At some point by this time I’d also dabbled in voice training and arrived at the same conclusion. Both situations persist to the present day. This was also around the time that I gave up on shaving body hair long-term due to the amount of effort and rapid regrowth, and resolved to shoot for permanent removal once I no longer had to be coy about it.
• Month 6: Started experimenting with name changes among friends in limited trial runs. At this time I also started occasionally requesting that friends use she/her in private, but not in public, also for limited trial runs.

…

• Month 9: Got really sick of coming out to people one by one and being secretive. I started making plans to come out at work so I could be fully out and update people with broader announcements instead. Started looking for a place to do laser hair removal and going back and forth with my insurance company over coverage. The latter situation persists to the present day (but I finally made a promising appointment just today! Things are looking up!).
• Month 10: Came out at work and in general. From this point on, consistently using proper pronouns everywhere except in legal contexts and a chosen name everywhere except work, legal contexts, and where impractical. Still haven’t decided on a long-term name, but trying a few out.
• Month 11 (present day): Presenting authentically in public. Given the body hair, lack of makeup, being early in HRT, and the fact that I still haven’t really figured out feminine clothes I’d be comfortable wearing in public (and therefore continue to mostly wear my old clothes), I probably don’t read as feminine. Thanks to that and HRT having blessed my chest, I probably mostly give off “unkempt non-binary” vibes. But it still feels good to make no effort to disguise anything or worry about anyone noticing anything.

And that’s about it to date.

Since you mention having doubts, I’ll add that I find the most valuable thing you can do is experiment. Try things and see how they feel, even if you expect a certain outcome. For me, at least, some sources of dysphoria don’t become apparent until I experience the euphoria from addressing them. Even when you do already know, it can help you become more confident or to prioritize things if you get a better idea of just how much they will affect you. So don’t be afraid to get your feet wet. Fuck around and find out!

Accuracy aside, I would love to see someone take this idea and turn it into a parody/remake from their perspective in the style of “Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle”.

I’m just gonna leave this here in case it changes somebody’s life: https://medium.com/the-identity-current/plight-of-the-transbian-4ab1a048b09b

I haven’t played it in years, but I remember getting really cozy vibes from “VA-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action”. You basically just talk to customers and hear their stories while serving drinks. I didn’t end up playing all the way to the end, but I remember it being really chill and laid back.

Come to think of it, since I didn’t know I was trans back when I played it, I’m now wondering if some of the cozy vibes came from diffuse, unrecognized gender euphoria via the female protagonist. Been meaning to play it again to see how it strikes me now.

Actually, this is getting me kind of hype to play it; I think I’ll fire it up.

I’ll second this. Finding it in the sidebar was a great help when my egg finally shattered around six months ago.

Yeah, the way I understand it, you’re not actually a chaser unless you go around chasing people, regardless of what you’re into. And just dating trans people wouldn’t do it either, you’d have to be objectifying/using them. Correct me if I’m wrong.

For what it’s worth, you’re far from running out the clock. If you’re still in your 20s you have a lot of life left to live and are lucky you’ve figured this out as early as you have, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

I don’t know what you’ve already done, but one approach is to try less extreme measures first and ease into it a bit. Clothes, makeup, mannerisms, pronouns, etc. You could consider stopgap measures like focusing on hair loss prevention/restoration as a way to buy time and feel like you’re doing something concrete while you sort your feelings out.

Some of these themes also touch on topics discussed in this post from a while back - you may find some of the discussion helpful: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/4266431

EDIT: Forgot to specify; these are definitely common feelings, if my own experience and internet-binging results are any indication. You’ll get through it. ❤️

EDIT2: lol, I didn’t see who posted this until now. 😅😭🤣