i read about black holes in an encyclopedia and how nothing can escape from them when getting too close and thought that they’re a real threat to me in daily life. i’d look around when i was outside making sure that i’m not getting close to any so that i don’t get sucked in. i must have been very good at avoiding them since i never saw one.
the same encyclopedia had a part about human reproduction and showed an illustration of sexual penetration. i thought it looked uncomfortable and wondered why anyone would want to do any of that, and seeing how many people have kids i came to a conclusion that people do it because it’s mandatory and you are required to do it. i was very much not looking forward to the day it’s my turn to have sex, until i realized that you simply just don’t have to.
in kindergarten my mom was talking with the caretaker about a “life-booster” that “wakes her right up”. i interpreted it as it making her wake up because she’s terrified by it. for a week i was living in dread, thinking that this “life-booster” was some kind of malevolent entity that wants to kill me, who might be nearby and watching me. i imagined it as some kind of evil goblin and i checked my room thoroughly every evening to make sure he’s not hiding anywhere so that i’ll survive the night. after a week i realized that they were talking about coffee and that’s the thing that people drink to be more awake and that it makes no sense that there’d be a monster out there that’s looking specifically for me.





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