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Cake day: August 19th, 2025

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  • i read about black holes in an encyclopedia and how nothing can escape from them when getting too close and thought that they’re a real threat to me in daily life. i’d look around when i was outside making sure that i’m not getting close to any so that i don’t get sucked in. i must have been very good at avoiding them since i never saw one.

    the same encyclopedia had a part about human reproduction and showed an illustration of sexual penetration. i thought it looked uncomfortable and wondered why anyone would want to do any of that, and seeing how many people have kids i came to a conclusion that people do it because it’s mandatory and you are required to do it. i was very much not looking forward to the day it’s my turn to have sex, until i realized that you simply just don’t have to.

    in kindergarten my mom was talking with the caretaker about a “life-booster” that “wakes her right up”. i interpreted it as it making her wake up because she’s terrified by it. for a week i was living in dread, thinking that this “life-booster” was some kind of malevolent entity that wants to kill me, who might be nearby and watching me. i imagined it as some kind of evil goblin and i checked my room thoroughly every evening to make sure he’s not hiding anywhere so that i’ll survive the night. after a week i realized that they were talking about coffee and that’s the thing that people drink to be more awake and that it makes no sense that there’d be a monster out there that’s looking specifically for me.






  • in my first three years of college i spoke to maybe ten students, pretty much all of them because we were assigned a team project together. only one guy talked to me because we were sitting next to each other at the same class and i started a few short-lived conversations with whoever was next to me before exams if the teacher was taking too long to come.

    besides that, many people (almost everyone it seems) came into the college as friend groups from high school. they spoke to each other, but you’re not within that friend group and it feels awkward to butt in a conversation where everyone’s already highschool friends and you’re a stranger.