Not that it matters now, but I’m curious. I don’t know if I was popular. I had a lot of friends in middle school and I would say I did in high school too, but a lot less people knew me as the middle school I went to was smaller.
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I was something like a popular class clown eventually. The first six years of school (ages 7 to 13)(or really 6 to 13, because i had the same classmates since preschool in the same building) I went to a really small school in my more rural part of the rural town that I grew up in (seriously the entire school had three classrooms in the building with one teacher teaching two different years at the same time i guess? because there were still 6 different classes for each year, and i seem to remember it being like that, but i seriously can’t be sure anymore). So weren’t enough people to start discriminating against. But then the last three I went to the larger school in the centre of our town (and where everyone from every local elementary school went for secondary school), with more students and thus more room for discrimination. And there I found out I was on the last rung of the ladder with the rest of my class… But then again I did seem to fall into quite a deep depression at this time and grew completely alienated to most of my male classmates, some of whom i had had since even before school, so it can well be that I completely imagined being an “outcast” as much as I did. But be it as it may, I’ve yet to be in any kind of contanct with most of them since secondary school ended, when upper secondary school started I found myself alone. Luckily, a fellow as-of-yet undiagnosed autistic kid found a likeminded individual in me, and took my introverted ass under his more extroverted wing for protection. Even more lucky was that this kid (who i still consider a brother to me, after all these years. i am not exaggerating when i say that he saved my life many times, and showed me unrivaled patience even more) had large amounts of friends from the local sports teams and related folks, so I kinda basically just slided right in. Indeed – despite all the depression and anxiety, and the general teenage drama, and the fact that the town we grew up in was so completely devoid of anything else to do for most people our age that we drank a whole lotta alcohol – to quote Bryan Adams in The Summer of '69 - Those were the best days of my life.
So popular I had to quit and go to work full time
nope. i have various disorders, including autism, making my “friends” think i was incredibly stupid and had the intelligence of an animal. i was bullied, had rumors spread about me, and all sorts of things happened.
Man, I’m sorry :((
THOSE WERE NOT FRIENDS
Nope. I was the satellite friend. I orbit around other people’s friendships and made no effort to foster my own.
lolno. I was teased relentlessly. My parents did nothing to stop it either. They could have home schooled me or changed schools or whatever. But nope. Did nothing
No, never was. I’m glad I’m not.
And to hit it home how unpopular I was, when I got my senior yearbook, I was in a particular section of the book where they seemingly put the undesired students in. Like, every senior got pages where they got nice pictures, they got a quote and some bio of them. Where I was at, there was none of that, just a couple pages of pictures of students they don’t care for, even though we all got the same piece of paper that asked us what we’d like to say. Didn’t matter.
Funny how none of the people who ran that yearbook staff, went on to do bigger and greater things. I haven’t heard of or read their names doing anything significant. Just goes to show people just have a lot of ego in schools.
I went to a private elementary school where I was pretty picked on. One of my parents grew up poor and was an immigrant, the other grew up poor and rural, so neither really understood why I had a hard time socially in a suburban private school with mostly wealthy kids.They didn’t know how to help.
I transferred to a public middle school where I was neither popular nor unpopular. My elementary years taught me to avoid relationships so I just tried to blend in and keep things very surface level with other kids. I had no close friends but I was not being picked on.
In high school I developed a couple of closer friendships, but I would not say that I ever completely let my guard down. Like middle school, I wasn’t really picked on but I was certainly not one of the popular kids. I did let myself join athletics so I developed more self confidence, but social relationships were still superficial.
I’m now in my 40s and have been confronting myself about the fact that other than my wife and kids, I’ve not let myself have too many close relationships. I know it was self protective, but it also kept me isolated. My wife cannot and should not be the one person who meets all my needs.
I’m putting myself out there a bit more but man is it hard to make new friends at this age. Better late than never I guess.
Hey I applaud you for putting yourself out there!
I think the fact that you’ve managed to marry and have kids is fantastic. It’s a big social hurtle that a lot of hermits never end up making it with, so you should be very proud of yourself for being vulnerable with another human being like that.
Tbh, I think over time that it ends up quite normal for people as they age to really just have their spouse and kids as their main “friends” without many others externally. So I think you’re doing pretty good on the weirdness and socialization scales haha.
But yeah I totally get you wanting to allow your wife a breather and have some other buddies to share the “social burden” with (I don’t mean it negatively, just not sure how to phrase it).
Best of luck to you!
Seems a lot of us learned to avoid relationships. School isn’t really a good place for socialization
Bingo bango. I seethe inside when I hear people talking about forming friendships and smoothly sailing around in social situations, telling others to just be themselves and be happy. The majority of them could never even comprehend what true bullying is. That shit affects you for life, and you’d be lucky if you ever get someone close enough to be able to be open again.
The fact that schools are fertile ground for this type of abuse isn’t talked about enough. It’s only good because it’s the only option left where large numbers of kids gather in one place. If school sucks for you the internet is your only other option
Exactly! You said it. Just because you stick a bunch of kids together for hours on end does not mean they will become friends. Some do but many of these relationships would not happen outside of a school setting, same as friends from work enviroments I guess. Some friendships can be formed IMO if the school/work setting bond can be translated/migrate to other settings. For example, I now have friends who started as clients of teachers or whatever and our relationship has many different layers and tendrils. I like that.
I have one friend with whom I just celebrated 25 years of friendship with and we have been through ot all: Family deaths, marriages, having kids, getting jobs, losing jobs, moving countries, etc. And we could not be more different from each other if we tried lol. What I am trying to say is that making friends is not for the weak and I applaud you for putting yourself out there as scary or stupid it can feel sometimes.
Schools also make a lot of structural decitions that make genuine socialization harder
Absolutely.
I was an outcast
No, I was not and unfortunately was often picked to be bullied until I raged and went to his throat to close it (English isn’t my native language so don’t know to explain it otherwise).
After that no bullying but wasn’t popular either. However, fun fact; no one who was popular at that time succeeded it life. They didn’t really went far either education and some even went to jail.
And myself? I got myself from a practical school to now having bachelor degree. So, fuck them.
Hope you’re doing better now.
Growing up for me, the popular kids were actually also usually intelligent and got into good universities. So the stereotype of popular kids being dumb really doesn’t ring true everywhere.
Hope you’re doing better now.
Yeah, definitely. Got my bachelor degree in Finance and currently having a immensely relaxing but boring job (which is alright, bit of a relax after years of studying). Just having this as my first Finance job while searching for another better one.
Honestly though, I know it sounds really mean and rude but: I’m truly satisfied seeing them having less good than me.
- One works at McDonalds and served my order 6 years ago and complained how he got ‘‘fucked over’’ by the teachers which he blames for not being able to continue studies.
- One went to jail for a 6-12 months.
- Another guy always acted smart and tried to put me down when we were 13-15. He did not entirely finished his studies, works retail and ended up jobless because the company went bankrupt (probably now having another retail job with a meh-salary).
From what I have heard here and there many of them never got their Bachelor degree. We all come from a ‘‘practical’’ school (teenagers who could not or did not want to actually study). I worked my ass off to actually climb the ‘‘study-stairs’’ and got the Bachelor degree and might go for Masters (Chartered Controller, Public Chartered Controller or Accountancy).
- Important note 1: I’m not saying that working in retail is bad. However, it does feel satisfying seen bullies serving my orders.
- Important note 2: English is not my native language, so some sentences or words might be worded a bit odd.
Growing up for me, the popular kids were actually also usually intelligent and got into good universities. So the stereotype of popular kids being dumb really doesn’t ring true everywhere.
Unfortunately to hear, I at least hope you are also doing better now. Honestly, fuck them. They might be ‘‘smart’’ or having a ‘good job’ but believe me, some parts of their live are quite shit. People always try to show-off their ‘‘good side’’ and hide their bad sides.
School is a prisonlike environment, so it’s not surprising that the people who did well there went on to prison
From kindergarten through high school I was always adjacent to popularity but never popular. I got along with all the subgroups, which was convenient since I never really had to worry about being a target.
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I was. Started out really shy until something clicked in the sixth grade and I became a lot outgoing. Might also have to do with being appointed to deliver the morning announcements for a year. At the end of each morning’s announcements, we’d call students up to the office if it was their birthday so I and the office staff could sing happy birthday to them and give a birthday gift (usually a pencil, sticker, or mini candy bar).
For some reason, I did maintain the popularity despite how little I socialized outside of school hours and official extracurriculars. Many students would greet me by name and it was awkward when I didn’t know their names. By the nature of taking AP classes, my usual friend group consisted mostly of well-off and somewhat nerdy students.
Writing this made me realize how much being socially connected brought to my morale and well-being. It was a privilege and I most certainly enjoyed it.
I was well-liked, but not what I’d consider “popular” per se. I ended up being friends with a bunch of people from the various cliques and extracurriculars.
I worked in the school theater (peep my username lol) and ended up running shows for a bunch of different groups. Many of the football players were extras in the musicals, the cheerleaders were in the dance shows, the band kids were in concerts, etc… And all of the super outgoing popular kids were actors. So I didn’t belong to any of those circles, but I had plenty of friends in each. I could reliably show up at any of the various school functions and find some friends to hang out with.
Not really during gradeschool or highschool. We moved around a lot so being the New kid every time was not easy. That changed when I entered college, I had a blast and was super popular: Got invited to parties all the time, karaoke contests, barbecues, summer outings, etc.but kind of an anomally at the same time because of the fact I was a scholarship student in a private university surrounded by rich kids. I graduated top of my class and elected valedictorian. With time most of those relationships fizzled down and while I still keep in touch with some of my classmates who were closer to me, I only keep one good friend from that time. Me and him are tight as thieves and have been through many many things together over the years. Now in my mid forties I have been able to make new true friends through shared interests or some who started as clients or neighbors or other roles, that have now become friends and I feel happy and content about it.
I was liked by most of the students, but I wasn’t Miss popular. I basically stuck with my own friends group. My school was small, so it really didn’t matter.
