Sometimes in my dreams I die
and then I wake up, and then
I wonder if when I die
I'll wake up
and remember this dream.
So far, weird dream.
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I love this. The 3/4 waltz rhythm, ending on a solitary 4/4 line, feels like dancing with death, but she is better at it. The “and remember this dream” needs a vinphantom badly. I’m a sucker for vinphantoms, even if they take up space, breaking the line in two, it creates the distance for the second part of the line to land harder than it would have.
Thanks! Glad you liked it. What is a vinphantom? I’ve never heard the term, and a search didn’t turn up anything poetry / meter related.
It’s what can be closely described as “\v” vertical tab.
You mean like a text break? Something... like this?Something Like This
ah, I see. significant whitespace in prose. delightful. learned something new today. you have my thanks.Almost a haiku, beautiful. Keep creating, my friend.
