I try to be consistent with online and physical ways of doing things but onine things are not necessarily realtime. So completely ignoring a text would be like ignoring in real life but it might take days for me to respond. I mean I am talking from a perspective of independent adulthood where you support yourself and others and are constantly just a hairs breathe from dropping the balls that keep that support going. But like in college I tended to have a challenging course load so could see it taking time then to. Honestly if anyone expects a return on communication before the next weekend theyre expectations do not meet reality. I also hate texts (and smartphones) and you will get an email response oftentimes before a text response as I am often in my email but not as often checking texts.

I’ve always found that a solid exorcist helps a lot with ghosting. It’s important to get a good one though. A bad exorcist can actually increase ghosting.

It’s cowardly behavor that dehumanizes people.

Since many have already answered to OP, I will ask another version of question similar to this.

What kind of ghosting is this when people only text you when you text them first? And when you don’t, the conversation never happens again?

For this post let’s assume the people involved are or were in the past friends, and ghosting is leaving someone on “read” for more than 2 days.

This doesn’t match how I’m used to seeing ghosting defined.

That behavior might be unfriendly, but there are a ton of innocuous reasons people do it. People are busy and not every message merits a prompt reply. If someone sends me something that requires more time or attention than I have at that moment like a video or news article, I’m likely to make a mental note to look at it later. I might actually remember, and then remember to send a reply about it. I might not.

It’s maybe a little rude not to respond to something more important or time-sensitive, but I can always ask again or use something more synchronous like a voice call. People are busy, life happens, tech can be unreliable. It’s best not to assume intentional disrespect.

My understanding of the term “ghosting” is permanent or long-term cessation of communication over all channels without explanation. That should be reserved for situations where someone is a physical danger or behaved in a manner so egregious they almost certainly know what they did.

Depends. Someone toxic that doesn’t respect boundaries? Absolutely. A good friend for no reason? No.

Depends on how much time you knew someone. But I think generally it’s speaks better of a person not to ghost someone. I’d want someone to tell me, and it’s only right to do the same in kind for someone else.

In no way would I consider read for 2 days as ghosting

ghosting is leaving someone on “read” for more than 2 days.

This is totally normal behavior. People are busy. Sometimes they read your message and say to themselves “I see this now, but I’m feeling stressed and busy right now - I’ll reply later when I can write a good response.” But then later happens, and it turns out they are tired and forgetful.

Especially if you are just trying to have a casual conversation - people will treat these messages as lower priority and also as requiring more emotional energy, since the conversation isn’t urgent but they don’t want to write dismissive one word responses.

I recommend:

1. Send texts primarily to exchange information or make arrangements to meet.
2. If you want to have a conversation, either meet in person or have a phone call.
3. If a person has failed to respond to a text, then wait until the next time you have some reason to contact them - which could be as simple as “I want to talk to them”. At which point, text them the info you need to give to them and/or pitch a time to meet up or have a phone call. If they don’t respond to this, I tend to follow up with a snarky “HellooOOOoooo”. And then if they don’t respond to that, a sincere message asking if they are okay. If they still don’t respond to that, depending on the friendship, I may either write them off, or ask mutual friends what is going on.

Yes

I think there are a couple of things to pick apart here. First off, the main question:

Would you equate it to a person ignoring you irl or is ignoring a text different?

Yes, I would equate it to that. But as ignoring someone in real life, context matters.

For this post let’s assume the people involved are or were in the past friends

Are or were? Because that’s a very important distinction. Because if you are friends, that’s a pretty nasty thing to do. If you’re friends, you’re most likely important in their life. Ghosting can be especially hurtful in that kind of situation, because they trusted and maybe even relied on you to a certain extent.

If you were friends, why are you not friends anymore? Did you just drift apart? Than it’s not great to ghost them. Them texting you can mean that you’re still important to them and that they would like to actively work on mending your friendship. If you don’t want the friendship anymore, say it. And if they don’t accept it, then you can ghost them. Did you cut off the friendship because they were abusive? Are they bombarding you with messages or trying to compel you to do something? Then go right ahead and ghost them.

Do you consider ghosting people a reasonable way to deal with today’s overwhelming and constant information and notification overload?

If a friend or a former friend messaging you (normally, I’m not talking about bombarding you with messages here) is a part of your constant information and notification overload, that’s a problem in and of itself. Take a look at what is part of that notification and information overload. What is important for you and what can you do without? I would think, for instance, that messages from friends are more important than notifications from social media (including the notification you may have gotten from this reply). Take some time to filter that out. And if you really have too many notifications from friends and feel the need to cut down on the number of friends, first off consider if it’s really the case and you’re not running the danger of isolating yourself (take a good look at this, it is way too easy to ignore or not notice but can have serious consequences), and then talk with the affected friend directly and explain your situation. At least then they know what’s going on and you were fair to them.

It depends on the situation and level of time investment.

If it’s someone you just met and immediately didn’t vibe with I think it’s fine, no time invested

If you’ve been on a date with them it’s kinda expected to turn them down. Time has been invested, if it’s a no don’t let them waste time.

If you run into them regularly it’s a bad idea regardless because leaving them on perpetual read with no resolution creates tension.

Eh. I get it. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Unless you’ve been dating for like 8 months or something

It’s immature. Just say you’re taking a break from messaging right now.

Double goes for dating. If you get ghosted by someone, probably a good thing, because they aren’t relationship material yet.

I’ve always associated the term with the online dating arena. However, I’ve lost touch with people after moving cities, or having various life changes occur (sobriety etc.), is that ghosting? I’ve had to go no contact with a few ex partners and friends for mental health and safety purposes, is that ghosting? I have adhd inattentive and occasionally respond in my head to a text message but unintentionally fail to respond in actuality, is that ghosting?

The definition seems to depend on the recipient to a large degree. A lot of folks here are saying “you have to communicate or it’s cruel/cowardly/sociopathic”(yikes to that last one btw). Well, I recently had to end a friendship and I communicated to them, as kindly and as clearly as I could, that things had run their course. I did not ignore them or suddenly cut them off, I communicated. They didn’t like what I had to say, and went a little bonkers, so I blocked them and now their story is that I ghosted them. Idk, it seems to be a slippery term in my experience.

I’ve never felt offended by someone losing touch with me or by getting busy with life etc. Life happens, things and people change, it seems natural to me that a lot of relationships have expiration dates to various degrees. The only times I’ve had people aburptly end communication with me was when I’d said or done something egregious and I don’t fault them for it. That only happened back in my drinking days, I’ve not had it happen since getting sober ten years ago. In my experience, which is by no means universal, if someone abruptly cuts you off, it may be time to take a step back and examine your behavior and/or expectations. And if it turns out they were just a shit person, then let them ghost, good riddance.