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Me: Hi yes I’d like a small burger
USA:
Slop both literally and figuratively.
I kinda feel the picture being AI adds to the point, honestly…
I like your AI post, don’t listen to the haters.
Same, it was humorous. I chuckled internally.
Goddammit, stop fucking posting AI slop.
Sorry. I just searched “biggest burger” on Ecosia, so at least I didn’t generate it. But I will try to do better in the future.
I’d honestly prefer a poorly drawn depiction of this drawn by human hand or a classic MS Paint edit to do the same thing. The AI slop just feels like a slap in the face
then draw it yourself
The point is not elitism in art skills but even objectively terrible stick figure drawings by humans are far better than AI slop, especially for a shitpost online. Heck stick figures were memes for a hot minute so it would also come across as a throwback
less talking more drawing
39% caffeine by volume
Me : I’d like a black coffee please
USA : And how much whipped cream and sugar would you like with that?I always used to get “should we leave room at the top for cream or sugar?” It makes sense since at that spot the cream and sugar are off to the side to be added by the customer. And black coffee was used to differentiate from the various flavored or specialty jawns.
But it always made me giggle that the simplest order in coffee needed clarification.
jawns
I’m a native English speaker and had never seen this one before. Apparently only used in eastern Pennsylvania
lol eastern pennsylvania. Its from philly.
I know this is a joke but if you ask for black coffee or unsweet tea, you will get what you are expecting in most cases. They may ask as a courtesy if you want sweeteners or creamers with that because many people wish to sweeten their drinks themselves as they may prefer artificial sweeteners or wish to control their dairy or sugar intake for dietary reasons.
Unless you’re in the south you mostly don’t have to specify unsweet for the tea (unless it’s something that sometimes but not always comes with things mixed in like chai). Coffee should be that as well in theory but so many people drink it in different ways that if you just order a coffee or espresso or whatever you’ll get asked if you want it black (and dont get me started on restaurants asking if i want my martini w vodka ir gin). Chains have (or had, it’s been awhile for me) their own lingo as well, like at dunkin a “large regular” meant 2 creams and a sugar (or maybe 3 and 2, I can’t remember)
When they reach for the 16oz paper cup after i order a cortado…
Europeans don’t tolerate shit cheap robusto coffee. The brown sour water Americans drink is the typical quantity over quality model.
Americans mostly drink Arábica beans. The only Robusta coffee out here is in Vietnamese style coffee filled with a ton of condensed milk.
some of the cheap stuff like maxwell house is a mix of arabica and robusto.
Nonsense. Dunkin donuts, every office coffee maker, and most fast food coffee is robusta. That’s why people kill the taste with sugar and fat.
It’s burnt to hell. That’s why it’s like that. The cultivar doesn’t matter at that point. You could start with the best beans and it’d still be shit roasted like that.
The cultivar matters, but only when it’s roasted well. These huge coffee companies burn the coffee to ensure consistency. It doesn’t matter what they started with.
I feel like you might not actually know that much about coffee. You’ve heard two names and that one is supposed to be better (it isn’t, just different, and useful in different circumstances). You then stopped learning and think you know everything.
No?
We work with local coffee farms to grow our coffee, using only 100 percent Arabica coffee beans and the highest quality coffee available.
You know that America basically invented modern coffee culture that exists everywhere else now, right? We’re well beyond truck stop diner coffee.
Hell, even Mr Coffee was a great improvement for its time.
Edit: the next European who posts “you need to learn about other countries” while also thinking Starbucks is the only thing the US does for coffee gets . . . I dunno, maybe a gif of a cat falling off a fence.
Oh, and btw. Mr Coffee was not an improvement, it was a copy of a device invented in Germany 20 years before, perfected by the Danish company EVA. Mr Coffee is unknown outside of North America because these devices already existed in the rest of the world.
Copying stuff from somewhere else is not a problem. China does it all the time and it’s fine. The problem with the Yanks is, that after copying stuff, they make it worse and afterwards claim they’ve invented it.
What made Mr Coffee unique wasn’t being the first drip machine. Its design was extremely cheap AND reliable. There’s a reason the design is still the most popular today.
Nothing else comes close.
Mr Coffee was not extremely cheap outside of America, it doesn’t even exist outside of America because the problem it solves was already solved by other companies outside of America.
I understand that it might have been a great improvement for the American coffee drinkers (I don’t know, I’ve never heard of Mr Coffee until yesterday because I’m not American), but it did nothing to influence “coffee culture everywhere else” as the OP boldly claims, because everywhere else is outside of America!
“you” may not have, but all your drip machines use it’s designs… Have a good day!
Who’s design again?
The Melitta machine cost 120 DM in 1965 which is ~270€ today, the Mr Coffee cost 40$ in 1972, which is ~270€ today. It wasn’t even cheaper, just later.
Lol whut? Espresso, Cappuccino and Latte macchiato are Italian,
Drip filter coffee was invented in Germany as well as decaf Cold brew is Duch/Japanese Boiled Coffee is from the Middle East/North Africa Irish Coffee is from Ireland, but similar drinks are known with different names and different spirits at leas in France and Germany. The French Press is from France, first patented by an Italian
Instant Coffee from New Zealand Frappé is from Greece Iced coffee is from AlgeriaYou Americans might have invented abominations like Starbucks, but that’s not coffee culture worldwide. Noone I know drinks that stuff. There are somewhere around 100,000 and coffee bars in Italy alone, 31 of which are Starbucks built for American tourists. (Maybe it’s 35 by now). There are 10 times more traditional Cafés in Berlin alone, than Starbucks in all of Germany.
Americans did invent ruining coffee, though!
Starbucks is an abomination. They tried to launch in Australia in the 2000s and ended up losing loads of money and closing most of their stores.
They couldn’t compete with even our worst chain stores let alone our endless individual coffee shops.
Lol whut? Espresso, in particular, has been heavily developed over the past few decades with a greater understanding of things like water temperature and channeling. A lot of that started with American baristas.
Starbucks is what started it. It didn’t finish there.
Wait I was about to downvote you because it sounds like something that an AI would hallucinate but actually TIL that espresso drinks (not espresso) were actually modified and popularized by starbucks and peets and their versions, and not the Italian versions, are the ones that are most popular through the world
the fuck are you on about? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Espresso
The world doesn’t revolve around the fucknited states of no healthcare
Just stop. You’re not getting the nuance at all.
ironic, since there is very little nuance to the whippedcream “coffecintos” that starfucks serves
I really hate that we have to filter everything through “is this post just AI?”.
Edit: and when I said “Starbucks is what started it”, I was thinking more along the lines of Second Wave Coffee and how that’s led into everything else since, not just espresso. Starbucks isn’t considered top quality even in the US, but they should get credit for moving things along.
My personal favorite coffee shop, the one that makes absolutely stellar espresso, is from a guy who started it in a friend’s skateboard shop.
Espresso, in particular, has been heavily developed over the past few decades with a greater understanding of things like water temperature and channeling.
dude…see the world, there is an entire industry of coffee machines in Italy since the 1920s. A hundred years ago. Starbucks was and is second rate shit for suburban moms.
Americans just turned coffee into hot desserts.
I’m not even talking about Starbucks beyond them starting the second wave. Travel yourself. American coffee does not end with Starbucks.
If you’re going to continue that strawman, then there’s nothing left to discuss.
I just read about the “second wave” for the first time, and allegedly it was Starbucks’ idea to “transform coffee consumption into a social event instead of just consumption of coffee”.
But I can guarantee you, that that’s a purely American view, as coffee consumption has been a social event long before in the rest of the world. Fika in Sweden was a thing since the 19th century. Sospreso has been a thing in Italy a century before Starbucks copied it. I don’t know since when Kaffe und Kuchen is a thing in Germany, but my Gradma told me how her Grandma used to put out the white table cloth only for the Sunday Koffee. And she was long dead when Starbucks got their Idea of serving pastries with coffee. Austria got their first Kaffeehaus a century before the USA even existed. In Mecca, coffee houses were banned from 1512-1524 as they were too sociable for the imams who feard the politicization of the coffee drinkers.
And don’t get me started on the “third wave”, a marketing term coined by some hipsters in Los Angeles or New York to sell overpriced “specialty” coffee to other hipsters from San Francisco or Boston.
And I assure you, there’s more to it than just building a coffee chain.
Which is a shame, because coffee should be a desert flavoring, and Starbucks is still trash.
Bro please stop. You are absolutely 100% wrong and have no idea what you are talking about. Just accept it as a an opportunity for uncovering some of the bullshit propaganda your patriot bubble creates.
Italian coffee snob here. Even Starbucks coffee isn’t bad. They have a lot of stuff on the menu that frankly leaves me with more questions than answers, but you don’t have to order that. The filter coffee is way, way better than the average.
While I would recommend both learning about other countries as a general principle, and sending me a GIF of a cat, I’m finding it hard to come down on American coffee while living on a continent than thinks French coffee or German coffee is perfectly fine.
You know that America basically invented modern coffee culture that exists everywhere else now, right?
What language do you think espresso, cappucino, americano, latte, venti, etc. is?
You’re stuck on the original origin. That’s not where things have ended up. Espresso around the world is nothing like what it was in 19th century Italy. It’s not even what it was like in the late 20th century.
Do americans actually believe this shit or are you trolling?
I mean, Americans also believe they invented pizza, cars or putting meat into a breadroll.
Yeah, I’ve had someone make similar arguments with pizza before. Beats me
Lol idk when the last time I, an American, encountered robusta coffee except one time I had to order it from a specialty retailer online in order to try it. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Also, unless it’s specifically espresso, “good” European coffee is consistently worse than good American coffee. We just can’t do espresso well.
EDIT: I said what I said you Nescafe drinking heathens.
I drink a giant travel mug of black coffee every day. I have no excuse. It’s my only joy.
You should try sex and drugs.
Mid thirties. The sex would have to be mind blowing to replace even gas station swill at this point. Drugs it just depends, I need my brain for work.
That sounds like it’s not your joy, it’s the drugs you take to meet the unhealthy inhuman standards set by your shitty coercive masters.
Well I like my job, so no one has to twist my arm to do it. And I like the way coffee tastes. I like the texture. I like the warmth. As long as it’s a dark roast. Who knows? :)
Okay, so you’d still do coffee in post-scarcity?
I still recommend sex and real drugs for pleasure.
They’re clearly already doing drugs
Yes but good drugs!
Weed really mellows out the caffeine jitters but it can make you a bit sluggish so better fill up that coffee cup.
For mellowing out caffeine, I recommend l-Theanine and CBD.
Ask for the same in America and you get a 2 liter cup.
With mostly sugar in it
Then you got the good stuff, otherwise it’ll be high fructose corn syrup
Liter? That’s a quarter gallon or something.
Unless it’s soft drink, right?
Side note on American metrification:
I do enjoy that the online calorie/macro counting scene in the US seems to be using grams now.
Wait until they realise they can do g protein/100g instead of per serve or cup, or hogshead.
One day you bastards, one day…
US nutrition labels have used grams for my entire (over 30 year) life so that’s probably why everyone uses them for online macro counting.
And it’s like 80% milk.
And 15% sugar, wait no, high fructose corn syrup
No, it’s 40% milk, and 40% corn syrup.
And the rest is sugar
Americans generalizing the whole of Europe again. In Germany, a large coffee is certainly not the American size, but it’s also not the small Italian size.
And it’s usually filter coffee like the US unfortunately.
But worse
I’m sorry, but how?
coming from feddit.IT that’s how 😁
It’s because they add milch instead of milk
Of all the things they’ve ever done, this is the most unforgivable.
Idk how, but the German coffee I’ve had had usually been worse than the American coffee I’ve had
Don’t get me started with coffee in France
huh, I don’t see anything wrong in here
If you don’t want that, just don’t order “Kaffee”. Every half decent bakery sells Espresso or Café Crèma, you just have to ask for it.
Is this the “Pocket Rocket” I keep hearing about? Small but packing more caffeine than all the uppers combined?
which is why i order by volume or weight.
An American large coffee is a litre-sized flavoured sugar syrup sundae which may or may not contain a homeopathic quantity of coffee. Sort of like British chocolate.
I will drink the full liter black.
That’s because “A Coffee” means ‘an espresso’, as my Portuguese friend told me. She also told me that “Lemonade” doesn’t mean sprite like it does in the UK, much to my dismay when I asked for one in a restaurant.
Don’t know where you went, but Lemonade doesn’t mean Sprite in the UK.
…Yes it does, Sprite, Schweppes, even the own-brand stuff you get in the shops is all called Lemonade colloquially.
It definitely does. In all my years ordering vodka lemonades I’ve always gotten a Sprite, Schweppes or R White.
I feel like you don’t know what real lemonade is because yeah you always get sprite or whites, if they think they’re being posh they’ll give you whites, which tastes exactly the same as Sprite so I don’t know what the point is.
In the states, Sprite is a carbonated mildly lemon tasting soda pop. Lemonade is squeezed lemon and sugar, and maybe with something else like Strawberry, but fairly tart. And no carbonation, unless it’s specifically made with Seltzer or something. Or spoiled.
Lemonade is squeezed lemon and sugar, and maybe with something else like Strawberry, but fairly tart.
I don’t know about American lemonade being tart. Every lemonade recipe I’ve tried has a fuckton of sugar added to it. Even when I cut the amount by 1/3 it’s still super sweet.
Well, more than Sprite. But I do like it tart.
And it will be infinitely more tastyl then the swill I get in a dinner from the pot that has been stewing for hours…
The difference between an European and American cup of coffee is that the former doesn’t contain 70% palm oil, high fructose corn syrup and artificial flavorings.
TIL I’ve only ever been served “European” coffee here in North America.
Caramel macchiatos haven’t been a hit the Old World, I take it.
What’s interesting to me is just how popular massively sweet, milky tea has become in the USA. Never thought I’d see anything challenge coffee’s dominance.
I tried one by accident once. If it’s normal to just use caramel flavor, it’s fucking disgusting.
My mother’s mom was from Ireland; Pop was a mutt with an absolutely fucked up upbeinging, so no idea! But my mom and her brother, as well as her 40 first cousins, all drink Lipton tea with milk. They just love basic tea with milk. No sugar, nothing, just black water with milk in it. I bring up the heritage because I assume it’s something they brought over, because outside of my family I don’t know many people who put milk in tea.
I’m a black coffee with a little stevia guy myself. Wife got me into stevia and it placebo’s away the heartburn I got from just drinking straight black.
Breakfast tea with a splash of milk is super common in the UK, that’s not weird at all.
Also, the whole of southeast Asia, and at this point the world, loves milk tea - especially with tapioca pearls, aka “bubble tea”.
I’m from Jersey and it’s weird here. I included the whole Irish thing because I assumed it came from there. They were south Irish, but presumably had similar tea habits.
They are popular enough here in the UK, certainly, but I suppose we already had a fairly sweet tooth for our tea. Coffee that isn’t a sugary milkshake does remain the default if someone just says “coffee” though
Thats still the same in the US. The portion of people willing and able to spend the money on making coffee not taste like coffee is just very vocal about it and chain coffee (starbucks, dunkin, etc) is pretty horrendous without other flavors covering it up. McDs is ok because they buy out a lot of the bigger “ok” suppliers but then you have to go to McDs.
Good home coffee doesn’t have to be expensive! Moka pot is the way to go, IMO. Been using the same one I bought like 8 years ago for $30 every day. I do replace the rubber gasket every once in a while, but it’s still very cheap on the whole.
I’m a cafetiere fan, but I’ve got a moka pot and a V60 as well because sometimes you just want something else. Getting a nice double-walled pot for ~£20 and some good coffee to put in it is some of the best value for money I’ve gotten. I don’t spend big on anything or go for any fancy gear. There definitely is space to treat it as a hobby/artform and go into all the tiny details if you want, but you don’t need to do all that to get great results
Well, the UK is the America of Europe.
Perhaps use SI units instead of “small, medium, large”
as much as I love SI units, coffee sizes for decent cafes are already pretty standard across the globe:
4oz (shots) 6oz (small) 8oz (regular) 12oz (large) 16oz (iced, etc)
??? A .5l iced coffee is not “regular”, nor is “shot” the smallest. A typical shot of espresso is 30ml (1floz), half for ristretto, double for lungo.
these are cup sizes… you typically get a shot of espresso, ristretto, etc in a 4oz cup
like these: https://foodpackagingonline.com.au/products/cups/paper-coffee-cups/single-wall-coffee-cups/ccswwh04
similarly you get things like a magic (3/4 cup double ristretto flat white served in a tulip cup - a tulip cup is ~180ml - same as 6oz) in a 6 or 8oz (depending on the cafe) just not entirety full
also, regular that i put in the comment is 8oz, which is ~256ml - not 500ml; 250ml is a metric cup, so it’s a pretty reasonable regular size even in roughly metric terms
…But that’s cup size, not coffee size. And even then, an espresso cup is something like 80ml (illy US specifies 3oz), which makes sense if a lungo is 60ml. A metric cup is legally defined as 240, not because cups made in Europe are 250ml, but because the US customary unit of “cup” translates to about 240ml of volume. Actyal, physical metric cups are generally 80-150ml. A 240ml “cup” is more of a mug than a cup, really, and even mugs are usually .3l or so.
And I don’t think I’ve ever, in my life, gotten served a half-liter of anything non-bottled, other than beer or maybe soup.
yet again the US does weird af stuff:
The cup currently used in the United States for nutrition labelling is defined in United States law as 240 ml
Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and some other members of the Commonwealth of Nations, being former British colonies that have since metricated, employ a “metric cup” of 250 millilitres
Canada now usually employs the metric cup of 250 ml
Similar units in other languages and cultures are sometimes translated “cup”, usually with various values around 1⁄5 to 1⁄4 of a litre.
so let’s not base anything metric on what the US does
and as for cup sizes
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_cup
Cafes use various sizes of coffee cups to serve mocha, lattes, and other coffee drinks. They are typically 225, 336, 460, and sometimes 570 ml
225ml = 7.61oz
336ml = 11.36oz
460ml = 15.55oz
which pretty much exactly matches up to the 8, 12, and 16oz standard cup sizes as i mentioned
if you walk into pretty much any cafe in the world that has a barista and not just a machine, you’ll be able to ask for an 8oz flat white and you’ll get roughly the same amount of beverage in the same sized cup
This might be true for the non-US anglosphere but I guarantee you if you walk into a normal coffee shop in germany and ask for 8 ounces (or rather “Unzen”) of anything they’ll blink fast and ask if ounce wasn’t a measurement for gold or something.
And a cup of espresso is usually around 25ml (so a bit under 1 fl oz).
i don’t know what to tell you mate, but i have, and do this regularly: i travel to berlin yearly and drink multiple coffees per day when im there… they have them labelled as their size names, but they are 8oz-12oz sizes: what they call them is irrelevant; it’s the standard when buying the cups, so they are 8oz etc sizes
it’s also kinda irrelevant what a shot of espresso is: they come in 4oz cups… this is the standard that a cafe will give… a shot of espresso is a shot of espresso; the volume of liquid doesn’t really change, and you wouldn’t pay more for a larger amount without extra coffee anyway
for flat whites etc, the standard GLOBALLY is an 8oz cup with a single shot (or sometimes 2 depending on the bean - really that can vary depending on the cafe and how mild their beans are) full to the top with steamed milk… that’s it - there’s no ifs buts or maybes… it’s the same in germany, it’s the same in france, it’s the same in belgium, it’s the same in australia, and yes it’s the same even in the US
even starbucks behind their ridiculous names for their cups use standard cup sizes: a short is 8oz, a tall is 12oz, a grande is 16oz
They are typically 225, 336, 460, and sometimes 570 ml
You mean “They are typically 225, 336, 460, and sometimes 570 ml.[1]^”? I agree, it is dubious - it’s like someone assumed the whole world makes coffee in 8, 12, and 16oz. Also, they’re just below the “cup holding 50−100 ml” for espresso and “cup holding approximately 160 ml” for cappuccino.
dubious – discuss ↩︎
A cortado is 4 OUNCES. I even made it American.
