Hey all,

I don’t know what to do, and need some advice.

Today I received the information that my father was moved to the palliative ward. He was in the hospital since a few days.

He had lung cancer, and lost half of his lung, now the tumor is back and restricting the remaining half.

He is dying. The doctors don’t know when, and if there are days weeks or months left. Nothing to do but to make hin as comfortable and pain free as possible.

I want to visit him badly. But I am panicking already just thinking about what to say or what to do. I could call him but me, taking on the phone…, and the main issue remains, what should I say?

I am bad at social interaction, yeah. I live with that. But this situation is wo much worse I ever could imagine.

I love my dad. He is one of the most important persons in my life. Loosing him will of course be painful, but being in a situation where I can get the call every day, every minute …

I am not able to work, think, sleep or be around other people very long.

Does anybody here have some advice?

UPDATE1:

Thank you all so much for your feedback!

TLDR: I organized a visit tomorrow, and made sure i will go through.

First, i want to clarify my issue, as yesterday i was rather vague: This is not a question about “to go or not to go”. I am experiencing meltdowns on the pure thought of “what happens during the visit”. I just lock up. That is nothing rationale. I have to overcome those meltdowns - and that is why i am asking for advice.

Your feedback helped a lot during this process. While i am still not at a point, where i don’t freeze, not doing so would for sure not come to any good.

I asked my spouse to go with me tomorrow. She will make sure that i will go through. Also, i don’t have to worry about medication to much ( I get medical cannabis), as she will drive me home if needed.

Again, thank you all! And every feedback is still welcome, it really really helps!

  • 18107@aussie.zoneEnglish
    3·
    1 day ago

    When my father was diagnosed with MND, I had 5 years to decide what to do. The extra time still didn’t make the decisions any easier.

    I think the best thing you could do is just visit and spend time with him. Maybe play a board game, or solve solve a crossword and ask him for help with some of the clues. It really depends on what his strengths are, and what he enjoys doing.

    If you want really practical advice (but not helpful emotionally), a list of accounts and passwords can be really useful (electricity, water, car insurance). If he is the only one with intricate knowledge of a particular thing (Wi-Fi router setup, a half-built car engine, loans to family/friends), asking about these and getting it written/drawn can make things easier in the future.

    I know this is a rough time, and things aren’t going to get easier for a while. Keep him company if that helps, but don’t burn yourself out doing it. Your thoughts and feeling are just as valid, and there is no shame in seeking help/advice.

    • vapeloki@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      2·
      17 hours ago

      Thank you!

      When my father was diagnosed with MND, I had 5 years to decide what to do. The extra time still didn’t make the decisions any easier.

      We all knew, that this would come, for around 2 years now. I put this thought away, and ignored this fact for those 2 years.

      It really depends on what his strengths are, and what he enjoys doing.

      That may be one of my issues. What he loved to do, and we have done together, is stuff like building furniture or traveling. Ever since the first cancer diagnosis, he was not able to do that anymore. And since he needs Oxygen, he only left the house for doctor visits.

      I think he is glad, that the end is near. He told my mother, asked why is was moved to the palliative care unit, it is nothing bad, it just because he would have more peace and quiet there.

      We are both not the biggest talkers. Or silent sitters. We did not meet just for talking, and if it gets silent, we just leave, do stuff on our own.