Hey all,

I don’t know what to do, and need some advice.

Today I received the information that my father was moved to the palliative ward. He was in the hospital since a few days.

He had lung cancer, and lost half of his lung, now the tumor is back and restricting the remaining half.

He is dying. The doctors don’t know when, and if there are days weeks or months left. Nothing to do but to make hin as comfortable and pain free as possible.

I want to visit him badly. But I am panicking already just thinking about what to say or what to do. I could call him but me, taking on the phone…, and the main issue remains, what should I say?

I am bad at social interaction, yeah. I live with that. But this situation is wo much worse I ever could imagine.

I love my dad. He is one of the most important persons in my life. Loosing him will of course be painful, but being in a situation where I can get the call every day, every minute …

I am not able to work, think, sleep or be around other people very long.

Does anybody here have some advice?

UPDATE1:

Thank you all so much for your feedback!

TLDR: I organized a visit tomorrow, and made sure i will go through.

First, i want to clarify my issue, as yesterday i was rather vague: This is not a question about “to go or not to go”. I am experiencing meltdowns on the pure thought of “what happens during the visit”. I just lock up. That is nothing rationale. I have to overcome those meltdowns - and that is why i am asking for advice.

Your feedback helped a lot during this process. While i am still not at a point, where i don’t freeze, not doing so would for sure not come to any good.

I asked my spouse to go with me tomorrow. She will make sure that i will go through. Also, i don’t have to worry about medication to much ( I get medical cannabis), as she will drive me home if needed.

Again, thank you all! And every feedback is still welcome, it really really helps!

  • vapeloki@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    2·
    16 hours ago

    Thanks! I think this is the closest i can relate to currently.

    My dad and I, our relationship was “special”. At least for other people. We didn’t talk that much (besides politics), but we loved to do stuff together like building a huge model train-track in the basement, traveling, building furniture.

    We don’t do phone calls for small talk, hell we don’t do small talk. I am pretty sure he is on the spectrum too.

    And knowing - that after years of “confinement” in his own 4 walls - he is glad to know, that this will have an end not to far down the road, i am not to much worried about him.

    But not visiting him, not giving him and me the chance for some final conversations, no way.

    As mentioned in another comment, i am locking up just thinking about the possible scenarios.

    I suspect he had the same issue with interactions as me and would’ve wanted me there, but wouldn’t have been able to say it

    You brought me to this thought, and it helped. I now have at least organized that my GF will visit my dad with me tomorrow. And if she as to drive me in on a wheelbarrow…