One major difference is our genetic wiring. You’ll find that many many people with kids you meet say “I was pretty sure I didn’t want kids, but once you have them you wonder why you ever thought you wouldn’t want them.”
So the answer is yeah, if you did have kids you would probably not regret it. It’s just one of like the only 3 things we evolved to do as human beings, your body gives you really strong incentives to take care of your kids.
But if you never have kids you can also not regret it and both can be true.
I suspect a percentage of those who changed their minds just don’t want to say they regret the living breathing people they live with. Saying you wish a person was never born is pretty harsh. But saying you wish you had kids hurts no one else.
There’s also a selection bias - the parents of extremely disabled children have much less time to talk about it with us. And the parents of children who died young might not want to talk about it at all.
“Probably” is doing some heavy lifting there. My mother regretted having me, and was never shy about it. She’s the one that decided against the abortion, but somehow I was the one that ruined her life by showing up. My entire life, I’ve felt like I should kill myself and finally make my mother happy.
Yeah. I wasn’t saying people aren’t capable of not wanting kids. This was mostly as an explanation of the phenomenon of people saying they didn’t think they wanted kids until they had them.
One major difference is our genetic wiring. You’ll find that many many people with kids you meet say “I was pretty sure I didn’t want kids, but once you have them you wonder why you ever thought you wouldn’t want them.”
So the answer is yeah, if you did have kids you would probably not regret it. It’s just one of like the only 3 things we evolved to do as human beings, your body gives you really strong incentives to take care of your kids.
But if you never have kids you can also not regret it and both can be true.
I suspect a percentage of those who changed their minds just don’t want to say they regret the living breathing people they live with. Saying you wish a person was never born is pretty harsh. But saying you wish you had kids hurts no one else.
There’s also a selection bias - the parents of extremely disabled children have much less time to talk about it with us. And the parents of children who died young might not want to talk about it at all.
“Probably” is doing some heavy lifting there. My mother regretted having me, and was never shy about it. She’s the one that decided against the abortion, but somehow I was the one that ruined her life by showing up. My entire life, I’ve felt like I should kill myself and finally make my mother happy.
Parents never should blame their kids. What a poor person. It’s great you’re on this planet.
Yeah. I wasn’t saying people aren’t capable of not wanting kids. This was mostly as an explanation of the phenomenon of people saying they didn’t think they wanted kids until they had them.
Not all instincts are the same for everyone.