No one will ever care for me the way I care for them. There must be something so fundamentally repulsive about me, that people are willing to use me but the moment I try to open up I get cast aside. I dont blame them. No one wants a burden in their life. Maybe things could be different if I wasnt so ugly. But it wouldn’t really matter, because id still be broken beyond repair. I guess my father was right when he said no one would ever love me. He was right and it hurts. I already know that I will eventually kill myself. Im not sure how to write a suicide note, but if it’s bad I at least won’t have to live with it
Edit: and before anyone says the “don’t kill yourself, I care blah blah” bullshit platitudes: you do not know me. The person you are saying that to is some imaginary person you just made up in your head. A person who is “good enough” and “able to be loved”, and whatever other nonsense you thought of. But I am not that person. You wouldn’t know that, though. Because you do not know me.
Yeah I mean real life just isn’t a movie where the protagonist’s friends emerge from the woodwork and emphatically rally around them in the third act to lift them through their troubles. In real life, everyone is born alone, dies alone, and is alone for all of their own misery. You are lucky if you can find even a group of people who can passively tolerate you at your best, but expecting a miracle of emotional intelligence at your lowest is setting yourself up for disappointment.
Someone gets it 🫂 sometimes I wish I could’ve lived through a life that didnt make me feel like a constant burden and annoyance to everyone around me. But I wouldn’t really deserve that. Trying to accept that I will never be cared for, as I crave that very same care. Being deeply social, while knowing I’ll never be able to experience it the way other people can.
Anyway here’s a cat going bleh
Have you at least tried drinking too much?
Alcohol tastes like shit lol
You just gotta stick with it