No one will ever care for me the way I care for them. There must be something so fundamentally repulsive about me, that people are willing to use me but the moment I try to open up I get cast aside. I dont blame them. No one wants a burden in their life. Maybe things could be different if I wasnt so ugly. But it wouldn’t really matter, because id still be broken beyond repair. I guess my father was right when he said no one would ever love me. He was right and it hurts. I already know that I will eventually kill myself. Im not sure how to write a suicide note, but if it’s bad I at least won’t have to live with it

Edit: and before anyone says the “don’t kill yourself, I care blah blah” bullshit platitudes: you do not know me. The person you are saying that to is some imaginary person you just made up in your head. A person who is “good enough” and “able to be loved”, and whatever other nonsense you thought of. But I am not that person. You wouldn’t know that, though. Because you do not know me.

  • deifyed@lemmy.wtf
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    9 days ago

    I get that the bad is immeasurable, but isn’t good also immeasurable? How do you count the good?

    Also; why do you try to be a good person? As in what is your motivation for trying to be a good person

    • bellly@sopuli.xyzOP
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      9 days ago

      The good is measured in the things I do, the bad in me being. I always am, so Im always inadvertently doing bad. Yes I know this sounds stupid.

      I believe that suffering should be reduced as much as possible. So if I can, I try to make other people’s lives at least a little bit better, even if its just for a moment.

      • deifyed@lemmy.wtf
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        9 days ago

        I believe that suffering should be reduced as much as possible. So if I can, I try to make other people’s lives at least a little bit better, even if its just for a moment

        This is something only a good person would say