He added that he is sure if he was told there was evidence a journalist or agent had blagged information, he would “have been pretty furious”.

I’m sure he would be furious. Evidence is the last thing that they want.

The only preposterous thing in this enquiry is the fact that it took so long to get to this point.

“Dacre admitted wanting to clear his name, but also said he cared about the “honest and dedicated” staff at the paper.”

Honest staff at the Daily Mail? Must mean the office cleaners.

“utterly refutes” the “preposterous” allegations of unlawful newsgathering at the paper.

Let me put this into my conservative translator and see what we get…

Boop…

Bleep, boop beep…

Wrrrrrrrrh, Chicka Chika, wong.

Ding!

“I confess the allegations are all true, but in all fairness it’s much worse than you know and I really hope you don’t go looking too hard because I’m afraid of what you’ll find.”