I cook at home because of restaurant prices and tip culture. Driving everywhere sucks. Everything feels miles away so good luck walking.
Hobbies. Groups. Bars/clubs. Anything that fosters community. Find somewhere that cultivates a shared interest and engage with others, they aren’t necessarily going to come to you
Hobbies. I struggled with this after college also because I left the church and my old social life had dried up. I was conditioned to just show up and my friends would be there and the nonreligious outside world doesn’t always work that way.
I would join a club or a group, preferably one with an even gender split or even a skew towards whoever you’re interested in dating. I found dancing in 2006. I never would have expected to get into it and probably spent most of the 90s calling it “gay”. I was tricked into going by a friend who said we were going bowling. I trusted her and she drove, so I had no escape. Many dances are “social” dances which means anyone can ask anyone to dance and you aren’t expected to bring a partner, most people don’t. I kept doing it and eventually started going without my friends. 20 years later, I have been in charge of running dances, I’ve been on the committee of large events, I’ve made some money teaching lessons, but most importantly of all, I’ve collected a circle of awesome supportive people, some acquaintances, some friends, and a handful that I’ve dated. Don’t go in with the intention of dating though because it counter intuitively guarantees you won’t find a date. Instead, just have fun. Ask the people who aren’t getting asked to dance, make friends, enjoy the music, etc. People notice when someone is capable of having fun on their own and they want to be a part of that. They appreciate someone who will dance with the sweet little old lady who shows up every week and not just the 10/10 blonde with the double D’s. My goal was always to dance with every woman in the room once, then go back for seconds with the people I most enjoyed dancing with. It can cost a few bucks to get in, but almost all of them will let you in free if you volunteer for a half hour to collect admissions or help set up/ tear down. It’s harder for guys (if you dance the lead role) to get started, but don’t be discouraged because we’re outnumbered and always in demand.
Biking is another good activity to meet people. You can join a club in many cities for a few bucks and they’ll basically send upcoming rides to your inbox all year round. If you’re not exercise inclined, there are also PEV (personal electric vehicle) rides in many cities that give you all of the fun and exploration with only a fraction of the workout.
Other good ideas: Frisbee golf league, ultimate Frisbee, hot springing (hot spring hippies are cool and very welcoming), poetry slams, board game parlours (these seem to be popping up everywhere) etc.
I’ve been wondering that too. There are always co-workers but none I really connect to. Lots of parents but now that kids are grown there’s nothing in common.
Now I’ve really gotten into cooking but my kids are in college and I have no one to cook for. I have a smoker that can ditn30+ pounds of meat or 6 racks of ribs. Who’s hungry?
Find local polyamorous meet ups. They’re usually down for new “members”. You’ll have a new friend group for a while with the opportunity to bang several people. And usually there are any number of breakups so you can be a shoulder to cry on, etc. Seems like a lot in retrospect.
Desperate time calls desperate measure.
Username checks out.
Shared hobbies are your best bet. Either find a way to make your existing hobbies social, or get a new hobby you can do with people.
You can also try events at your local bars or meeting people at work, but both of those have serious drawbacks.
And if you are looking for people to date, the vast majority of options you have these days are online. You can try hooking up with strangers at a bar or meeting someone while engaging in a social activity, but statistically a tiny percentage of couple meet that way these days.
Don’t bother. Most people suck anyway.
Meeting people is the easy part. Do this at:
Work Hobbies and Organised Activities Church or other Spiritual Communities Online, both locally and long-distance.
Though after meeting people, phase two is the most difficult: actually convincing people to hang out and do stuff.
Then phase three is actually creating and maintaining the friendship, lol.
These all become exponentially harder if you need complete ideological purity from your friends and romantic partners.
If you are looking for ideological purity, step zero is therapy.
Fuck if I know. I volunteer. I joined a community choir. I am mildly social at the coffee shop. There’s a local bar/restaurant with picnic table seating and the culture is you can talk with anyone you are seated by as long as you’re civil. People still go to churches. There’s PTAs and stuff for your kids. Just a few ideas.
good question, it’s not been going well for me
The internet and being willing to move cross country
Meet people: hobby or spiritual community are the two big ones most people meet a partner at. Look up cheap hobbies in particular something like a walking club.
Cheap places to take a girl:
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fish around in conversations for her favorite food. Pick the prettiest spot within walking distance. Pick somewhere out of the way but visible to passerby like the edge of a park. Check the calendar for favorable weather. Bring a blanket, that favorite food, and anything needed to make the environment comfy like an umbrella.
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if it’s just not the time of year for favorable weather book a library or community center presentation room and in addition to food fish around in convos for a favorite movie. Still bring a large blanket and push the tables and wheely chairs out of the way.
Any partner who finds effort over cash undesirable is just not a good fit for your life right now.
Coming off as TOO effortful will also count against you. Normal people don’t go all out for someone they just met or are just starting to meet.
These are good second date ideas. Might want to keep it simple at first.
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Sell the car. Move into a tiny 3br apartment with roommates in a walkable city.
Date your roommate’s friends. They’ll date yours.
Change roommates occasionally.
Imagine finding the perfect partner, getting married, moving in together etc.
Now that you’re married and that’s all settled, where do the two of you go for fun? Where do the two of you go to get out of the house?
Go there.
That’s when people stop going outside and having friends. are you nuts
Upon closer reading, I think the key was imagining what you’d do with a future partner. No one imagines how much nothing they’re really gonna do nowhere
Shit fuck i don’t go anywhere with my wife. I’m gonna suck at dating
You simply don’t—you die alone.
Enjoy. 👌
Yeah all these people with their silly ideas. On these types of threads the top comment always says “hobbies.” Who has hobbies as a working adult? You work eight hours a day at the minimum and spend another two hours commuting. Weekends give you time to do your laundry and scramble to get everything else done. Who has time for hobbies?
Lots of people do. Do you not? Would you like help brainstorming some? Even small, individual hobbies, for when you have no energy or motivation, are highly valuable for a person’s mental landscape.
Don’t give him hope. You can alone for years, decades even while death laughs and refuses to do it’s damn job.
“Sorry, you’re too lonely to take. I’ll getcha the moment you find a modicum of happiness with another human being, I promise. I got you boo!”
Always gonna plug disc sports when threads like this pop up. Ultimate Frisbee is fun and if you live in even a minor city there’s usually a rec league to join. Has the best culture of any sport IMO, full of the chilliest most accepting people who are always looking for more people to join and with rec leagues people will sometimes go out to the bar after to hang out.
Disc golf is also great for meeting people if you’re not as into cardio. Can join tournaments and they’ll usually pair you up with people. Or just go solo to the course and occasionally someone else will offer to let you join their round or if you’re waiting with another solo at a hole you can offer to let them join you.
Both are also very cheap activities, Frisbee you just need cleats and to pay ~$50 for a rec league season. Disc golf is basically free once you get discs.
yeah but not everyone likes sports or the cultures around them.
when i was younger i did some frisbee but i wasn’t down with the alcoholism associated with it. i liked drinking, but i didn’t want to go out to a bar and get shitfaced after every event.
I suppose thats the point of recommendations, they aren’t telling you you have to get into sports.
You don’t need to get shitfaced at a bar. 1 drink per hour is under the legal limit for driving. I find it’s enough to loosen up and if you politely decline further drinks nobody will bother you. And if they’re pushy order a sprite with a twist on the rocks. So it looks like you’re drinking alcohol but really you’re staying sober
Yeah, you do. If you want to be part of the group. Otherwise you are ‘weird’ and they don’t like you.
That’s why I left. I was sick of being told I was ‘weird’ for not being a low grade alcoholic. Or the ‘you are no fun’ ‘why are you so uptight’ etc.
You act like all people are reasonable and respectful and wonderful. They often aren’t. A lot of people cannot respect someone who doesn’t drink, or who doesn’t get drunk. I drink, but I don’t get drunk. People who like to get drunk don’t like people who like being sober, because they are different than them and they see that as a threat.
It doesn’t even have to be about alcohol. Another reason I hated these groups is the gossip and drama. I don’t like talking shit about other people behind their back, and that is happened almost every time after a game or practice. Other people think that is fun and it’s the point of socializing for them to gossip and cause drama.
This is my problem with meeting people, only I don’t like to drink (or smoke for that matter). The smell drives me insane so I don’t even like being around people who do it unless I’m getting paid for it.
Yeah it makes it difficult. I used to smoke and honestly it was much easier to meet people that way. Also binge drinking. Everyone is your friend when you have had 12 drinks in a single night.
It’s much easier to socialize when you engage in negative behaviors.
This is my problem with meeting people, only I don’t like to drink (or smoke for that matter). The smell drives me insane so I don’t even like being around people who do it unless I’m getting paid for it.
