I just feel so fucking alone. I’m struggling to get the help I need and I am broke and it makes me feel like such a loser. I struggle with getting attention from women anyway.
I’m just an average tech nerd with chronic myeloid leukemia who spends his time on dumb little tech projects. I have been too depressed lately to find joy in things I used to like watching movies/tv, playing video games, and reading books. I can stay focused on rolling out servers and scripts to pass the time but it doesn’t bring me joy anymore.
I know this isn’t what anyone wants to hear, but it’s real. I’m broken. I need real loving support for the first time in my life, which I have never had. I need someone to hold me and tell me it’s all going to be okay even if we both know it’s not.
I swear I’m an interesting person with a wide variety of interests and thoughtful things to say. I have just been crying all day after having one more avenue of potential help shut in my face because my life isn’t fucked up enough yet to justify helping me.
Sorry, I know no one wants to deal with someone like this I don’t know why I’m posting except desperation to be seen, heard, and loved.
For disability, try to find a disability lawyer if you can. I don’t know if they have them in Maine, but here in Washington there’s a lot of lawyers who specialize in helping you sign up for disability and representing you in court. They don’t ask for pay up front, instead when you finally get paid out from disability, you will get a lump sum backpayment back to when you first applied. They will usually make an agreement with you to take a portion of that as their payment. My agreement is for 25% of the backpayments, which I feel is pretty reasonable for legal representation, especially when it adds up to being a lot cheaper than a standard lawyer fee. I strongly suggest researching those lawyers, ask around, find which ones get results and have the most success getting their clients declared legally disabled, and then go have a consultation with them.
I am hoping I can get mine through before I lose my medicaid, just crossing my fingers on that though.