No matter what, I cannot seem to adhere to unwritten rules for things. Everything has to be laid out step-by-step and clearly for me like I’m a robot or something. I hate it. I sometimes can’t process language of any kind, not even my own native English to the point where people think I’m a second language speaker.
I can’t fit in to any social media, it feels like, except my own communities. I got banned from Reddit once before making a new account and they didn’t even tell me why, I just didn’t stick to their rules and I don’t know exactly the threshold or what the unwritten rules are unless I’m given that super clearly.
I feel like a dumb, beat-up dog. I always have felt that way.
I never fit in at school either. When I talk and try to make friends, I should “mind my own business” and I’m too loud and talkative. When I don’t talk at all, I don’t get bullied but no one notices me and I’d rather have negative attention than no attention.
People say that I think it’s all about me, and whenever I try to find an outlet to express myself, I get called an attention-seeker by people. My therapist says I’m not a narcissist just because I want an outlet and attention, but other people would beg to differ.
Luckily, my friends are all neurodivergent as are my boyfriend and girlfriend who love me. My family doesn’t have views I agree with, but they love me too.
I only seem to fit in on my own communities I make, such as my Learn Norwegian community and my Small talk one in Norwegian (Småprat)
In places and with people you are familiar, you shouldn’t change what you’re doing because they like you for who you are.
In other conversational situations where you’re not familiar and you don’t know how to engage without being thought selfish or something like that, try the L.E.A.P. method. I find it especially useful for political arguments.
Listen. Empathize. Agree. Partner.
https://spotlightonmentalhealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/The-LEAP-overview.pdf
Even if you have your own idea in your head you want to say out loud, first listen to the other person, and empathize with their feelings. I know it’s difficult with your auditory processing challenges you have, but you can practice by taking a response a little slower and with a little more time. When people feel they are heard, they are more willing to listen to your feelings. Then Agree is for controversial topics or disagreements you have. It means to find the part where your thought or opinion aligns with theirs, no matter how small. Then Partner is either how you set a workable position between you and the other person, or this is where you can talk about your thought or opinion and how it relates to the main conversation topic.
For Example, Someone says: “My brother got bitten by a dog the other day.”
You are thinking: “I was chased by a dog when I was little, that was scary.” But before you go directly to saying that, preface it with…
Listen & Empathize: “I’m sorry to hear that, I hope he is doing okay.” After that you can talk about your relevant experience.