No matter what, I cannot seem to adhere to unwritten rules for things. Everything has to be laid out step-by-step and clearly for me like I’m a robot or something. I hate it. I sometimes can’t process language of any kind, not even my own native English to the point where people think I’m a second language speaker.
I can’t fit in to any social media, it feels like, except my own communities. I got banned from Reddit once before making a new account and they didn’t even tell me why, I just didn’t stick to their rules and I don’t know exactly the threshold or what the unwritten rules are unless I’m given that super clearly.
I feel like a dumb, beat-up dog. I always have felt that way.
I never fit in at school either. When I talk and try to make friends, I should “mind my own business” and I’m too loud and talkative. When I don’t talk at all, I don’t get bullied but no one notices me and I’d rather have negative attention than no attention.
People say that I think it’s all about me, and whenever I try to find an outlet to express myself, I get called an attention-seeker by people. My therapist says I’m not a narcissist just because I want an outlet and attention, but other people would beg to differ.
Luckily, my friends are all neurodivergent as are my boyfriend and girlfriend who love me. My family doesn’t have views I agree with, but they love me too.
I only seem to fit in on my own communities I make, such as my Learn Norwegian community and my Small talk one in Norwegian (Småprat)
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In places and with people you are familiar, you shouldn’t change what you’re doing because they like you for who you are.
In other conversational situations where you’re not familiar and you don’t know how to engage without being thought selfish or something like that, try the L.E.A.P. method. I find it especially useful for political arguments.
Listen. Empathize. Agree. Partner.
https://spotlightonmentalhealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/The-LEAP-overview.pdf
Even if you have your own idea in your head you want to say out loud, first listen to the other person, and empathize with their feelings. I know it’s difficult with your auditory processing challenges you have, but you can practice by taking a response a little slower and with a little more time. When people feel they are heard, they are more willing to listen to your feelings. Then Agree is for controversial topics or disagreements you have. It means to find the part where your thought or opinion aligns with theirs, no matter how small. Then Partner is either how you set a workable position between you and the other person, or this is where you can talk about your thought or opinion and how it relates to the main conversation topic.
For Example, Someone says: “My brother got bitten by a dog the other day.”
You are thinking: “I was chased by a dog when I was little, that was scary.” But before you go directly to saying that, preface it with…
Listen & Empathize: “I’m sorry to hear that, I hope he is doing okay.” After that you can talk about your relevant experience.
Are you autistic? It can make it difficult to fit in if you’re not registering social archetypes or performing them in ways that help people “get” you in a glance. Sucks but generally people tend to decide how they feel about a person within 30 seconds of meeting them, usually shorter.
Also, the only thing I’ve learned about Nordic culture is it can be kind of easy to be seen as self centered. Like apparently you generally don’t bring up money or finances casually because it implies things. You know, just little rules that must be easy to trip over. But being an attention-seeker there seems like one of the more transgressive kinds of ways to be perceived. You might be signaling something on accident.
Thanks. It’s cuz I talk about myself so much when I want an outlet for my emotions. And yep, I am autistic
That’ll do it. I hear they process a lot of emotions in complete silence, that would be kind of hard energy to try to match.
I’ll sub to your com though 👍 I’m learning Norge on the side of another language and it could help my dad and I practice
Whoa tusen takk! Norsk er et vakkert språk!!!
Vaer så snill! 😀(I haven’t learned språk yet)
It means “language” :D
Oh, by the way, I’m talking about Americans who treat me so badly
OH! That really changes things. Americans are the most self centered people I know and usually become easily enamored with people who only talk about themselves. But we’re also pretty awful to autistic people. Yeah you might not even be breaking any social rules. I’m sorry, dude. Run, if you can
Thank you so much :) I try to be the best I can and I want to move to another country but I’m stuck with family and no job and they want me to stay in the USA
Just continue to be yourself and do things you like eventually you will find your “tribe”
Thank you :)
Polycule? Also I would put way more weight on the words of a trained therapist than I would people who only seek to hurt you.
yep! and thank you :)
