My friend (let’s call him Liam) doesn’t want to hear about people being hurt or murdered. I’m trying to figure out why being told about this boundary hurts. I see my therapist on Monday, for my regularly scheduled session. So, this is me thinking out loud and trying to process my feelings. It’s 2 am here on the East Coast, please pardon my insomniac rambling.

My friend now lives outside the US, but grew up here. We were college roommates.

• Maybe I’m jealous that he is comfortable enough that he doesn’t have to work, can travel, and has socialized medicine. He hasn’t fought with his health insurance to pay for needed procedures.

• Maybe I’m upset that his boundary means I can’t share large swatches of my life with him. I can’t talk with Liam about my health insurance issues because that’s too close to violence for me to feel confident I’m not overstepping. I can’t talk about my dad because my dad died through my mom’s actions. I can’t talk about politics because American politics today seems to be about hurting people you don’t like. I can’t talk about my worries for the future.

• Maybe I’m upset because his boundary is so broad and vague but also clear enough that I can’t ask him for clarification about it without violating it. Is social murder murder to him? I dunno!

• Maybe I’m upset because it’s almost the 4-year anniversary of my dad’s death and it’s easier to be upset at my friend’s confusing boundary than it is to confront the fact my dad’s still dead. TBH, this feels pretty solid, based on the amount of tears I’m producing. Circling back, I sure would like to be able to talk with Liam about this, but nope.