You must log in or register to comment.
This is absolutely a major contributing factor, but there’s more to it than this. Everybody is lonely, pretty much regardless of gender. This issue hurts everyone.
And it is also caused in part because of how fucked up we’ve designed our society. It’s nearly impossible to make friends as an adult because
- we’re all working too much to have the free time for it
- there are (effectively) no third places where you can hang out with the expectation to meet people without the expectation of spending money
- to get anywhere you generally need a car, highways and roads divide and spread everything which makes walking or biking difficult
- social media is run for profit, not for the sake of actually connecting people
- these above issues feed into the issue OP is pointing out. If you are lonely and your life isn’t going too well, then you’re gonna seek answers for this complicated issue. And fascists are all too willing to take advantage and provide simple answers. It then turns into a self feeding cycle.
I’m sure there’s a bunch of other reasons too, but those are the ones of the top of my sleep deprived head. Even if all the above awful values men have disappeared, the above problems would still need to be fixed.
There are loads of area’s where you can get around without a car, which increases area’s to be outside and meet others.
For a lot of people including me it is a choice to use the car as much as we do.
Very, very dependent on where you are. You’re on feddit.nl so I’ll assume you live in the Nederlands. For… Most of the US, going without a car is either not really doable or you will absolutely miss out on going lots of places.
Really wish that wasn’t the case but alas.
If more people go with bike and/or walk you would have more infrastructure for it. Also keep annoying your local representatives.
Where there is a will there is a way.
Even in the US there are places that are inaccessible by car as far as I know. Then again some people in the US also have the BS abuse that wide bike lanes make it harder for fire trucks etc to get around ….
Oh we try but it’s a very uphill battle. Not to mention we have the loudest car brains all shrieking that “it isn’t used!” when talking about the 2 bike lanes in a city, as if they were even connected or went anywhere people needed to go (and they are still used by yours truly and others anyhow).
It’s not really a surprise when people don’t use it when they have to brave 40+mph car traffic to get to the bike lane right?
I keep contacting my reps but I’ve come to the conclusion that meaningful transit and Europe-like bike infra will just never happen in my lifetime. Sad but maybe generations after me will have it.
- we’re all working too much to have the free time for it
- there are (effectively) no third places where you can hang out with the expectation to meet people without the expectation of spending money
- to get anywhere you generally need a car, highways and roads divide and spread everything which makes walking or biking difficult
- social media is run for profit, not for the sake of actually connecting people
- these above issues feed into the issue OP is pointing out. If you are lonely and your life isn’t going too well, then you’re gonna seek answers for this complicated issue. And fascists are all too willing to take advantage and provide simple answers. It then turns into a self feeding cycle.
In other words:
- Capitalism
- Capitalism
- Capitalism
- Surprise, it’s also capitalism
- Don’t worry, capitalism has just the solution for you!
Yup, that’s exactly it. But where would we be without the myriad of problems capitalism causes?
Also to add to the list:
-
As third-places don’t exist without paying for things, more socialisation has moved online where intimate connections are not as deep as inperson so the connections are weaker and don’t last as long.
-
Internet socialising has a tendency to form echo chambers and social bubbles so interacting with new people with different perspectives, even online, is more difficult which is eroding socialising skills.
-
Dating sites and apps have capitalized on this loss of places to meet people and most of these platforms are controlled by a single entity: Match Group.
-
Match Group are explicitly making the dating experience worse for both men and women because it makes more money for them and they have little to no competition.
It goes like this: women get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of messages and harassed on the platform, women leave those platforms, fewer % of women on the platform, men then pay money to get more potential matches, women get overwhelmed, and therefore the cycle repeats.
At least that’s my impression from the experience I have had and observed when asking my women friends about it. Not sure how the experience is for those looking for non-hetrosexual relationships, please comment below how it’s similar or different for other groups.
If that were true then the number one dating app would be Bumble because it only lets the women message. I don’t think anyone is being “overwhelmed” by the amount of messages they receive. No one I’ve spoken to has ever said anything like that.
-
Ding ding ding ding.
On the bright side ive had time to use dumbbells between meetings and I’ve never looked better?
I’m curious if women do have as much of a problem finding a date, and why the heck don’t they find the men with issues finding a date?
Because they need to sort through an unsortably large quantity of matches if using an online service, and women generally need to be reserved in public for their safety when offline.
I have never bothered with online dating ever. I just think of what an awful thing it is.
I dipped my toes. It was pretty terrible. Luckily I was able to find a partner elsewhere.
Not really dating atm anyway. Just trying kinky stuff in Lemmy NSFW to make up for years of being AeroAce. I’m absurdly skittish, and I don’t know if there’s much hope for me.
Best of luck o7
not to be sapphic but that type is women
The fascists go for a predatory numbers game, hitting up as many women as possible while hoping they find ones vulnerable enough to get roped into an abusive relationship. It’s a strategy that breaks down against women who socially reinforce self respect amongst each other. Of course, this isn’t unique, as fascism similarly recruits vulnerable men who struggle with self respect. It’s abuse and cruelty all the way down.
There are plenty of women in far right/neo-fascist etc. groups, and often people from those groups have relationships with other people from those groups. Your comment gives very much the impression that only males are fascists, which is absolutely not my experience dealing with Forza Nuova/Casapound people (both neo-fascists parties) in my youth.
I also see the male loneliness epidemic as an orthogonal problem to males being fascists, but that’s yet another topic.
There are plenty of women in far right/neo-fascist etc. groups
There are plenty of the populist Mango Mussolini type fascist women, but AFAIK there are far fewer in the out and proud neo-nazi groups. There’s this interview from this guy who was a neo-nazi until the mid-90s, and he talks about how the complaints from the incels now are the same as back when he was in. There were women in the group, but at a ratio of 7 or 8 to 1.
Yes, I am quite sure that in most countries the distribution of women/men within those groups are not equal and unbalanced towards men.
That said, being a member of the actual group doesn’t mean not being in those people social groups, accepting or even sharing some of their ideas etc.
I am actually going to be reentering the dating game after a little over 10 years. I sometimes wonder 'am i still attractive ’ but then I remember this…
I’m discovering that it isn’t really “am I attractive?” It’s " I feel attractive."
Like I’m down 100lbs, been pumping my protein and weights, and I got muscle definition where I’ve never noticed muscle definition before.
Clothes that fit, glasses I feel comfortable in. I don’t really want to “date” because I’m so much happier with impressing myself than trying to impress someone else.
So. Counterpoint to this, in that I think those guys should just keep doing what they’re doing.
The bar is so low all I need to do is show up on a date and not say anything racist and I’m in.
In fact: y’all should go even harder with the douchebaggery.
Agreed, I’m currently living in Trumpistan and all it takes is putting a filter on the dating apps to get interest
Step 1 and Step 2 are real, they just aren’t as shallow as the lonely dudes think they are.
There’s actual science on this that says women will get turned on by pretty much anything as long as they feel safe.
So like. The barest amount of cognizance of the objective danger women face, like, constantly, and a respectful effort to show by example that you’re not part of it (which doesn’t mean saying it, like: first off I swear I’m not going to rape you isn’t going to make anyone swoon) and you’re in.
I wish more people understood that the enemy way to make people think you’re a good person is to just be a good fucking person.
Well, I’ve been a filthy commie since middle school and I still have no bitches. How do you explain that?
It depends heavily on what kind of commie you are actually.
-
If you’re an ultra, you’re likely too busy shitting on other communists from the comfort of the armchair to look for a relationship
-
If you’re a ML or Maoist, you probably don’t want a relationship to spend more time “reading theory” (watching youtube slop)
-
If you’re a Trotskyite, you’re likely already in a sex offender registry
-
If you’re a Bordigist, you’re playing hard mode when it comes to getting a relationship as you refuse to be a usufructuary traitor to the health of the species (you avoid drinking and smoking and all like the plague)
-
If you’re a revolutionary Marxist who has read theory, then you’ll drive people away with your revolutionary aura
-
If you’re a Marxist who hasn’t read theory, then you’re a liberal who shouldn’t have any problems finding a relationship
And if you’re a leftist on Lemmy, you probably like femboys instead.
Porque no los dos
-
Maybe it’s time to try not calling us bitches?
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/no-bitches
I was quoting memes, but sure! Assume every man using the word “bitch” is secretly a misogynist fascist and they actually deserve it!
And people wonder why communism has such a low following among cis straight white males.
You’re not helping your case here
… you want to put that shovel down, or keep digging?
No one is wondering where cis men are. Either they show up at the potluck and pitch in, or not.
Yes, I have overreacted.
I’ll go touch grass.
Have a good day
I hope your grass visit is really nice. We’ll still be here when you get back, and out at the potlucks if you come around.
The meme didn’t say “be a filthy commie;” the meme said “punch Nazis.” Less theory, more praxis.
What if this one nazi-puncher is gay? /s
Gogo nazi-puncher, also kick them too!
Instructions unclear, turned into an insufferable Marxist and now I don’t have anyone to talk to
I’m lonely, I wonder what’s wrong with me
You must learn to love yourself before wanting to get loved.
It’s hard while being blamed for being lonely
I am a moderately liberal guy, and I cannot get any girls. I’m shorter than average and socially awkward. I’ve managed to get a few dates from dating apps but none of them went anywhere because I’m so awkward in person.
Besides the stupidity of this post, you guys do realize that male loneliness is, in part, just how we organize as primates, right?
Fascism is a desiccant more powerful than silica gel.
Please, don’t be dismissive of a real problem just because people you (rightfully) hate are disproportionately more affected.
The “real problem” is that young people broadly have rejected challenging themselves AT ALL, about anything, and as a result have lost many skills we used to nurture growing up, like how to socialize and be liked by others and how to be charming and make others feel good.
Our real problem is a gnawing emptiness that people keep trying to satiate with online discourse and safe-spaces and discord servers where you can kick out and ban anyone who doesn’t align with your values.
As a result, young girls and boys alike are more lonely than ever, but it’s hitting men especially hard because they’re less able to fill that gap with close friendships and cuddling a best friend on the couch in a non-sexual way.
And as a result, they get pushed towards right-wing messaging, which makes others drive them away further, and society is just fucking CURDLING all over, and the more we bicker about it on the internet, the worse it gets.
The ‘real problem’ you’re referencing is that hateful young men are having trouble finding young women who share their values?
The obvious solution is for those men to reassess their values. If they can’t do that, then they deserve to be alone.
I’ve noticed that there are a surprising number of hateful or broken young women that these dudes are not that lonely.
The loneliness epidemic is a real thing. Refusing to acknowledge it helps nobody.
We can acknowledge it, sure, but that doesn’t solve it. What is your solution? Force young women to marry men they don’t love or respect?
The real solution is far simpler: let these hateful men remain lonely until they are desperate enough to affect a change in themselves.
What if, hear me out because it might be a crazy thought, it’s not just the hateful men that are affected? You think nazis are the only ones experiencing male loneliness?
That’s literally the context of this post. The picture implies that women prefer men who punch Nazis over the 5 symbols used by men who typically support fascism.
No, this post implies that “male loneliness” is a thing only because most men are “douches”. And that’s just a blatant misrepresentation of reality which requires a deep misandry to believe even for a second.
Plus, it implies that loneliness is just a matter of having a partner. While this is definitely an important aspect, loneliness is general intended (in the surveys etc.) as being literally alone a large percentage of time, including not having friends or acquaintances.
Unfortunately there are a lot of similarly awful women, especially in more rural and suburban areas.
True. Never forget that conservative women exist and they can be highly unpleasant.
And that some of them end up being elected to congress
Southern confederate states and rural states love white christianity more than their country.
But you have no meme for that, so how can we believe you?
Don’t date them either!
Eh, I wouldn’t say so. I think it’s mainly because men are pushed to be more tough and much less expressive of emotions, which, for one, pushes them down those horrible alt right pipelines, but also makes it hard for them to feel intimacy and make meaningful relationships much harder.
I believe that gender norms incredibly hurt both men and women.
Damn right they do. Toxic masculinity means I can’t publicly express myself without this look:
Edit: down votes. See what I mean? Fascism thrives off toxic masculinity. The Nazi beliefs were that a man’s role was to make children to propagate the “correct” genes, and die in war. It’s a chicken and the egg problem, and we can’t address one without addressing the other.
