If anything were possible, I have always liked AE van Vogt’s fictional weaponry:
In “The Weapon Shops of Isher”, the defensive weapons sold by the shops are advanced ray guns with integrated force fields, making them highly effective against government and criminal threats. These weapons ensure citizens can defend themselves against tyranny and oppression while upholding a policy of non-aggression, aiming to foster a more just government over time.
The weapons can somehow be used to defend but not be used in an act of aggression. And the force field protects the bearer.
A fun read if you are into golden age science fiction.
An orbital cannon for 1 lb kinetic impactors. You’d probably want them to be in low earth orbit so they can strike quickly. This would of course require a constellation of satellite cannon systems, probably 2000 or so would be sufficient. Also, you’d want to be standing back from your target, probably 20 feet would be safe. Probably.
Also, they’ll have mixed results indoors, either putting holes through every floor above you or not quite reaching the target if you were at the base of a skyscraper. Probably not awesome for the skyscraper either…
Maybe someday everyone could have one of these for personal defense.
The best defense is avoidance. To that end, a personal time-travel / prognostication device that could both predict danger and chronoport you back to before danger was imminent would be the ultimate defense, though suppose not strictly a “weapon”.
A halberd, comparatively easy to use, long range and quite versatile.
Omnidirectional body mounted claymore mine.
Just watch your hands.
A gun that shoots tiny missiles that aim at the attackers butthole and once they hit they release a jet of freezing water up their butt.
The first time I ever tried a bidet was right after I installed my own. It was one of those bidets that attaches under the toilet seat. It took me a little while to actually attach it, because my toilet had a really weird connection point and was in the world’s smallest bathroom. But after some struggling (and a lot of swearing) I managed to get it done.
I plopped down on that thing like it was a porcelain throne, and I was its rightful king. I had been holding it for a while, (due to the aforementioned struggling to attach the bidet to the damned toilet), so the groundhog was already peeking out to look for his shadow by the time I got it attached.
After doing my business, I confidently grabbed the dial, and cranked that motherfucker up to 11. Up to that point, I believed I was a king… But I sat on a throne of sins. I believed I would simply be greeted with a cool shower. Like Icarus with his wax wings, I was full of hubris. I had flown too close to the sun, and was hurtling towards Poseidon’s icy depths. You’ve heard of Poseidon’s Kiss, where that little droplet of water splashes up and touches your butthole after you pinch one off? Poseidon got all the way to fifth base, in about a quarter of a second… And he didn’t use lube. It instantly blew water so far up my ass I could have brushed my teeth.
But that’s not all. In my shock, my hand slipped off of the control knob. By the time I managed to find it and turn it back off, I had received what felt like a peppermint colonic. And you know what’s even worse than getting your guts rearranged by an icy fire hose? Feeling it come back out afterwards, and it still being cold. My dear reader, I implore you to take a lesson from my mistake… After installing a bidet, check the water pressure before you use it. It turns out, mine had enough pressure to spray all the way out of the bathroom door, and hit the wall on the opposite side of the bedroom. I had dialed that bitch all the way up to 11, when I only needed like a 2.5…
All of this to say… I can sympathize.
Sounds like a great way to prepare for anal
Thank you for your wise words, stranger. This cautionary tale will live on in my memory
Magical aura that reads intentions and zaps people. Diablo 2 paladin auras essentially.😺
Balls that orbit around you (think magneto of x-men)
a finger on the monkeys paw curls
Im steering clear
I’ve read somewhere and I’m not sure if it’s true that there is a device that can be inserted inside the vagina which will essentially bite the rapist’s penis and the only way to remove it without destroying the penis is via surgery.
I believe it’s called Rapex.
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Opposite of the movie Wedlock
maybe like a rapid mandatory communication field that makes talking it out feasible in all instances
Something that makes me disappear instantly and teleports me to the pub down the street. Cold beer is better than hot fight.
What if it’s a bar fight
Probably some kind of autonomous thingy. Like, a drone with a Taser or some shit.
Foot held point shoot thing
Some sort of impenetrable energy barrier or whatever that would absorb/reflect whatever fast kinetic blow/projectile would be ideal, IMO. I’d rather have the absorb version so I could just berate them for being violent instead of just getting killed by a bouncing bullet, lol.
