Bonus points: if that place/activity is friendly for disabled people with limited mobility.
as one with limited mobility, i have made friends at the local, extremely small, music venue. tickets at the door are $20, beer is cheap, and everyone is super friendly.
because its a small place, the owner lets me take a chair with me when i am going to one of the stages that has no seating (i use a cane; its hard to stand for long periods). i usually sit next to the merch tables, and the friends of the bands usually strike up conversation.
this is a suuuuuper small place. it has 2-3 stages (depending on the night), but they are really close together, so only one band at a time can play (two stages are outside because the building is so small). even if its not music, go to really small local places that get decent crowds - they are a lot more personable.
Related, many small(-ish) bars have a stage for live music on Friday/Saturday. There may not be enough seating for those nights, and there’s little/no standing room, so people randomly share tables. From there, you strike up conversation with other fans.
Find the small places where they advertise the bands by name, and make sure they aren’t just cover bands. Irish pubs have been lucky for me, but there’s another place near me that regularly has jam bands.
That’s interesting how do you get to know people? Doesn’t the music make it hard to hear people? I feel like in that scenario i would go listen to music and have a good time but would still be alone in a crowd.
usually a band plays for ~30-45m - enjoying music time - and ~15m-1h (depending on the setup for that night) of downtime for chatting.
Oh that’s cool i guess i didn’t think of it as live music only. I was picturing a place where they blast a DJ or playlist way to loud between bands playing.
You are in Dallas? The main redeeming quality of Texas is the music. I wholeheartedly agree with this suggestion.
Also going out to the same places at the same time can pay off, you will make acquaintances and some may become friends. I see a group of old guys at the cafe I go to for coffee, pretty sure they are only friends because they go get breakfast at the Cuban place and ended up talking and sitting together.
I will say though, almost all my friends I met as adult came from work or from them going out with someone in my family. The medium level friends you are probably looking for. Do you not have work?
deleted by creator
Yeah unfortunately most of my interests are stuff that are done solo. Im also not sure if those interests became my interests because i have been solo most of my life. Moved around allot as a kid. That’s why I want to bridge out to new things.
- Linux
- Comic books
- Reading novels
- Electronic Engineering
- Video Games
Video games can be very social though.
Have you tried discord communities for any games you like?
Or alternative look for a game with a good community?
Yeah I tried a discord group called Gamers Who Chill: DFW but it tended to skew to collage kids or teens. Didn’t feel comfortable engaging. As i didn’t want to come off like a creepy old dude by talking to kids.
Some games will have younger audience, I really don’t see an issue tbh but their spazzing can get annoying quick
I am not sure what’s in vogue now. But for example elite dangerous used to have a strong community for middle aged cucks. Eve online too I heard
I was able to reconnect with high schools and college friends recently via video games. If you got old friends like that, might be worth reaching out. Everyone seemed settled in a rut and bored now and willing to do it. When I tried it 10 years ago, everyone was busy “living life”
Oh im not sure I can go back to EVE. That consumed my life in my twenties. 😁
🫡
I wanted to give a second vote for discord. I’m in several channels that aren’t for videogames but for my other hobbies, and things like age/gender never even really come up because everyone is there to talk about whatever said hobby is. Then again, I do most of my communication through text and not voice and I suppose that can make a difference when dealing with the younger crowds.
Yeah i do that mainly with the tildeverse IRC channels and while fun to have a quick chat with a stranger it seems for me those interactions never cross the gap to become a genuine connection beyond talking in IRC or Discord.
You mean you hang out with them and they just feel mundane.
More i say hi they say hi we talk about a topic then they go away. Like where you talk to an anonymous screen name an don’t know anything about the person behind it. You enjoy the conversation much like how I enjoy talking with everyone on lemmy but that connection doesn’t turn into a connection where im added to an invite list at that person’s wedding or graduation. Like you would with a friend group.
deleted by creator
Book club or maybe even some sort of 3d printing meetup? I’ve always found that the people that are interested in those probably would hit the other items on your list.
Hey! you sound pretty cool! :D
I’m at a similar age and have similar interests. I’ve not been successful. I’ve done what others suggest, but not many people are making a genuine connection. Meetup.com ends up being an activity for the meet up and not connection outside. Conventions and gaming makes people get together for the event…but again little interest outside that.
Some of this might be a skill issue. Some of this has to do with how incredibly socially reserved the British are (all my ongoing friendships are with non-British people while living in England, because they’re the ones who will accept invites and meet up again). Some of this has to do with having interests that hardly anyone shares IRL.
I’ve seen posts like this before on Lemmy and people even said they were interested in a chat channel to start a social group here, so I made one and no one joined.
Good luck. I’m interested in reading the other replies you get.
Yeah i so get you dude. It’s funny you bring up being British. I’m half English and have the same problem when I go to cons. Like I went to the local Vintage Computer Festival South West. People were nice but just could never get anyone make the jump to genuine connection.
Being on crutches I think puts it on hard mode. As people ether consciously or unconsciously just don’t want to deal with disabled people. I feel that is less an issue in the UK but in the states most people are down right hostile sometimes to disabled people.
Shit dude, that sounds terrible with people giving you attitude for mobility aids.
I haven’t tried clubs (book club, warhammer, etc) and haven’t tried hobby classes.
I’ve had postgraduate formal classes, but that had mature students who had young families that they were keen to get back to (rather than hanging out).
Thanks dude, i will im used to the overtly hostile people. It’s the people that don’t even realize they do it that kills me. Because that’s not them being assholes that’s the systematic bias built by our society as a whole.
deleted by creator
Yeah it’s a good plan if you can do it. But with moving around allot I don’t really have those old friends in the area. It’s regretful now but as a teen and up to my early twenties. I was of a mind set I’m just going to move in a few years anyway might as well stick to myself. I was that kid in high-school that just did his work didn’t bother anyone. Then just disappeared without you really noticing him. You might have asked to barrow a pen in class.
Join a group thing you like.
First off, you cannot attend any kind of event where women are involved.
I’m not doing a battle of the sexes thing, but the reality is that social dynamics massively change when opposite sex are involved. It is fundamentally impossible to have genuine interactions with other men, when women are around.
Before you get all triggered and decide to hit the downvote, remember I am not doing battle of the sexes…you cannot take women’s wine night for example, deposit a man in the group and expect the social dynamic to remain the same.
So go find something where women are not allowed. Find a clubhouse with a crudely written sign that says “no girls allowed” and the R is backwards.
Find a place where men are not in competition for the attention of women.
Your local discgolf club / community if you’re into that.
Dungeons & Dragons is one, for the sufficiently geeky.
This one is interesting as don’t you need friends already to play?
If you want to start an irl group, yeah. If you’re joining an existing group, no though. Fully online is obviously the easiest place to find groups looking for players, but you can also head down to your local gaming store. I’ve seen bulletin boards before with flyers looking for players, but can probably just ask the people working there if they know of any.
Could also check online forums for your local community, maybe even make a post asking if any gaming groups have openings for irl players.
there are actually lots of groups that attempt to rectify this exact problem.
Pathfinder is a tabletop RPG that has a large following and focuses on the ability to jump in and out of groups and games.
Find your nearest game store and see what hobbies show up there. There might be a Warhammer group, DnD, starwars miniatures, magic, or maybe just random board games.
You can play with online friends with a virtual tabletop like Roll20 or Foundry and voice chat like Discord. I’m in 4 games a week and all of them are online. I mentioned in another comment, but Roll20 has an LFG section taht lets you search by game systems, time, whether or not they welcome new players, etc. I’ve met tons of people this way.
IIRC, you can get into public games on roll20. I also know Lemmy has an instance dedicated to TTRPGs; do they have any kind of game matchup community?
Most game shops host some games that are open to people signing up.
At one of my local stores, they specifically have the “D&D Adventure League” once a week. It does have a $5 entry fee.
Our local libraries do this too! They are free but waaay less rowdy than others I’ve tried (i loke a lol rowdy). And, usually One and Done campaigns. Do double check if you do see your library has them, ours do adult and teen in different groups.
I came here to say Dungeons & Dragons. People of all ages and walks of life play.
Look for events in church bulletin
Or meetup.com for people who want friends and not cult members
Or OTO-USA.org if you want a cult that’s not full of squares.
That’s what I was gonna say. It doesn’t even have to be a religious thing. To a lot of people church/mosque/temple is a cultural thing.
Furry convention
Cigar lounge. May be kind of random but if you are into cigars/dont mind trying on there are always tons of dudes there of all ages. A great place to meet people and just chat
Find a discord community that you share a hobby with. I found a small (<300 people) gaming community discord and have been hanging out there for a couple years now, made tons of friends, always have people to play games with, etc. But it doesn’t have to be gaming, I’m also in 2 movie clubs and a book club on a couple other discord servers, plus I play tabletop roleplaying games online with strangers and make new friends that way, etc. Iono if there’s a place you can physically go to meet people other than a bar or something, but there are lots of places online to meet people. Find yourself a knitting club or a biking club or a hiking group or whatever… tons of those communities exist online, and most of them are on discord.
If you are musical or like music maybe find a local weekly jam or open mic. Play some tunes or just go and enjoy. Typically a very welcoming and open community and supportive scene, at least everywhere I’ve been.
Check out meetup.com for any particular hobbies you’re into.
I would argue that this can be any acitivty which can be done in a group setting and which you enjoy. Maybe check out urban gardening? They sometimes acommodate to people with limited Mobility.
Check out your local library activities, check your city/town event calendar
Without bonus points: climbing. It’s always done in groups, the community is very open and you spend a lot of time just talking.
Basically you show up to a local climbing gym, try a boulder, some guy tries it after you, you say something like “I think you need to switch hands here”, you start chatting, ask him about outdoor climbing in the area, he says that he’s going to a nice stop this weekend, invites you to join, you go and hang out with people all day. It really is that simple.
