How’d it go in the end? Did Kevin McCloud make an appearance? Did your partner get pregnant? How much over-budget were you? Did the high-tech glass from Estonia arrive?
Kevin loved it because we completed the build usng an experimental new kind of concrete made out of recycled hashbrowns, Bic pens, and human excrement. Sadly, Bic stopped manufacturing the model of pen we were using so we had to order and ship artisinal hand-carved pens from a trio of handicapped craftsmen based in Kandahar.
We originally had a budget of twenty-five thousand but, mostly because of the pens, we went over by seven and a half million. We funded that by selling a brick we owned in Kensington, as well as our family home.
Once the family home sold, we moved into a caravan temporarily, but we decided that needed doing up, so we moved into the back of a transit while we were renovating the caravan. To be honest, the transit was a bit of a dump, so we moved into a tent while we did that up. There wasn’t room for all of us in the tent, so I moved into a flowerbed for the last eighteen years of the build.
Still, by not installing any doors, windows, or ventilation, we avoided the inevitable problems with glazing and, on the plus side, the house is entirely airtight so it is very energy effecient and hypoallergenic. We got a certificate.
Also, we had a divorce, my wife had cancer, my other wife left me, my other, other wife and I got married for a second time, I died, and we had two more children (each). None of the kids want to appear in the ‘revisited’ show.
How’d it go in the end? Did Kevin McCloud make an appearance? Did your partner get pregnant? How much over-budget were you? Did the high-tech glass from Estonia arrive?
Kevin loved it because we completed the build usng an experimental new kind of concrete made out of recycled hashbrowns, Bic pens, and human excrement. Sadly, Bic stopped manufacturing the model of pen we were using so we had to order and ship artisinal hand-carved pens from a trio of handicapped craftsmen based in Kandahar.
We originally had a budget of twenty-five thousand but, mostly because of the pens, we went over by seven and a half million. We funded that by selling a brick we owned in Kensington, as well as our family home.
Once the family home sold, we moved into a caravan temporarily, but we decided that needed doing up, so we moved into the back of a transit while we were renovating the caravan. To be honest, the transit was a bit of a dump, so we moved into a tent while we did that up. There wasn’t room for all of us in the tent, so I moved into a flowerbed for the last eighteen years of the build.
Still, by not installing any doors, windows, or ventilation, we avoided the inevitable problems with glazing and, on the plus side, the house is entirely airtight so it is very energy effecient and hypoallergenic. We got a certificate.
Also, we had a divorce, my wife had cancer, my other wife left me, my other, other wife and I got married for a second time, I died, and we had two more children (each). None of the kids want to appear in the ‘revisited’ show.
It sounds like a successful build then, all in all! Did you go for 10 or 15 ovens?
Double oven in every bedroom and an AGA in the downstairs shitter.