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As a former cashier (grocery store not walmart admittedly, but I doubt things are that different), I dont think weird uses for the items are the way to go, the cashier is barely even going to notice or care what you’re buying. what I bring to freak out the cashier, are some item that needs ID to buy, some big heavy item with the barcode removed so that it will take a bunch of lifting and turning in a hopeless effort to find it before someone eventually has to go find another one and bring it over, and a propane refill if walmart does those (at my grocery store the process to go find a full one was a pain, especially in the winter since they were outside). Further, I try to buy these items with the help of a ton of expired and unexpired coupons mixed together, several gift cards, and a stubborn half-deaf old person who wont take no for an answer.
You are a fucking monster. The point of this was to have some laughs not cause a poor walmart employee to beat their spouse or off them selves. Damn you’re cruel.
Hey, it could always get worse. I could also specify that these items are purchased on a Sunday that a locally favored football team happens to be playing a game, during the rush of people buying snacks and soda.
ಠ_ಠ
ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)
Would it be more or less frustrating if instead of an old person, it’s a middle aged person who clearly doesn’t understand the language but keeps smiling and nodding as if you’re on the same page and any time you try to prompt for information, they encouragingly push their items towards you or try to pay you in a currency you don’t recognize?
A bit less, partly because it’s easier to be sympathetic to those people, and partly because, in my experience, it can be helped by getting out google translate on one’s phone, if one can figure out which language it is
How make a cashier consider on the job suicide
What aisle has the half-dead old person
I’m going with the classic:
Pringles can
Gloves
Sponge
Going in dry I see
Once you pop, the fun don’t stop. Shit’s getting chafed up in this bitch
Whiskey, hammer, baby rattle.
You’re going to surprise some friends’ newborn with a custom baby rattle made from an empty whiskey bottle and the handle of a hammer. Very chique
Kid’s backpack, kid’s lunchbox, and a gun.
The back to school in America special.
How to end up on a watchlist:
Pressure cooker, nails, prepaid phone
Casio F-91W watch, soldering iron, electronics wire.
You’re going to hang up balloons and cook a homemade meal for your SO on their birthday, and surprise them with a new phone
Webcam, cactus and KY
You can’t buy Kentucky at Walmart.
Oh, I thought they sold it by the Florida ounce
I hope you are trying to be slick
Not without the Kentucky he isn’t.
SPIT ON THAT THANG
Rope Duct tape Zip ties
Keep it simple.
Gun, ammunition, balaclava
Gun ammunition, baklava
Hmmm, a baklava gun.
Now I want some of that sweet full-auto pastry goodness.
Car battery
Jumper cables
Duct tape
If you get a bonus then bleach, lye, or tarp rounds it out. Have fun talking to the local police!
I once bought 50 cans of butane. That caused a stir. Managers got involved, I was asked a whole bunch of questions about what I was doing, it was annoying.
Oh yeah, also had a similar experience with spray paint.
What WERE you doing?
Making drugs, and graffiti
The easy-way-to-end-up-with-a-police-visit classic:
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Plan B pill
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Giant “9” balloon
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Vodka.
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- Frozen pizza
- Baking sheets
- Sliced pineapple
We’re trying to freak them out, not get a fist bump
Toaster, bathtub plug, pop tarts
Gun, bleach, get well card.
bleach, ammonia based cleaner, mixing container.
uh oh, accidental chloramine gas bomb
reminder people, do NOT mix bleach with ammonia based cleaners to “speed up cleaning”. youll accidentally speed up life
Why doesn’t this happen when I piss in bleach
Brother if you’re pissing straight ammonia you’ve got other problems. Your body specifically coverts ammonia to urea because it’s toxic to you and it’s usually bacteria that converts it back.
