My fiancée does not know how to order off a menu. Actually she does, she doesn’t care to order from a menu like most people do.
Going out to eat with her is pretty much an hour long ordeal of me gritting my teeth while she racks up a bill 3x mine, all while trying nicely to steer her to just one item. She’ll open the menu, get overwhelmed with options, and end up ordering a la carte from places that do not work that way, asking for endless substitutions and upcharges. As an example, at a restaraunt, she might not be able to decide between a burger or chicken tenders, so she’ll ask for “a half order” of both of them, then she likes the sound of one specific dipping sauce that comes with another entree so she’ll ask for a cup of that, etc. Etc. I’ll say something before we go in, she’ll promise me she’ll just get a water, and then get a water - and a margarita. It’s draining. At this point, we go out maybe once pr twice a year unless something forces us out more than that.
The scenario that prompted this rant was that tonight was one of those times. Our bill was $82.10. My entree plus water was $10.99.
I do this - order a la carte and hold stuff. I try to be very nice about it. I don’t want a 3 taco plate with rice and beans for $20, only to throw most of it away. I want a la carte one taco and rice. Everytime I get a salad without dressing, a burger without sauce, anything without cheese, etc., it gets questioned. Please stop trying to give me other dressings, different sauces, and cheese on everything. I get menu anxiety and usually check it before we go so I can make a plan, especially if we’re dining with people I don’t know well. Know that’s it’s frustrating for her too; extra frustrating if you’re calling attention to it.
I might fundamentally disagree with you what a restaurant is. For me it’s a place where hard working people get to share their cuisine with you. Most I’ll ask at a restaurant is one alteration to one dish.
When I read the OP and your post, a restaurant seems like the place for you to get the perfect meal.
As Beau Miles puts it: “I plan on regretting what I’m eating at least once this week”
The restaurants I visit usually sell food, not cuisine. Ordering 3x the food I want seems wasteful and expensive. I don’t think that skipping cheese (and associated diarrhea) makes it the perfect meal.
Different cultures! Dietary restrictions aren’t optional though