Broke my elbow twice: one time at like 7 sliding down a hill and one time at like 13 doing a overhead kick playing soccer. Slit the skin of my head open at 8 after being pushed by a classmate against the base of a decorated column. Lot of blood, many stitches.

While chasing around the house I tripped over a bed board and slid my upper lip on a carpet.

A strip of skin down from the base of the nose to my lip was gone. Everyone freaked out about me disfiguring myself.

I picked at it, of course, 25 years later there’s no trace of it. Kids heal fast.

I was sheltered I think, considering some other injuries here.

Funnily enough, mine’s also garden-pot related. I was playing with my sister and our friend and I tripped over and faceplanted into a terracotta pot. It could’ve been a lot worse because there was a cactus in it, but even as it was I needed six stitches.

Was running around with my cousins on pavement wearing flip flops. I was chasing my cousin who ran up stairs and I slipped and hit my face on the side of a stair. To this day, I still have the scar on my lip that my tooth opened up.

Parents told me I’m the cause of all their problems.

I went camping with my family, was probably seven or eight years old. There was a sign right next to our camping spot to notify people about something not to do, who knows what the message was in reality but I like to imagine it as “do not bend this sign backwards to use it to catapult rocks you find laying around nearby”.

Anyway, while my parents were preoccupied with setting up our tent, my makeshift catapult hit me right by the eye. Thankfully it did not actually injure my eye itself, just huge cuts both above and below the eye, but I had a pretty good talent for screaming at that age regardless of which part of my body was hurting. I remember after an hour or something my parents kept pushing that all the other campers were going to think I was being abused, and then we packed up and left our week-long camping trip a couple hours after arriving.

Mine wasn’t really all that bad, but the time that occurs to me involves me at like 5 or 6 years old, snow, a sled, a metal fence post, and a big red bump on my forehead. I hit pretty hard, but I don’t think I was concussed or anything.

Made an awkward turn while playing and had a knee subluxation. Brief agony until I “popped” it back in and insisted I was fine. Limped around for the rest of the day, hurt for the rest of the week. For several years after, it would randomly happen again, though less severe, quicker to recover, and less frequent between incidents. Didn’t bother to get it checked out since I heard any significant knee surgery would take me out of commission for some months. I’m still not sure if I’m completely over it yet. God forbid it happens to me on the stairs

I managed to remove at least one nail in all of my limbs through various activities. Some of them are dumber than others, but all of them are silly.

As a kid our alley in back was where all the neighborhood kids played. We all decided it was race time. Most of us were on bikes but I happened to have my roller blades on.

Important detail is that there was a pretty steep slope from one end of the alley to the bottom before it leveled out halfway down. Of course we start at the top, everyone’s getting speed and I’m focused so I don’t get the wobbles. I’m actually ahead and it’s me a Jorge going neck and neck until I hit a rock at the bottom.

I tucked and rolled (apparently about 5 times) before I land on my back and slide for another 15 feet.

Maybe it was bad enough for the ER but in that day and with my family we treated it at home if it wasn’t a broken bone or head wound. So I laid belly down on the couch while my Pops picked gravel out of my back and blotted me with peroxide and anticeptic. Overall it wasn’t as bad as some of my brothers’ accidents but it looked pretty gnarly.

I could have won dammit

Worst I hurt myself: Older, much larger cousin broke my leg by landing on it in a bouncy castle.

Injury that pissed me off the most: At 13, I loved jiujitsu and rock climbing above all else. At my last jiujitsu class before going to California to, among other things, go bouldering in Joshua Tree, I sliced my heel badly on the metal bottom of the dojo door that had about an inch and a half of clearance from the floor.

Shoes in general, let alone those super-tight climbing shoes, were out of the question for two weeks. I’m still mad. Of all the ways I could’ve got hurt, it was the fucking door on the way out that took me down.

I was skating at the local ice rink, and tripped. I think it was an Olympic-sized rink, but that might have been the pool… it was pretty big, anyway. I bounced my head off the ice so hard I saw blue and red fireworks (only time that’s ever happened to me), and slid half the length of the rink on my face wherein I crashed into the barrier. That shit hurt, I still remember it vividly 30 years later, but luckily nothing broken. My mum was simultaneously aghast, and relieved and amazed I wasn’t more injured. She was convinced I’d have fractured something in my face when she saw me fall.

Not too bad.

But I was fucking around while trying to learn to ride a bike. Went too fast, hit a bump on a dirt road. Went over the handlebars, slid face first a few feet into a ditch.

Now, like I said, I wasn’t badly injured. It was all just scrapes and bruises. But they were deep scrapes from my forehead all the way down one side of my face, then my chest and belly, plus along the inner side of my right arm from trying to stop myself.

Every scrape was filled with dirt and gravel, which had to be picked out. Then it all needed flushing out. So by the time it was all done I was high from endorphins and crying and screaming, looked like a shredder had beaten the shit out of me, and was both throbbing and burning along the entire scraped section.

Then I had to go to school like that lol.

Came off my bike when I was about 6 or 7, scratched my elbow…not stitches bad but bad enough. Still got the scar.

Bike riding in the 80s and jumping ramps, the slope was too high and sent the bike upward so I let go (bad plan) and supermanned myself across the pavement on my chest. I had vertical road rash stripes all down my front.