Everybody gangsta till they hit a phalanx
Everyone phalanx till they hit TRIPLEX ACIES
This comment is proudly presented by S.P.Q.R.
Everyone Triplex Acies till they don’t hit skirmishing horse archers
This comment was present while sipping out of the gold skull goblet of Cassius.
Looks like a factorio map view of your defense’s vs bugs attacking
The movie 300 is one of the worst perpetrators of this. Though I guess tbf it’s argued that the movie is just the storytelling of the Spartan who Leonidas told to return to Sparta
especially bad, because they make the point to explain why their military was superior, then fight for style points
“You can’t join us, we don’t break formation.”
[immediately breaks formation]
That movie is 99% style points. with 1% protofascist messaging.
What’s the protofascist message? Don’t remember the movie too well
give it a rewatch, tell me if you notice them.
Gonna second the other two comments, but I think its worth remembering that the warrior society of Sparta likely never existed. People didnt start talking about the indomitable martial society of Sparta until, like, 300 years after the nation of Sparta stopped existing. Contemporary accounts seem to tell that Spartan society looked pretty similar to other Greek states at the time, except they actually trained their soldiers. For example, the agoge now has a reputation as the brutal training ground where Spartan boys became men, but contemporary accounts say that their boys were not just trained in martial arts but also in hunting, dancing, singing, reading and writing, and rhetoric. It wasnt until the roman empire gave them a tourist industry that they started playing up the “legendary honorable warrior culture” angle, partially as a conservative movement calling to return to the good old days where men were real men.
Big Joel, a YouTuber, covers some of it: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hEMqTPUWXqw&pp=ygUMYmlnIEpvZWwgMzAw
And 1500% Aaaaaaaaaaauuuubbbbbsssss
why are conservative themed movies the most homoerotic things on the planet?
I mean, tbf, the real Spartans sucked at fighting too, so…
Its not even close to how it actually happened either. From the geography of that specific area to the pace and events that take place, almost none of it is based on history.
My ‘favorite’ is when the hyper-eugenic proto-Nazi Spartan king is very kind and accommodating towards someone who was disabled and supposed to be murdered at birth, as hyper-eugenic proto-Nazi leaders are known to be, of course! Or when the Persian monarch is depicted as some despotic demigod when in reality Persia was probably the more tolerable of the two polities. Or when the much larger contributions of other Greek city-states were brushed off with a little casual mid-2000s homophobia and like two scenes of screentime. Or when there’s a complete absence of the ~80% of literal fucking slaves who let the Spartan polity function, so we can maintain the “GOOD Spartans, BAD Persians” narrative for modern audiences. Or when the Persian troops are depicted as literal monsters. Or etc etc etc
It’s also weird that the Spartan council of elders was all old, deformed guys. Like, what were they still doing around?
Wouldn’t even get a gravestone for being such cowards to LIVE to OLD AGE, smh
That’s a huge battle all the way from the west coast of Africa to the east coast of South America!
You can kind of see what ancient battles probably looked like by checking out the skirmishes on the Indian Chinese border where they aren’t allowed guns.
I’d be such a bitch in an ancient battle. Yeah, I love the idea of roaring and swinging a weapon around whilst hulking in armor (except you know I’d be the guy who got a quilted gambeson at best), but I am so afraid of being sliced or pulverized. Imagine being in a simple knife fight. That’s terrifying enough. And let’s say you survive the first fight without getting your arm cleaved off or the head of an axe buried snug into your ribcage. Now what? Count your blessings and move on to the next guy within swinging range? Roll the dice on that desperate monster with a frantic look in his eye and hope you don’t catch a glaive in the meantime? And say you beat him and the others? You survive the battle with manageable wounds and have to worry about the next one? Fuck that, dude. I’d be desserting on day one to live as a hermit in the woods. King can eat me arse. I’d rather live with the crones of Crookback Bog.
Casualties don’t get bad until a retreat. You hold that fucking line.
You also hold that fucking line even if your enemy appears to be running away. So many ancient battles were lost by over-pursuing a broken foe in the center and then getting annihilated in the flanks.
sun tzu recommend you back your soldiers into a corner to avoid both situations :3
Cortés burned his ships.
You’d be like an extra in Braveheart. There’s one scene in that movie where Mel is giving an impassioned speech about free lunches or something and in the background behind his head you can see one extra like fifty feet away from everybody else aimlessly waving a piece of white foam around. If George Lucas had directed Braveheart, that shit would have been removed a long time ago.
thats why vikings would take shrooms before battle. absolutely no fear and if they die who cares im going to valhalla now later suckers
I’m afraid to run into other hikers while on shrooms. The vikings were madmen…
I think it’s funny how so many ancient battles involve the winning side’s center giving way (whether intentionally or not), and the losing side’s center over-pursuing their ostensibly routed foe and then getting slaughtered from the flanks. Cannae, Gaugamela, Hastings and a bunch of others all fit this pattern. Hell, even WWI (in the West at least) was basically this shit for most of its four years. Even Stalingrad and the Battle of the Bulge were exactly this in WWII.
The importance of NCOs shouting at overeager farmboy sons-of-bitches to keep it in their pants until ordered to pursue cannot be overstated.
… the importance of career officers firmly-but-politely informing their aristocratic glory-hound commanders to keep it in their pants until pursuit is viable also cannot be overstated.
On the second panel there should be some op & plot-armoured heroes that have a neat line of enemies formed in front of them attacking one at a time & the rest just patiently waiting for their turn as to not overwhelm the main char.
