Chickpea tuna salad. Drain a can of chickpeas, then mix with a can of tuna (drained, if it’s packed in water), some olive oil, red wine vinegar, and salt. I add diced raw onion if I’m not too tired.

Microwaved pepperoni chips.

Put pepperoni on a plate with some paper towels, microwave for one minute. The apartment will smell either heavenly or sickening for the next hour, depending on how much you like pepperoni.

Works with any sliced sausage really

Omelet composed of >60% frozen vegetables and seasoned with soy sauce.

It doesn’t hold itself together at all and it looks disgusting.

Y’all are horrifying. That’s all I came here to say.

Snack pasta (farfalle are the best). No cooking, just open the package and munch the raw pasta. I like how crispy it is.

I ate frozen fish sticks when I was a kid. Just took em out of the freezer and gnawed on them.

I keep a bouquet of dry pasta on my desk that I absentmindedly munch on while I work.

Sometimes I’ll eat a whole head of cabbage over a day peeling it leaf by leaf.

Instant mashed potatoes with American cheese melted in, and a variety of seasonings, butter, toppings etc. It’s a great, cheap way to make a bowl out of random leftovers, protein or whatever. But I wouldn’t dare serve it to someone.

‘quickadilla’ I’ll slap a tortilla on a cold pan, turn on the heat and build it right in the pan while it heats up with shredded cheese and left over meat. Takes 5 minutes and it’s at least as good as Taco Bell, and actually warm and melted.

More of a meal I’d actually be willing to share, but not brag about because it’s sort of a bastardization of cultures. But I’ll often make a curry using Japanese curry blocks, and season chicken in a vaguely Indian style, then put it over rice. Really simple and delicious. I’m kind of proud of it but I wouldn’t even know how to explain it to someone, much less actually serve it.

Scoop of peanut butter

I put ketchup on bread and microwave it

idk how weird this is in terms of everything else in this thread, but peanut butter and pickles on toast is great

Mine would probably be my ghetto breakfast sandwiches. I usually throw a little shredded cheese, diced onion, and hot peppers into a coffee mug and crack and egg into it and then scramble it. Microwave that for a min while i toast an English muffin or bagel. Then put it together with maybe a thin slice of ham. Excellent breakfast sandwich. People think I’m nuts for making the eggs in a microwave, but it works well, has an easy cleanup, and is super quick in the mornings before work.

Guacamole with cottage cheese. The Polish side of my family loves it, but I wouldn’t dare add it to my guac when making it for the Mexican half of my family.

It’s bending the rules, since it’s a camping meal, but I have made it at home, too, since it makes a great depression meal. I got it from backpackers, who I’m pretty sure got it from prison inmates:

The Ramen Bomb.

Cook a crushed up packet of instant ramen noodles, maybe with a little more water than usual. Add like half a packet of instant mashed potatoes. You can also add a protein, like… chopped up Spam. Maybe some hot sauce or other fixings if you’re feeling fancy.

I hated how much I enjoyed it. Granted, that was when I was really tired and hungry, but that hit the spot.

Also, I’ve heard meals like the ones in this thread affectionately referred to as “glop,” by a fellow glop-enjoyer.

An entire loaf of French bread from the super market and a sobe (at least back when sobe existed)