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Joined 18 days ago
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Cake day: December 9th, 2024

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  • Nice try

    The real biden, being the oldest boomer of all boomers, would have phone called me

    Was dealing with a rental agent without a pfp, tried to guess his age with a message, see if he’d type “…” or asked “are you black”, but that first fucking phone call confirmed it. YES WOUTER I SAID WILL SEE YOU IN 30-40 MINUTES. IT HAS ONLY BEEN 18 MINUTES.

    like, I can’t talk on the phone while driving. I could die. Someone else could die. I could get my phone confiscated in the Municipality of the City of Cape Town.

    I know that’s not a problem for you, You just use the phone to WhatsApp hour long voicenotes to your ex-wife who blocked you and Chrome search “big bobs oily sex party”

    My fucking OTPs, my bank, my job and my literal lifeline. I wish I didn’t need an app for any of that shit but our generations do






  • My brother used to take Ambien

    Like, too much Ambien. I heard that in the USA, you could only get 3-5 tablets or something like that prescribed. Over here in ZA, you can get a 6 month prescription with 30 tablets each repeat.

    We shared a bathroom. On multiple occasions I’d walk in with the floor coated in piss. One time, I walked in while he was lying face down, dick out, on the floor completely soaked in urine.

    I helped him up, he said something incompressible and tried to get him a fresh pair of clothes.

    Another time he woke me up to convince me he could make things levitate. I said “nah man you’re on Ambien, go to bed”, but he kept insisting. Eventually I just caved so I could go back to sleep and watch him unsuccessfully levitate his keyboard.

    I played cod once after taking 10mg. I felt like I was in the fucking jungle. Heart pounding, terrified, adrenaline flowing, tunnel vision. Fucking dominated that match though.

    I then blacked out and I told someone who I haven’t spoken to in years, that I was in love with them. (I wasn’t). Deleted the message when I woke up. No follow ups, thank god.

    The memories are either blackout or vaguely choppy.

    Weird-ass drug. Wouldn’t recommend unless you really struggle to fall asleep. You gotta take the pill and immediately jump into bed and try to fall asleep or else face the consequences of shit you don’t remember doing.



  • Even if it turns out he truly had no fucking idea about the slaves and was completely oblivious to the illegal pornography framed on the monster’s walls, he still did a bunch of fucked up shit

    The first thing that comes to mind for most people is Monica Lewinsky. If the most powerful man in the world asks you to do something you are not comfortable with, can you truly say no?

    Even if you’re not American, if Biden asks me to bleach my asshole and send him a photo, I’d do it, because I don’t want the CIA to kill my dogs with mystery gas or somehow Pegasus my 20 year old microwave.


  • Oh, I know.

    It’s just funny, Rand Paul watching him mumble stupid shit at the Trump rally, and then thinking “Wow. What an excellent orator. We should make him the house speaker”.

    Republicans won the house, right? So I doubt the next incumbent house speaker is not going to be a total piece of shit.

    I doubt Elon will even acknowledge a nomination. House Speaker looks like a job where you can’t fly your private jets coast to coast nor tweet all fucking day nonstop.