TouchMacaque

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Of course, who doesn’t want their air supply cut off on a far away planet

You know I used to think ai was pretty cool because I read a lot of sci-fi and in most sci-fi ai is a very useful tool but now that I’ve been living in reality for a good 2 years I’ve noticed that maybe this ai just isn’t very nice. It’s like that time I meet weird ai Yankovic and thought it was the real Weird Al but all he did was regurgitate edgy talking points and send me videos of giant boobed women dancing.

Needless to say, Bob Barker was pretty cool.

Honestly she probably just wanted to make you feel better because you can’t make her knobroll snacks.

Next time just tell her to go pick carrots to sell at the local farmers market. It’s probably a better use of her time anyway.

If you’re uncircumcised you can try a variation of this where you put peanut butter on your knob and then jam on your shaft then when you pull your foreskin over it you’ve got yourself a pb&j eggroll. If you’re circumcised then I’d suggest some foreskin regeneration therapy so you can try making pb&j shlongrolls in a few years. No one should miss out.

Probably. I should probably get back to work.

Yeah

I just don’t understand why there were so many authors at something called bottles for Christ. And why were there referees?

My sister’s nephew was a copilot in Croatia 52 years ago and if he were still alive he’d be pretty upset that Microsoft gave his job title to a bunch of goddamn 1s and 0s.

Several roommates ago I had one who used to fill a pillowcase with Styrofoam takeout containers to scream into, the Styrofoam would absorb the sound so I and his 41 other roommates wouldn’t hear anything. He had a severe allergic reaction to the leftover peanut sauce in a styrofoam pad Thai container in his pillowcase once and had to be moved to an apartment in Memphis. He’s a big anti nut activist now, he recently organized the largest no nut November rally but everyone seemed to think it was about not masturbating. It really discouraged him that something he was so passionate about like eradicating nuts from the earth was co-opted by people who didn’t want to ejaculate for some odd reason.

He’s a lawyer in Paraguay now working on a big case against trees to get them to stop making nuts. Here’s to hoping he’s successful!

The last time my brother’s aunt got COVID she told us she cured it by putting candy corn in her asshole. After that she started doing it every day as if they were multivitamins but she was diabetic so she fell into a coma and eventually died, this was 8 years ago so I have no idea how the hell she got COVID in the first place. Rest in peace Gary-Ann.

Twelve years ago my brother’s ex girlfriend’s wife attended Bottles for Christ where she witnessed a fight between two emerging authors, one was a woman who’s name escapes me but the title of her book was “the girl with the dog dick tits”. She didn’t take kindly to another authors adaptation of the classic “pizza clowns from space hell”, claiming it was rubbish and a direct insult to writers. They argued over several bottles of wine until the referees announced the winner was a different author who had written a cookbook about making dinosaur sashimi. Everyone thought it was ridiculous because you would have to figure out time travel in order to even get dinosaur meat, that is until a young descendant of Alberto Weinstein came up with a way to incubate dinosaurs from nothing more than the DNA contained in oil. Unfortunately he died of sepsis before testing out his theory and no one ever got to eat dinosaur sashimi.

Bottles for Christ never happened again after that year, 32 people died of alcohol poisoning and another 210 were hospitalized with severe liver problems. At least those 32 people got to meet their Lord in the end so I guess bottles for Christ wasn’t a complete waste of time.

My uncle’s dead pastor’s name was Jack and he used to light candles for the fish in the tanks outside of Don Quihote in Akihabara for Easter while crowds clapped and sang Beatles songs to him

My cousin’s great aunt used to suck the lead out of duplo blocks before riding her bike and pedaling so fast that she thought she was riding a motorcycle and would pull over on the side of the road to throw up until a police officer came and gave her free lunch for 6 years at an Applebee’s down on Elmo Street but they closed down after 2 years so she felt pretty ripped off.