I’ve dated a couple of girls who can’t get off without a vibrator.
It’s hard to get mad at that. They’ve got their thing and it works. If your dick or tongue can’t shake at 30 wiggles a second, why complain? So long as we both get off by the end of it, everyone has a good time.
What’s the problem?
If your dick or tongue can’t shake at 30 wiggles a second, why complain?
I would imagine for the same reason that women complain about men who cant cum without their pornhub deathgrip…
Agree. People dont like being replaced with meaningless objects. People can also rationalize and become used to nearly anything.
Equally, I’ve hooked up with some guys who struggle to get off during sex itself (which may be because the grip one uses while masturbating may be firmer than what one experiences during sex).
Having slept with both women and men, I feel like the pressure to reach orgasm seems like it’s bad for everyone. One dude I knew felt super insecure about not getting off, which stemmed from a previous partner taking it personally. It’s certainly the case that for some men, it can feel uncomfortable to have sex and not reach orgasm. However, I think that everyone would have a better time if people decoupled satisfaction from orgasm.
If I wanted to be certain that I’d get off, then the use of a vibrator helps a lot. That’s not necessarily my goal though; some of the best sex I’ve ever had didn’t result in me reaching orgasm, and I find it frustrating when people don’t understand that this is possible (I find this problem more common with men). Of course, that’s just personal to me — some people may consider reaching orgasm to be an essential part of “good sex”, but that’s why good communication is the best skill one can develop for better sex.
The stories you’ve lived are the ones that seem more meaningful. For a guy, climax is a given, and sometimes the whole point just for maintenance purposes. The wholesome joy of a thing is made impure by ulterior motives. It took me a while to see it from the other side.
I’m one of those guys that struggles to orgasm. Even masturbating I will sometimes last a really long time. It’s more a mood thing than a sensation thing for me. I have to have my mind in the right state to orgasm. The good thing about it is I can have sex for as long as my partner wants often.
It’s odd, because usually men are the ones who leave their partners wanting. For me my partners pretty much always get more than they bargained for, but I’m frequently left without orgasming. It’s fine though. It’s still plenty enjoyable without it.
If your dick doesn’t shake at 30hz it is a skill issue on your part ;/
I often offer to use a vibrator with a partner but they rarely take me up on it.
I really like making my partner cum and it’s so much better at itAmong the women I’ve dated, a few didn’t own any sex toys they admitted to me, a few admitted to having sex toys they wouldn’t show me, a couple were open about having them but didn’t want to masturbate in front of me, one would, and only one chick would do toys plus intercourse.
Damn man save some sexually repressed women for the rest of us
I haven’t fucked my way through the entire American South.
I should probably use the alt for this, but whatever, I’m a grownup. I really never liked the stimulation from a vibrator, it is just too intense to feel good, sort of irritating and I am not hypersensitive, either, ok with other direct stimulation, fingers, oral. So it’s not a universal delight.
See, this is so true!
Now someone tell my wife that using a fuck machine in my my ass and nipple clips is super reasonable!
Please and thank you.
I first misread and thought she was using the toy on the guy.
Which can be emasculating in a fun way btw
As a guy, it can be amazing in the right hands. I kind of feel bad for guys who are too closed minded to experiment in the bedroom.
It’s like people who only eat meat and potatoes. Which is fine, but there’s a whole world out there and so many ways to climax harder than one would think was possible.
Sometimes you just don’t have time. Like, brother… Come on… I’m almost 40. It’s not as easy to jackhammer my wife at the perfect angle for 25 straight minutes anymore. It’s better for everyone, her included, if she helps rub that shit out and we can both be asleep by 10pm. We have work tomorrow, and you know our daughter’s going to come pitter-pattering in here at 4:30am to say she’s hungry because she couldn’t be fucked to eat more than two beans and a half a chicken tender the night prior.
Plus if you’re the type to get more satisfaction from your partner’s pleasure than your own (which I’m hoping goes for everyone reading this), if toys help her come more times, why wouldn’t you do it? I know I always enjoyed it more that way, SHE was the one who didn’t want it too often lol
Should be able to elicit an orgasm with oral in far less than 40 minutes.
Sure, if your SO is into it. Many aren’t.
Well, people arent immutable, and romance and intimacy develops over time. I’d say a guy or girl who needs very specific conditions to orgasm has some intimacy issues. I’d imagine people might not want to be with people who have hangups like that.
Oh my bad, sorry, I meant to say everyone’s perfect the way they are, of course.
Alright then. You win comment of the day.
You really sound like one of these boomers that don’t like their families.
Try being a parent before judging one. Everything here rings true to someone with a young child and bills to pay.
Yup, I love them, but their whining can get real old.
Thanks for letting me know what that sounded like. Next time I’ll add an /s at the end so that the dim individuals among us (not you, of course…) can more easily recognize comedy on a sub that’s devoted to it.
What the fuck?
Hell no it’s way fun.
Or was way fun. I remember it being fun. I don’t want to have memories
Its funny cause before i wouldnt have had a problem with it but they way she put it is kinda interesting lol.
I showed it to my gf she laughed, no insecurities when you know though heh. Cause LeBron doesn’t need to perform in the bedroom he does his work on the court, others have to do it in other less spacious rooms without millions watching thank fucking God. No viewers opinions when you’re there. Like a damn a parole hearing each time, they want to critic each bit. But have fun and make sure it ain’t too bad ;)
Wonder how she’d feel if instead of her needing a physical aid, it would be him needing a visual aid.
It’s like, if Mia Khalifa is on your team … Are you mad that she scored more points than you?
The nuance I feel you might be overlooking is your so-called visual aid is just someone else’s hot bod (as much as it is mostly artificial) and it might signal to your partner that you don’t find her physique attractive enough, whereas the use of sex toys or physical aids as you put it would be your partner’s way of signaling that her pleasure is not exclusively centered on your penis or its size. Even in phallic shaped toys designed for penetration, there’s always something else reputable manufacturers include, be it vibration, texture, shape, simultaneous clitoral stimulation, suction, etc. And none of these are meant to substitute your own physique and the intimacy you bring to the table (or the bed, or the couch, or the shower hehe).
I think the poster below makes a good point that toys designed for men such as fleshlights would be a more apt comparison. And the reverse for the example you provide would be something akin to needing the visual aid of Johnny Sins to get off. If we were to talk about getting off during your little lovemaking session by the chemistry and the fantasy on screen in porn - and both parties were ok with and equally excited by it -, then I’d also find no issue with that (albeit, I do think there are healthier ways to go about).
When it comes to sex, it all eventually comes down to communication and respect. And if your boundaries to feeling comfortable draw a line against using sex toys, then that’s you and your partner needs to respect your feelings as well. I just feel like it’s a shame if people are missing out, because their own insecurities equate a dildo or a vibrator (or whatever) to a substitute for your penis, your body, and your active role during sexy times, because they definitely are not.
they are different senses, doesn’t really work as an analogy
a super tight fleshlight would probably work better, which can also vibrate
Dont even need that, plenty of dudes have issues where they prefer porn and masturbation to intimacy with their partner.
i dont have a partner, but i am (trying) to get over a porn/masturbation addiction myself right now…it’s…way tougher than it feels like it should be, but then i guess really thinking back it’s an addiction i’v had nearly 15+ years now.
so i guess it’s no surprise some people have that issue continue while being in relationship
Its a much bigger societal problem than people want to admit. Good on you for admitting its an addiction, being aware of negative consequences is a big part of overcoming something. There are support groups for this stuff and it can help to have people who you can talk to that yoy might be embarrassed to talk to friends and family about.
they are different senses, doesn’t really work as an analogy
It works just fine. Men tend to be more visually oriented, for women the physical part is often the limiting factor to reach a climax.
In both cases something external is added to get over the other party’s “inadequacies”.
If the guy has trouble reaching orgasm, sure. But in most straight relationships I’m familiar with it tends to go the other way, where the female partner needs more help to finish.
An e-bike wouldn’t do much for Jonas Vingegaard, but it can be a game changer for someone who struggles with gentle hills.
in most straight relationships I’m familiar with
So because it doesn’t happen to you, it doesn’t happen to anyone. Ok.
It’s probably a little bit rarer than the other way around, but male anorgasmia exists especially as men get older.
But as usual, male feelings and sexual problems are ridiculed and swept under the rug as unimportant.
That is emphatically not what I said.
I was just sharing my experience since it informed the way I interpreted the joke. I think it makes sense for her to talk about using a vibrator with partners since that’s probably something she has experienced.
Casting this joke as ‘male feelings being ridiculed’ is so strange. She’s talking about her own feelings, making light of the expectations her partners have set.
It’s not bigoted or mean spirited. The joke is fine.
Fun fact, the G in Kenny G is for Gorelick. Though they don’t seem to be related.
I would have no issue with vibrator usage, since that’s a tool, not a person. But I don’t think I want anyone else dunking on my gf while I make the alley-oop.
From the emasculated male perspective, LeBron is the competitor, not your teammate.
Even if the guy just plays basketball as a hobby, I’m walking.
While I comple agree with her, you’re right that metaphor is kind of … meh. Like I get what she’s trying to say it’s just that you can twist that metaphor in some uncomfortable ways.
Btw the magic wand is the answer if you don’t like the vibrator idea
Btw the magic wand is the answer if you don’t like the vibrator idea
The magic wand…vibrator?
Well one is internal use, and the other is external……usually
which one? the vibrator or the vibrator?
Magic wand (hitachi) is typically external. But google enough and well……
What? There are many different types of vibrators. Some are internal, some external, some are both!
I was specifically referring to the magic wand. Which was intended to be external but the internet has proven that people get creative in their quests to void warranties
It’s always funny to hear people who’ve never been part of a team speaking about team sports. Jenny thinks it’s fun to pass the ball to Lebron and watch him dunk - the few minutes you’re not on the bench that is 😂 It’s not about just winning, it’s about winning well. Joga bonito Jenny, I’d rather fuck the wall.
Jenny thinks it’s fun to pass the ball to Lebron and watch him dunk - the few minutes you’re not on the bench that is 😂
What are you talking about? Assists are absolutely a great feeling when playing basketball. And, for that matter, so are wide-open shots you score in plays made possible by teammates’ contribution: good passing, pick setting, etc.
And I’ve never played at a level where alley oops are possible, but I kinda wish that I could’ve.
Absolutely true, but assists are just one facet of the game, even greats like Nash in basketball or Pirlo in football whose passing was what made them famous, did everything else too. Imho being able to visualize the entire court/pitch etc and to create plays requires the highest level of mastery, it’s absolutely amazing to watch and the few times I was able to pull something like that off, it’s a better feeling than scoring. That being said, this doesn’t translate well to the sex with a vibrator scenario because it’s not quite a team game. It’s an inanimate fucking object that your partner prefers to you. You’re not Steve Nash opening the play for your team, you’re the ball boy.
She gets hers and he gets his. Wheres the problem?
Maybe ask her if you can do anything to replace the vibrator and when she says you can vibrate her clit with your dick at 50 Hz, you tell her to just use the vibrator.Perhaps his is making his partner climax on his own. I don’t think it has to be an emasculation thing I think the idea that you and solely you are the thing that your partner finds the most sexually stimulating to be inticing
The real comedy is in the comments we found along the way.
Do whatever gets the job done. So many unnecessary hangups.
If she needed me to kill a chicken for her to get off, I’d ring that poor little bastard’s neck (the chicken’s, just to be clear.)
My love life involves a lot of choking the chicken too.
Emasculating ? Sounds like projection from her.
![[Jenny Gorelick] Co-Stars](https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/pictrs/image/82526c18-e403-4b8c-86fd-80996e8e7229.webp){kind=link}