I have a Giant Sulcata Tortoise. She’s almost 100lbs.

Super easy to care for. She mows the lawn to eat but St Augustine grass doesn’t have all the nutrition she needs so we supplement her diet every two days with some fresh lettuce, fruit, and tortoise pellets.

Right now our yard is full of pumpkins donated by our neighbors that she enjoys very much (her poops turned a bit orange, haha). Watching her eat them is a surprisingly satisfying and relaxing experience.

Her home is an old lawnmower shed that my father-in-law had lying around and she goes into it every night (we cut a tortoise-shaped hole in the front and put some “baggage flaps” over it to keep the heat in). Interestingly, we didn’t need to “train” her to go in there she just figured it out on day 1 and settled in the very first night.

She comes when she’s called and loves to come see us when we’re out in the yard (hoping for treats!). We often get the leftover produce from Publix that’s going to be thrown away and feed her that. She doesn’t care that the lettuce has gone all wilty or about damaged fruit so it’s better than sending it into the trash 👍

I have a black cat with access to 5th level teleportation spells, dunno if that counts

I had stick insects for a while. Very easy to care for. They multiply rapidly, so the main challenge is keeping their population under control. In the beginning I had males and females, but the males died out at some point. Not an issue for their reproduction though, as the females can basically just clone themselves into an egg.

Nice try NYSDEC. You are not going to trick me that easily.

I had cockroaches. They were all supposed to be male but one or more started laying eggs. I noped right out of that one.

I had a black Emperor Scorpion. He was a chill little dude. Mildly venomous. Fine pet for someone who can handle that / not young kids.

A guy 2 streets down had a lion up until last year. That was … something. My niece would cry anytime it would roar and we were passing by

No, I don’t, but thanks for asking

I have a special needs bearded dragon. Special needs because he was born without scales. Also, unfortunately, he is now mostly blind.

He has given me more grey hairs in his 5 years on earth than my previous 30. His care requires multiple skincare products, aloe, etc. His diet requires me to keep bins of cockroaches which also require their own food and water. He also requires heat & UVB bulbs with separate fixtures, and has a specialty “herpstat” that can automatically time the lights, control temperatures, report on humidity, etc.

He is a pain to care for!

I love him so much. I do it all happily and he’s a wonderful, friendly, sweet, amazing companion.

One tanuki or raccoon dog that belongs to me, one ringtail/miner cat I help my first mate with, and a hawk that lives in my backyard that likes me.

Indirectly. Some came with my wife and when my father in law passed we got another. Now my wife has a brown thumb. I think I made that term up but basically she has a knack for keeping animals healthy and alive and im not exactly sure how. She just has good instincts around that stuff. Anyway she has a tortoise and a turtle. Pretty easy over all as its mostly cleanup and feeding. She does this rubdown of fishoil and other supplements every few months. From my father in law we got a goffin cockatoo when my father in law passed and the bird is almost 40. We have had him for like ten years but my father in law had him way longer and in his formative years. Anyway im father in law as a curmudgeon and so is the bird and he shows no signs of changing his way at this age. I do not recommend exotics though. If you don’t live in a major metropolitan area finding a vet that handles them will be tough and even then the vets will be far more likely to be ignorant of them. I would not have them if not for my wife and even she would not get more as she realizes she was just not as wise in her youth.

There’s a shadow spider in the top corner of my room, but it hides when I switch the lights on