Masculinity is when you are afraid for how other people perceive you.
Is this what alpha feels like? Are we all feeling alpha yet?
That’s the opposite of it.
Toxic masculinity is that, among many other things.
I think toxic masculinity actually has little to do with actual masculinity. Not disagreeing with you here, more like elaborating.
Men we’ve been scammed, go to the store and look at the completely bland men’s clothing options and then go to the women’s section and look at all the fun they have with all the different colors and styles, it’s really a tragedy.
Dont get me started on drinks! :)
I’ll take the girly drinks and keep wearing my black shirts, thanks
Okay but consider this black leather jacket to go with, or some accessories so you don’t get mistaken for a tech bro. Maybe a mixed fabric panel to show that region you’ve been working out? Vest or unbuttonable portion?
Or pants of some sort to go with it? Maybe?
I’m not straight, I dont even like you people, but for fuck’s sake learn to dress yourselves so I dont need to console my (often hot) straight friends or hear their absolutely heartbreaking ‘he used conditioner and owns two pairs of jeans in different styles!’ Exclamations of joy.
No thanks, I’ll keep buying bulk black t-shirts and optionally MAYBE wear a hoodie and switch from shorts to jeans when it’s cold out.
You are why straight girls are all tragic figures.
Cost efficient, though.
I’m hoping whoever I one day end up with, actually likes my personality not my things or style. To that end, I also now drive an old beater.
But the clothes are more about efficiency, yes. I have 20 pairs of the same socks too so I don’t have to look for pairs.
Style is a display and telegraphing of your personality.¹
Also, unless you’re ace, you probably want her to think you’re hot. You know how you like when a lady knows how to clothes good and dresses up and looks really fucking hot?
She wants something roughly equivalent, but has given up and dismissed it as fantasy.
If you wear something very fancy, it doesn’t just say ‘I am fancy’ it says ‘this is what I think is fancy, and I’m confident enough to wear it around and take the risk’.
Like, you wouldn’t expect the same behavior and relationship from punk leather jacket guy, lumberjack, bard, thinks-hes-a-wizard, business-devil, and the guy wearing a silk button down hentai print shirt with a first-Doctor-scarf aviator goggles mirror shined shoes but fully donald-ducking it. Would you?
Oh yeah, what the hell, who doesn’t like delicious fruit drinks that get you super wasted? (Besides sober people of course)
I’m worried I’d become a Girl Drink Drunk
Bleh. All those colorful drinks are so loaded with sugars. They look like fun, but get ready for a gnarly hangover. Stick with gin and sodas!
Best cure for a hangover is drinking responsibly. Good drinks do make it hard though.
Gin and soda is pretty gay though… IDK
For real man. And it starts so fucking early. My girl can wear a freaking glitter soaked puffy skirt with a flower shirt and something crocheted with beads over it, accompanied with rainbow nail polish to kindergarten, and the boys are wearing… Blue jeans brown shirt. Maaaybe a shark print somewhere. Man, it is so hard to get pretty clothes for little boys. I’ve met some moms who were so fed up they literally learned how to sew and started sewing because everything was so bland for their boys. Buying girl clothes is not really an option either, not only because of the bullying from other kids but also because those clothes are so tight it is crazy. If it were just the patterns… It’s also the tight leggings, tight jeggings, shirts tailored to the waist. So they sew. For now.
And most retailers really offer such incredibly boring clothes I get depression from just trying to find a tshirt for my husband. You have like 5 colors to choose from and 3 cuts per body half.
Where I live, university age kids now often dress in expensive vintage. Thank god. I’ve now seen color and fun on guys. Finally. And there is this teenager in the neighborhood who dresses up in black emo core and tights and skirts and paints his face with fake blood and all. I so often want to go to him and just tell him thank you for sticking to your style amidst the conservative neighborhood.
Yeah kids clothes are somehow even worse, although I had to wear a catholic school uniform so plain was absolutely mandatory lol. But yeah, there’s really a pretty desolate area, sometimes it feels like they aren’t even designing men’s clothes anymore, I mean I know there’s a lot going on in the world of fashion all the time but that doesn’t seem to trickle down at all anymore, or maybe I’m just wildly out of touch which wouldn’t surprise me. There haven’t been any wild new innovations or trends besides dressing down in general. Note I’m not a huge fan of suits either so I’m not complaining about those going, but nothing replaced them really.
Right, if I want anything with a lot of color I pretty much have to order from Asian brands, I used to like Uniqlo for that but they’ve since succumbed to the drab and their options are not so great either anymore.
I always admired the people who stuck with the same style or subculture they identified with since they were teenagers, especially the more physically dramatic ones like goth or punk, they found something they loved and made a choice. I miss my giant phat raver diy stovepipe pants sometimes and now I see they are coming back in style haha, but again mostly for women and only men/boys under 20. There is nothing stopping anyone of course.
Being afraid of looking gay is pretty fucking gay.
Whenever I hear a homophobe in real life start talking about gays, I usually just say “Since I’m not gay, I don’t mentally think about what other men do in bed or with their dicks, but you do you”. Sounds better in my language, I’m sure you can make it sound more punchy
I’m 99% certain that homophobia stems from dudes being gay/bi but brought up in a “conservative” environment, so there’s a clash between what they secretly want and what they perceive as wrong.
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High heels were originally created for horse riding because they would help you keep a good grip on the stirrups.
Straight white dude here and not afraid of being perceived as gay! Long hair to boot.
My wardrobe could best be described as “lazy Saturday afternoon.” I just want to wear comfortable clothes in muted colours. I don’t like drawing attention to myself.
The whole “long hair = gay” thing is such weird boomer shit. It’s right up there with believing that gay men wear dresses and makeup.
It’s not even 21st century homophobia. It’s like something out of the 1950s.
That’s funny, but it’s also misrepresenting. Cross-dressing want really something that men would get away with u-assaulted … unless you’re Freddie Mercu. For how “manly men” were portrayed, look up Don Johnson with skinny ties and shoulder pads.
Did you miss the whole hair metal thing? All of those guys wore loads of makeup and those bands were massively popular for a while. They were literally drowning in it.
Poodles with guitars, yes. 🤩 There weren’t many people looking like that in regular life.
I don’t know if I’m supposed to recognise the “now” dude but he looks like not a celebrity, just someone you’d pass by on a fashionable street.
Haha yeah true enough, at least outside of LA or New York, but still there were a shit ton of smaller copycat bands trying to make it, if you watch the documentary Decline of Western Civilization Part 2: The Metal Years you can see a bunch of them, point being it was a look that was popular with girls at the time since all these dudes wanted to be in bands mostly just to get with a lot of women.
Yeah I’m not sure about him either, kind of a strange meme all around haha.
Many straight men don’t want to be perceived as gay, while I, a queer man, simply don’t want to be perceived.
I’d have so much fun if I could go invisible at will…
Lol, meanwhile the bisexuals don’t want to be perceived as gay because it’s cutting their dating potential in half. Is that fear, because it’s so self serving, worse or better than the homophobic reason of the straights?
How could you possibly be attracted to both genders? That’s as crazy as wanting to change your gender or not being sexually attracted to anyone at all. You’re clearly just plotting to cheat on me with someone of the opposite sex because you like cheating so much. Nobody would ever be both monogamous AND find people attractive across the gender spectrum.
Who said that? Show yourself!
Must have been the wind…
Your username screams “perceive me!”
It’s to distract you from seeing me over my username. 😌
Then you should get better curtains
Ohhhhh 🤯
This still kind of works as a compass meme, which I thought it was for way too long.
Actively trying to avoid looking gay, is fucking gay.
How do you figure?
Because it’s stupid.
Being gay is not stupid. Trying your best to not look gay just makes you look closeted. And stupid.Trying your best to not look gay just makes you look closeted.
Only to those who’ve already made assumptions about that person.
It screams insecurity.
So, insecurity is gay?
Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process.
- “Actively trying to avoid looking gay, is fucking gay.” is not a joke.
- That’s actually not really true. A lot of great comedy is born from the ‘dissection’ of previous comedy, understanding how/why it was so effective. Analysis isn’t destructive.
Just stop.
Don’t like to think about things, do you? You just comment.
yawn
Don’t like to think about things, do you? You just comment.
Extremely ironic thing to say, considering you’re the one actively failing to follow your own line of thinking.
Why does it make you so uncomfortable to be asked a simple question that directly follows from your own words? Ironically, your decision to insult me instead of simply answering the question “screams insecurity”.
Also ironically, you’ve almost certainly put zero thought into how statements like that are fundamentally homophobic; they indirectly perpetuate stereotypes about how gay people act.
Perhaps think about that, instead of projecting your thoughtlessness onto others.
Lol type some more walls of text to feel better
Don’t like to think about things, do you? You just comment.
I’m over here bringing in like 4 reusable bags (one is a pink tote I got from a work thing years ago) so I can not only pack three times the groceries in one bag but also not take a plastic bag I have to then recycle somehow.
Haute Couture was more about the Haute, and gender designation was a secondary concern at least until the 19th and 20th centuries in which boys and girls got color-coded and men and women weren’t allowed to look like each other.
New, modern fashion blends right in with the rise of preppy style and existing in sportswear rather than business attire, especially since New York didn’t have aristocrats…allegedly.
Before then, what was more important to an elite was they looked elite. Aristocracy is, after all government by the best where the best means having the most money.
TIL giving a shit makes you gay.
At very least, giving a shit makes you “woke” and the intent is the same as when they use gay as a slur (at least as far as i can follow their logic)
Fellas, is it gay to ingest external stimuli to guide your personal decision making framework?
Hey baby, wanna come over to my place and I’ll ingest your external stimuli?
It also makes you more appealing to women but the men don’t know that because Joe Rogan won’t invite a woman on his podcast to talk about it
Appealing to women is gay. They’re soft and flowery not hard and tight like a big strongman
I mean, you suck a dick that’s just one dick. You kiss a woman, and you are kissing every dick which has ever been in that mouth.
A shame he’s a bigoted arsehole who thinks “you can’t say anything these days” now, but I felt obliged to link this standup
Is he? That’s a shame. I haven’t seen any of his recent stuff, but what little I’ve seen of him I’ve always enjoyed. What happened?
I don’t know how to say this without doxxing myself so I guess all I can really say is some of his latest material borders on bigotry but doesn’t go far enough for you to be sure, and it could just be an ill thought out edgy routine. But I’ve spent a night drinking with him, and it’s not an edgy routine.
Sounds like a quote from The Art of Self-Defense
This for me is the weird cishet paradox. So afraid to look “weak”, that they obsess over not looking weak. But you know what looks super weak? Being insecure about being weak. Like, the more you have to prove you’re a big tough guy, the less big and tough you seem.
Also, I feel like they’ve never considered that gay doesn’t necessarily mean effeminate. Or even that effeminate doesn’t necessarily mean weak/meek.
I am convinced that there is legitimately a genetic cognitive deficit which makes people think this way, because it is just so obvious and transparent to me that it can’t be an accident.
I think you’re imagining this as a more conscious process than it actually is. The reason you need to go out and research this is because these men aren’t going around saying, “yeah, I was going to put my pepsi can in the metal recycling but I was worried my bro would call me gay so I just put it in the general waste.” Instead, sometimes men put pepsi cans in general waste, and sometimes men do things due to social perceptions, and sometimes those social perceptions are that certain things are “unmanly” and working out which things are related to each other is quite hard.
So there’s no paradox here. All people are subject to social pressures, and the vast majority of people make some effort to conform to those pressures in order to fit in and to receive approval from the people they value. Conforming to fit in isn’t “weak” or “insecure”, it’s the nature of being a social animal, and is done instinctively - if you think it’s done “obsessively” then you’re imposing the analytical mindset of someone studying the evidence on the subjects of the research, which is a fundamental error. It’d be like saying someone who subconsciously mirrors the mannerisms of someone they respect is “obsessed” with getting their approval, when they likely don’t realise they’re doing it.
Also, I feel like they’ve never considered that gay doesn’t necessarily mean effeminate. Or even that effeminate doesn’t necessarily mean weak/meek.
They almost certainly haven’t because, again, if you’re “considering” it, it’s not the right concept. The concept that people are trying to avoid is the one that’s labeled “gay” by their peers, which is really more of a gender thing than a sexuality thing; “what are you, gay?” isn’t a question about someone’s sexuality, it’s a suggestion that someone is not conforming to the gender role expected of them. You can’t successfully challenge that by saying “ackshually gay people can be v strong and they forget to put the pepsi can in the correct bin far more often than you might imagine.” They’ll just reply with, “OK bro sounds pretty gay,” because you didn’t challenge them on what they meant, only on what you thought they meant.
The challenge has to be more along the lines of creating a better awareness of societal expectations, tolerance of people who don’t conform to them, and building up positive associations between behaviours we want to promote and conforming things people already value, to help them see things in a new light.
Yeah, in the 1950s you were a big tough guy if you wore all leather and had tattoos.
Now you might be a tough biker dude, sure, or you might be a power bottom with a kink.
Porque no Los dos?
Takes balls to be unmanly.
This is all subconscious shit that marketers have to deal with. There’s a good article about it here. What bothers me is not knowing what unconscious biases like this that I have.
One thing that I do is randomly select varieties of things that I buy (wrt color, scent, etc.) I can’t think of a time that I’ve ever regretted doing that.
One of my coworkers loved to make “i bet so-and-so is gay, look at how he does stuff” joke remarks. I once had the chance to joke back: “Dunno man, you spend a LOT of time thinking about how he’s gay, you’re always paying attention to him, you’re always talking about him, that’s pretty gay of you” - That made him stop with those while I’m around, at least.
Some men don’t wash their asses because they think it’s gay.
They don’t wash their asses and think that is not a problem.
Homophobia is literally disgusting.
