We have division of labor, particularly for big parties like Thanksgiving. I don’t want help with cooking but don’t want to have to clean up. That’s our general division of labor because I legitimately enjoy cooking, and people legitimately love eating what I cook; and husband says he would much rather clean up. His dad is a better cook than his mom, I don’t think it’s a sexist thing. So sure I have to do more cooking (started yesterday) but he does more too. The kids just do overflow mostly and while all of them are competent in some way in a kitchen, the distribution of good cooks is not a gender split among them.
The technology split is more gendered, all of the boys (including the one who started out a girl) are gamers and can build a computer, 3/4 of the girls are gamers and technically competent but only one is willing to fuck around with the hardware. One, my oldest, is not at all comfortable with technology, does not want to know how anything works. But she worked construction/home renovation and is good with saw and drill.
My extended family operates thanksgiving as a potluck. My uncle hosts, he cooks several of the dishes served, one of my (female) cousins cooks the turkey itself, somehow it became traditional that I (male) carve it though. My father makes a pineapple punch, my mother makes the sweet potatoes, I often bake a pie of some kind.
Cooking, laundry, dishes, those don’t seem to be gendered tasks in my family. In all but the bachelor’s homes it seems women do the vacuuming, because the women seem to give more of a shit about the state of the floor. For most of my life lawn and leaf jobs were Male with a capital M, though my mother has started helping me rake (I live next door to my parents in what was my grandparents house, we share kind of an extended property) as kind of a reason to exercise, and one of my cousins took over mowing their lawn when my grandfather passed away.
Vehicle maintenance falls to the men as well, only one woman–my navy veteran cousin–would so much as touch anything with engine oil on it. Construction, house repair and basically anything else that involves a saw also tends to fall to the men; my mother refuses to climb ladders, I’ve never seen one of my cousins holding a hammer, meanwhile my father and I built our wood shop, and roofed my house.
Computers and gaming: A lot of my family games in some way or form. There are some gender stereotypes on display, one of the few games I’ve seen my aunt play is The Sims. My mother likes adventure and puzzle games, she’s currently big into BluePrince. My father tends to be an arcade classics guy. OG gamer, he bought Space Invaders for the Atari 2600 on launch day and he and his best friend stayed up all night playing it. I’ve gone through phases with fighting games, FPS, simulators, etc. I’m the family computer hardware enthusiast. I think my father could build a PC, but the last time he did so was in the 1970s when he and his friend soldered together an Altair 8800 kit. Everybody else kinda refuses any chance to learn.
Scared to have to mow a massive front grass lawn every week (wasps, bees, etc) on a mower when my FiL becomes incapable to do so.
reject grass
embrace the wild
It’s so big, I don’t even know where to start with nolawning that lawn
My son cooks
Your kids help?
My daughter has been a helper since she was 2. We encouraged it despite the very obvious frustration and now we have a somewhat competent helper years later.
For anyone unaware how frustrating it can be. Watch the Omelette episode of Bluey…
She was expected to do chores as soon as we believed her capable. That included bringing her dirty laundry to the laundry room. Putting dirty clothes away. Cleaning plates before putting in the dishwasher.
You have to teach kids EVERYTHING its exhausting. When I first asked my daughter to put a plate in the kitchen the put it on the floor, just over the threshold of the door. She was about 18mo, and it was not malicious, just following my exact instructions.
Either way I fully support your parenting practice and I do the same <3
Oh man, my wife HATES the omelette episode, it’s too real for her. I tend to do better with the kids when we cook together, but it’s also down to the projects I pick. Making pasta from scratch is messy, fun, and you can be imprecise. Baking (her specialty) is not so forgiving.
Chores, I think, are easier to teach but harder to enforce.
Oof I feel her pain. Baking with children is rough
I try to do a lot of mise en place before the kids know I am cooking anything. I would put them all the ingredients for all states in pre measured and put into easy to pour containers. Often I’d make 1.5x the dough so I could cut off 1/3 and that’s the kids bread - no matter how bad it is - I’ve still got the rest.
Thanksgiving is for the kids to stay out of the kitchen. I teach cooking on other day. Cleanup is a different story. If you got hand you clean or youll catch hands.
Carving up the turkey is a manly job, just keep those knives sharp
Sharpness doesn’t matter: more power! Break out the electric carving knife
Laser cutter
Clarkson!
If it were up to me we would be having take and bake pizza, if other people want something else other people can cook it.
Overheard a conversation a few years back where a group of guys were talking about how they didn’t know how to cook or do laundry because that was woman’s work and how they expected their mothers and / or wives to do that for them. It was so pathetic how proud they were that they could not take care of themselves.
Weird. Imagine thinking like that. How old were they?
If I were to guess, I would say early 30s.
Crazy stuff. I can’t imagine not being self sufficient, let alone reveling in it.
60? 20? Does it matter?
It’s an entire culture that hasn’t gone away.
My father is 65 and could not cook a Kraft dinner to save his own life. Forget laundry. His son (my brother) believes the same. Whenever he is single his apartment goes uncleaned, he exclusively eats take out, and his clothes are barely laundered.
60? 20? Are those numbers? Counting is woman’s work, never learnered it!
Laundry (with a washing machine) is significantly easier than cooking (healthy/tasty food) tho. It takes me like 2 minutes combined to load up the machine, start up the cycle, and hang it out to dry; and an hour or so to cook a good meal for two.
Cooking doesn’t need to be hard. A crockpot and 5 minutes of prep will give you 6/7 days of pulled pork.
And have your daughters come to the garage and help replace brakepads on their bikes, install curtain rods, etc… etc…
Society being agender-by-default, with gender being opt-in, would solve a lot of problems.
Thing is, biology ain’t.
Treating a person’s sex as arbitrary is part of the plan
really proud of famously sought after and eligible playboys such as reddit and lemmy users coming together to really identify as societies peak. You guys clean at Christmas and challenge gender roles. Fucking peak. So weird that so many of you are struggling in the dating scene while those slob adult men seem to constantly be getting married. What gives?
Everyone better stay out of my kitchen. I’m all for teaching kids to cook. But I don’t want amateurs on the field during the Super Sowl of cooking days.
I’m with you. I don’t want any boys, girls, or anyone else in the kitchen while I’m cooking, unless they’re there to bs and chat while I cook. This is not just on Thanksgiving, this is any day of the year.
Setting the table would be an easy task that can be taught throughout the year, and that skill can then be employed during your super sowl.
They can set the table before I wake up. But when it’s time to cook I need them out.
Or, teach them to cook. Did that for years and now they have their own families and can cook their own meals.
Reread my earlier comment. I’m all for teaching them to cook. The rest of the year.
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I like Super Sowl. I’m pretty sure it was a typo but please leave it as is. It’s got Sowl.
The heck is a thanksgiving?
Ritualized Turkey Murder
Vegans have Thanksgiving.
As a vegan, I hate Thanksgiving. Hate any holiday that requires sitting and eating for more than half an hour, to be honest.
Couldn’t there be a holiday where family gathers around the generational foosball table or the antique Wii? Eating is boring.
That is more a symbol of you then being a vegetarian. But thanks for letting us know you’re vegetarian. Tell me, do you use Apple or arch?
As a proud vegan, I think I can speak confidently for all vegans when I say Hanna Montana Linux, but I dual boot Temple OS.
Ooohhhh I forgot about Hannah Montana Linux. Good choice.
Finally, the recognition I deserve.
I mean you can set your own traditions.
Lord knows I did.
That’s part of growing up. You realize you have to be the change you want to see.
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Note: Turkey is optional. Mostly because nobody ever does it well. It is always dry and tasteless.
We’re doing home made pizzas.
It is fun, and it requires little skill so everyone involved in the cooking process. Even the kids get involved to help.
Best part: Nobody spends all day slaving away in the kitchen not enjoying the holiday.
Wrap it in bacon. It was so moist we didn’t need sauce.
It’s what Canada and the USA call their harvest festival. What does your country call it?
Maybe “Herbstfest”? But more of a local thing. “Jahrmarkt” is even more local. Both are some kind of village-wide market events, the first more fall-themed (and grapes because “Weinland” switzerland) with changing locations each year.
Looks like american thanksgiving is how christmas is for us?
We have three eating holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter, and they’re all about the same. There’s loads of Germans and Dutch up here so people keep a lot of the European traditions, and I’d say you’re probably right that Thanksgiving is more like your Christmas.
We dont have one
Wow what a shame. That’s super uncommon, only a handful of countries in the world don’t have a recognized harvest festival.
Are you from another planet? Or a small tribe somewhere in the Pacific?
Every nation on the planet that plants food celebrates harvest.
My kid is 27, if he wants to make TG dinner, I’ll eat it.
I support teaching all kids what it takes to exist, regardless of gender.
I just popped in to say that back in the long ago, in my family, only so much help cleaning up was tolerated from men-folk before they were exiled to football on TV so the women could sit at the kitchen table and talk. Trying to assist in cooking was nearly impossible by anyone who wasn’t my grandmother or the aunts that had been cleared for assistance.
I was taught to cook and clean by these same people, but it was clear that at big family meals like Thanksgiving that most of us were in the way if we tried to assist.
I guess what I’m saying is, for sure teach everyone all of it, but big meals might not be the best time. (depending on size of family and a variety of other factors).
At least clear your plate to the sink! :)
