OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada has officially announced that in addition to walkable cities, vaccines, and transgender children, they are also deeply afraid of eating bugs.
“We WON’T Eat Bugs,” the CPC said in an online petition it posted this week. “No one is asking us to, but we’re so scared someone might, and it could be Justin Trudeau. And that makes us furious and so very frightened of this version of Justin Trudeau that we made up who is making us eat bugs.”
Many political scientists believe the reason rightwing politicians become hysterical at the idea of eating insects is due to the fact that in school, all of them were either the kind of children who made other children eat bugs, or the kind of children who would’ve made other children eat bugs if they’d possessed the upper body strength to do so.
“Like all bullies, conservatives are deeply afraid of pretty much everything,” said Dr. Abigail Petrie, the head of the Political Science Department at McGill University. “They mask their terror with anger, but beneath their performative rage you’ll find a person who is terrified of anything and everything. Sadly, rather than simply coping with their anxiety in a healthy way, conservatives lash out, like a dog attacking a vacuum cleaner while pissing itself in fear.”
Nailed it.
So eloquently put.
This isn’t even satire, it’s just the truth.
Oh shit new moral panic just dropped!
I was expecting it to be the clip from Paul Joseph Watson ‘I will not eat the bugs’ that made the rounds a few years ago.
POV: You’re the world’s largest producer of lentils, by far
Conservatives: “They’re eating the bugs”
Holy moly, it’s real.
What’s it called when you eat the onion but turns out it actually is real?
This fucking timeline
tuesday
Not the onion?
Normally yes, but the OP actually is an onion article.
The way I see it, it’d be similar to how ostrich eggs are sold in Canada and a lot of other places worldwide as a kind of novelty food, but most people just eat chicken eggs anyways.
From this article
Ashour said 10 per cent of the product is sold for human consumption. The rest is sold to the pet food industry.
“It’s quite remarkable how normal insect consumption can be in some of these countries,” Ashour said.
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Looks like a yummy flourentine
Thank God, the market price of lobster and crab is too damn high. Even prawn is getting up there.
dont they know where those red colors dyed M&Ms come from?
Every election, the PC run a wet sock as their leader and gets beaten by Trudeau. But this new guy is the most worrisome, dude is unhinged, go look at how he talks to the media to get an idea of how he would talk down to constituents and Canadians.
More for me!
Hell I won’t eat bugs and ain’t no conservative tagging me for it
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It already happened in Poland. Source: search “Poland eating bugs”
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Zero. That’s just not a thing the President can do.
yet
I guess we’ll find out on the Beav.
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What happened to freedom and letting people excercise their liberty as they please.
I mean, nobody is forced to eat crickets lol
Yeah exctly. But if i wanna eat crickets thats my godamn right.
Why does it feel like the onion keeps pushing a certain agenda?
It used to be funny and didn’t feel like it had a political agenda.
As a litmus test, what was the point when you felt Rage Against The Machine became too political?
except this is the beaverton
This isn’t the Onion, and conservatives inventing new bullshit to pretend to be outraged about is incredibly common and hilarious to laugh at. Satire always has a political agenda, even if you’re too dense to notice it.
Tbh, this is what fringe right-wing media and s supposed to do. If you attack a real organisation over bullshit reasons, they can sue you for libel. So they make something up. See also: War on Christmas by hbomberguy
Is it like poker? If you can’t spot the satire…
Reality has a well-known liberal bias.
Why are you pushing a political agenda!
says the maga pushing an agenda
Fifth columnists at The Onion using a completely different title, domain and website to sneak their woke agenda into our patriotic browsers.
This is my new favorite conspiracy theory. Thank you.
Their agenda’s been the same as ever, since its beginning…
Hahahahaha
At what point did you realize The Onion and The Beaverton are two different websites?
