I literally have no friends irl or any relationships at all, not even family. Many often I feel so horrible because of my isolation and loneliness.
I need some hope, have any of you had life experiences with extreme loneliness but built relationships?
I have moved 500+ miles 4 times in my life and have very little family (only child of an only child).
I think finding friends is a bit of luck, a bit of social skills, a bit of persistence, and a lot of the right opportunities.
Luckily social skills are skills that can be worked on. I’m not in a place to diagnose how yours are, so since they are such a broad skill stet I’m going to pretty much skip talk about them. However, I do want to affirm that I went into adulthood with very underdeveloped social skills but was able to grow them (and now am normal enough).
I think opportunity is a big place a lot of chronically lonely people tend to miss out on. I read somewhere that it takes about 200 hours to make a friend. That is specifically one on one time. It is important to find ways to be around people consistently enough that you can build up that time with them. I’ll make a side note here that with the increasingly capitalistic society we’re in, the lack of truly public spaces, and the expectation of spending more and more money in third spaces it is hard, but notably, not impossible to find ways to spend time around people. School is a classic way to speed run this. Work can be too, but is much more tricky (possible to make real friends at work, but very difficult but also very bad if you make a misstep [see also never dating at work]). If you’re not getting friends those ways you have to actively try to leave your home and go places that you are regularly around a set of the same people.
Once you’re spending time around people, it is important to make small talk, have conversations, remember things about them and ask follow up questions the next time you see them. Say yes to any and all invites, try and invite people to things that you would do anyway.
My personal method is a hobby that includes weekly gatherings. I go regularly. Most just after I’ve moved and 2-3 times a month as maintenance. I do supportive volunteering so everyone sees me and gets to know me.
People are a social species, your loneliness is pushing you to take care of yourself by making connections. It can be tough but I’m rooting for you!